Asking ex to see his child

[Wheresthesilverlining]

My ex and I broke up over a month ago we have one DC together. Since this he has not seen DC. He had made arrangements weekend just past for Saturday he cancelled when I messaged sat asking what time he is coming at I had food etc prepared to send with DC. He replied can't do today can do Sunday and also Monday please. I said okay come the next day Sunday no word I again text and say what time are you calling or do u want me to drop him off. He replied can't do today as I have my other son but will take him tomorrow (Monday) so again I bite my tounge oh okay. Come Monday I get a message early am simply saying 'cancel today'. I didn't respond and still haven't heard anything. I am fuming inside for DC but do I still keep chasing this a**hole and messaging him to ask when he can see him for DC sake or leave it. He still has photos of him and DC on Facebook profile pic whats app etc. Is he just still annoyed over breakup and taking it out on DC? Note we haven't heard from any of his family either who where always very involved messaging etc previous to breakup

Contact is supposed to be in the child’s best interest. I would tell him in writing that you want to work out a contact schedule with regular days and times as consistency and regularity are what is best for DS. Are you happy with EOW and one night each week which seems to be fairly standard? If so suggest that. Then make DS available at the agreed times. If he can’t show up on time, don’t tell DS he is due to collect him so DS isn’t constantly disappointed. But no I would not chase him. Get a schedule that works for you all and stick to it.

Make sure you keep written records of all his responses and claim CMS immediately.

You can't force him to have your joint child.

If your ex tries to use his other child as an excuse again, just tell him you will bring your son around now as your son would also like to see his half-sibling. Then go round immediately and drop him off don't worry about food etc. as you can go back and drop some of later if necessary.

Totally ignore him. Make no more efforts. In the future if he ever tries to get access, this will probably count badly against him. Keep a record.

I’m sorry he’s such a prick.

Never underestimate how painful it is to be the non-resident parent.

This might be the start of your ex abandoning his child or it might be he needs time to come to terms with the the huge change in his life. Of course he should be strong and put his child first but he will probably become stronger with time.

I wouldn’t chase after him. I would make sure any child maintenance claims are submitted

Dont chase him no.

With a little luck he will lose interest and disappear

Don't allow him to rearrange dates to suit him - he's obviously jerking you around. If he can't do his contact day, he doesn't get another shot at it until the next contact day.

It does sound as if he's not going to bother turning up :(

Don't chase him. Put in your CMS claim and send one message saying something like "DS will be available eow Saturday 9am until Sunday 6pm (or whatever suits you), start date will be xyz. Due to your inconsistency so far, I'm no longer prepared to be flexible. Please let me know by xyz time whether you will be collecting DS on time, otherwise I will make alternative plans". Then grey rock anything other than him agreeing / saying he's not available/ genuine qs about DSs welfare. No excuse for him being a useless twat letting down his child

Just to be clear, I was saying put whatever suits you- don't tell him it can be whatever suits him!! Give him specific dates and times and if he doesnt like it he can fuck off- he's lost his chance now at you being flexible by letting DS down 3x

I’m sorry but if he can’t stick to arrangements seeing your child, I would give him one more chance and tell him that you won’t have your child messed about like this.

He must see ur DC at once. Contact between child and father is very important and may affect them later on in life if they do not get this. Despite this, try not to push him too much as frustrating as it is he may become more reluctant to see the DC if you are more pushy with him which is the last thing you want. You are doing great tho Darling, try to relax maybe a glass of vino and a good read will sort you out; it always does for me .

I wouldn't be chasing him, no way!!!!. If he doesn't want to see his little boy that's his loss.

Three chances three cancellations i wouldn't stress about arranging anymore let him arrange the next one

@CrayCrayforCrochet

He must see ur DC at once. Contact between child and father is very important and may affect them later on in life if they do not get this. Despite this, try not to push him too much as frustrating as it is he may become more reluctant to see the DC if you are more pushy with him which is the last thing you want. You are doing great tho Darling, try to relax maybe a glass of vino and a good read will sort you out; it always does for me .

What the fuck?

OP please don't couch your behaviour and behave nice and gently for the poor little asshole who won't see his own child.

Contact is in important for the child, but so is having a structure that doesn't leave him being dropped whenever his 'dad' can't be arsed.

How old is dc?

I wouldn’t chase. Make sure you’re getting your maintenance through CSA.

If he’s crap, he’s crap. Your job now is to make dc feel loved and cared for in the absence of his shit dad.

I know it sounds twee but he will reap what he sows one day.

@Rainbowqueeen @ShinyGreenElephant I like these ideas so I'm not technically chasing but we have no schedule at the minute so just saying you can have DC x day pick up and drop off times and let me know by z time the day before otherwise I will assume you are cancelling and make alternative plans. That way the ball is in his court, no chasing just an arrangement he will probably break.
In relation to the suggestion of just dropping him off when I know he has other child I don't think I could do that I probably should but I'd feel like I'm lowering myself to force a child upon him when my DC deserves better. Thank you ladies I am just greatful he is only 1 so might not understand much yet.

I would actually message his family members asking is X ok as you keep arranging contact with DC but he keeps cancelling.

I say this in case he is spinning them the line that you are preventing/stopping contact.

Sounds like he’s using contact to control you