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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child lonely during lockdown

23 replies

cluelessagain · 14/01/2021 10:42

My dd is an only child and is really struggling during lockdown. Her Dad and I are keyworkers so are still working. She’s not going to school as she’s old enough to stay on her own and she recently had Covid also she says“none of her friends go to school” She’s getting quite weepy. I don’t know what to do 😢

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 14/01/2021 10:47

What social media is she allowed? I would get her zooming her friends.

Original poster

cluelessagain · 14/01/2021 10:54

She’s on Instagram and snapchat whenever she wants but it doesn’t seem to be helping

OP posts:

movingonup20 · 14/01/2021 10:57

Our local youth centre is doing teen sessions, perhaps something similar

ChazP · 14/01/2021 16:41

Is there a friend she can meet up with outside for exercise? Although the Gov is talking about stopping it, at the moment it’s allowed. My daughter is meeting one of her friends a couple of times a week for an hour’s walk, (usually to coincide with what would normally be their PE lesson). It’s made the world of difference to her mental health.

DianaT1969 · 14/01/2021 18:00

Who is her best friend? Why aren't they meeting everyday for a run or exercise in the park? If you're both keyworkers outside the home, her meeting one friend is hardly going to increase your risk.

TheSpottedZebra · 14/01/2021 18:03

Could she do school work 'with' a pal, just by having a video call open and chatting as they do their work? Even if not that much gets done.

It's odd, as actually speaking on the phone seems to have skipped right past the young ones, yet social media chats sometimes seem quite insubstantial.

Bohoboo · 14/01/2021 21:31

Facetiming while doing school work has really helped my daughter. Yes she gets distracted but she can talk about her work with her friend and they can help each other out. Hearing the giggles is just priceless

Original poster

cluelessagain · 14/01/2021 21:32

She’s had serious spinal surgery and we’ve had a lot of snow and ice recently so she couldn’t get out much, then we’ve had COVID so have had to self isolate for a month. Feels like everything is going against us at the moment poor kid

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 14/01/2021 21:34

Would she consider online gaming?

Cheeseboardandmincepies · 14/01/2021 21:35

Online gaming. Also face time her friends?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 14/01/2021 21:37

Aw poor lass. Agree with PP, my DD has facetime on simultaneously with lessons, they work together - is there anyone she can hook up with for that?

Would she like an online drama or art class?

Must be hard being on her own at home so much, is there any flexibility with either p/t school - even if her friends aren't there, someone will be and could be new mates or either of you having the odd day wfh - or even take some leave one day pw?

inquietant · 14/01/2021 21:39

I think firstly tell her loneliness is totally understandable but it is because of this strange circumstance so it will come to and end. Can she zoom or phone someone to hear their voice? I have one who is lonely - and they say zoom makes them worse as it isn't what they want - so I don't know what to suggest.

Wowwellokthen · 14/01/2021 21:41

How old is she.... I'm sure my 13yr old DD would happily chat to her 💐

IBEX7 · 14/01/2021 21:46

What is it that you both do? Is there any flexibility on shifts? I’d keep a close eye on this as loneliness when an adult is bad enough so as a child it could be really hard. Maybe take some time off during lockdown, a day a week, two days a week.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/01/2021 21:47

That's a shame OP. Does she do gaming at all OP? That's how mu kids have been keeping in contact with friends. They don't seem to talk on the phone anymore but they can chat on groups and play together. Think that's helped my two massively through lockdowns.

Original poster

cluelessagain · 14/01/2021 22:03

She does do online gaming with a friend sometimes. I’ve had to take quite a lot of time off work because of her operation and COVID, 4 months in total so I can’t take anymore unfortunately, her Dad does work shifts so is at home part of the day thankfully. Everything I suggest she doesn’t want to do.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 14/01/2021 22:18

No suggestions really - just wanted to say how sorry I feel for her. I do wonder if school might take her couple of days a week? My school would take a student in her situation despite trying to keep numbers down. You're also both key workers.

MMMarmite · 14/01/2021 22:32

Poor girl. I'd prioritise trying to see a friend outdoors, for a gentle walk, if that's possible?

If she's turning down everything, you might need to push her a little. There have been studies showing that long term loneliness diminishes your self esteem and social confidence, so it gets harder and harder to "get back out there", as you become very self conscious. Unfortunately social media can exacerbate that. I wouldn't say leave social media, but the more you can push her to have "natural" interactions with friends, the better.

Some more ideas in addition to the many good ones of other posters:

online party games, like drawbattle, with a group of friends
craft and zoom evening, if she likes art: everyone works on their own pet project, but charts while they do it. It's much more laid back than a normal zoom call, cos you've got something else to focus on.
online board games: I like boardgamearena

Setting up regular events, e.g. a weekly games night, can reduce the organising and give something to look forward to

MMMarmite · 14/01/2021 22:36

Just to add, try to get her to have a voice chat or zoom alongside the games. Text-based interaction doesn't really fulfill that social need for many people.

AndcalloffChristmas · 14/01/2021 22:37

A lot of what I was going to say had been suggested:

My secondary aged dd has been for a couple of walks with a friend which helped a lot.

Also she’s done her schoolwork with a friend on line .

AndcalloffChristmas · 14/01/2021 22:38

You could try to persuade her to go to school one day a week maybe. As you’ve just had COVID her antibodies or T cell protection are probably at the highest they will be.

ilovebagpuss · 14/01/2021 22:50

This is so hard I really feel for you. I think it’s really not good for them to be on their own for so long but know it’s a similar situation to mine where you need to work.
Mine were left alone in lockdown 1 although not a full day and they did have each other. However we saw such a decline in mental health that this time my DH has stopped work.
I don’t know if you can change your hours or appeal to work for some furlough but I would try and see if there is any way one of you could keep her company some of the week.
Otherwise I would push she attends school she might feel awkward at first but could form new friendships if her current mates aren’t there.
If she has a really good friend and you and her parents are in agreement I would even let them see each other inside. This is the one time I would break rules I’ve seen the damage and I personally would see this as a work around because if she went to school she would be mixing with other teens.

rainbowlou · 14/01/2021 23:03

We are in the same position so have now booked for a school place, it’s proved too tough at home and such a hard call to make but feel it’s for the best for emotional well-being x

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