End of 20s - lost decade?!

[Endofmy20s]

Bit deep for a weds night! Inspired by another thread, how to make the most of your 20s

I am at the end of my 20s and don’t know how! Feel cheated out of the last year cos Covid but don’t we all! :)

Objectively have achieved a fair amount, good but very intense city job, good degree, good circle of friends, city living, have travelled a lot and even lived abroad.

But I feel like so much of that time was spent dealing with anxiety and worrying. I didn’t really live. I am so sad for my wasted decade really. I am single too after a short term relationship ended a couple of years ago

When Covid is over I should still hopefully have a year left of my twenties and really want to “live” - see live music, travel for me, make the most of every second. But at the back of my mind I feel so sad about my lost decade! I feel like my fun and frivolous twenties have gone. Sorry for pity party.

Can anyone help reframe my thinking? I want to travel, party, hook up, go wild. I want to be the person I wished I was in my early twenties.

just do it, or you’ll feel the same in your 40’s...(hello from my 40’s)

Maybe think about investing now in some therapy to help you deal with the root causes of why you were anxious and worried then? It also sounds like you are viewing your 20s through a very negative lens- you got a huge amount done, had fun, built a great foundation for the rest of your life etc- so maybe a therapist could help you reframe that as well?

Doesn't sound like a lost decade... sounds like you did loads but weren't able to see the forest for the trees because of worrying. Maybe work on living in the moment?

My mum once told me that you spend a lot of your life waiting for this... moment where you feel you've arrived. Where you arrive in the place you've been working towards and waiting for and everything else was just building up to it.

Then she told me... you never arrive. Life is the entire journey. If you're always looking for the moment you forget to live.

Most people I know spent their 20s worried. Myself included. I’ve felt like I know myself and what I want a lot more in my 30s. Also, going wild is a bit overrated I think, although I did do it. I don’t miss it, however. Make a list of what you want for the next decade and think about how you can go about achieving them.

Wow @CorianderBee your Mum sounds like a wise woman!

Thanks for the advice

I like the idea of goal setting, I just feel shit that we have all had a year plus of our lives robbed really! But same for all I appreciate

It is very true that I haven’t been living in the moment, always “hustling” and trying to think about the next step. Always worrying! Haha. But now is the time to do some work in myself so 30s snd late 20s will be good hopefully

How do you concentrate on living in the moment?

@AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN you’re right, I guess I went a bit wild, did some drugs, had a few ONS but always felt like I was weirdly inhibited about things. I think it is about less worrying. I feel like I wasn’t living because I was worrying!

I don't mean to minimise how you feel, but I think a lot of people feel like this at the end of their 20s.
I swear in 30 years time though you won't remember the worries, you will just look back and remember how bloody brilliant it was, how free you were...

I spent my 20s in one marriage, my 30s in another. I'm now mid forties. Neither were wasted. The first was a wonderful, lovely time of DINKY living - lying til midday with the paper, strolling to the town market for wanky artisan bread and olives for a late lunch, throwing away half our Waitrose shop each week cos we'd gone out to eat instead. 30s were a blur of babies / toddlers / affair (his) and divorce and 40s have been single parenting and blazing an independence trail. whatever happens to you, you take what you can from it and move forward.

I think 30's are better than 20's. I felt less like I had to live up to other peoples expectations, I felt less like i had to look a certain way and be popular and accepted myself more. It sounds like you've done a lot and you have plenty of time to do the things you still want to, I think covid is just making you feel a bit deflated - not surprising! x

@hugeAckmansWife that is inspiring :) Sounds fab.

I loved my 30s, it was the best decade of my life. Far better to “lose” a year of your 20s than your 30s.

My 20s were a train wreck of depression, doubt, worry, anxiety. As they say, youth is wasted on the young. It is what it is. Decades and ages don't matter anyway, just live your life the best you can now.

Sometimes I think you have to worry in your 20s order for your 30s to be good. I spent all my early 20s studying and getting experience in the career I was trying to break into (had lots of fun too though). Now I have a decent job and living situation. If I had completely lived for the moment all of my 20s I'd be in a worse position now. So I think you're fine OP, sounds like you did lots in your 20s so def not wasted time.

Thanks @dayslikethese1 me too, a metric fuck ton of studying and stress! Glad you said that though! I did have fun but not enough - that’s good advice though, I hope it is paving the way for a really good 30s! We will see x

Sounds like you have plenty of money and freedom to enjoy your 30s!

There really isn’t much difference between being 20 and being 30. Nothing magically changes because the 2 has become a 3, if you want to achieve something then go for it, irrelevant of your age, just have to make your mind up and go for it!!