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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her the trial session is off?

50 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 12/01/2021 22:43

I am employing home help, particularly as I may need help with homeschooling my granddaughter if my daughter ends up having to go into hospital for an op. I need home with homeschooling mainly for a few hours a day. I called up someone who sounded very good from the care website. She was so shy it was untrue. She was laughing a lot most likely from nerves, was asking a few questions but mainly seemed like she would not be up for the job. On the phone I said I would get her in for a trial session. Now I am not so sure. Would it be so wrong for me to cancel and find someone new?

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 13/01/2021 03:44

Edit ''To wonder''. Blessed predictive.

Peppafrig · 13/01/2021 04:55

Would someone from the care website be the right person to homeschool your granddaughter

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0 · 13/01/2021 05:48

If it was that really annoying thing that people do where they give a silly tinkling laugh at the end of every sentence then YANBU!!!

“It’s a bit chilly today, tehehe”
“Hopefully tomorrow will be warmer, tehehe”

There is no way I could be stuck in the house listening to that all day, it drives me nuts

StealthRoast · 13/01/2021 05:56

I must say how clever your dp is to have eyes that can “wonder” down the phone Wink
( what a stupid thing to even say given that your dp hasnt set eyes on the woman! )

Op go with your gut instinct. It’s very rarely wrong. And for good reason.

Sinful8 · 13/01/2021 06:01

"Absolutely trust your gut feel"

Isnt this just another way of saying "go with your prejudice"

gingercatsarebest · 13/01/2021 06:12

You have offered her a trial. .Please stick to your word. so she was shy & nervous at the interview. .so what..imo interviews tell you how good a person is at interviews. not necessarily the job

Submariner · 13/01/2021 06:23

You say she sounded shy and not up for the job. Maybe because she's advertised her services as a carer and you've asked her to be a nanny/tutor. Those are 2 (3?) very different jobs and she may very well not want or be able to do it.

EdgeOfACoin · 13/01/2021 06:32

I'd give her a trial, but tell her that you are also interviewing other people.

If you still have concerns after the trial you can say that you have gone with someone else.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 13/01/2021 06:38

You said you would give her a trial so obviously it's wrong to go back on that. You would look bad. Up to you if you can live with that.

Skipsurvey · 13/01/2021 06:48

give her a trial, you offered a trial,
she might be marvellous with children.

Skipsurvey · 13/01/2021 06:49

she is on the care website for a reason, she is not a random person. have an open mind op, she is for the children's sake

UrsulaVdL · 13/01/2021 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peak2021 · 13/01/2021 07:09

If you have doubts, perfectly reasonable to cancel, do it with as much notice as possible.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 13/01/2021 07:16

Why doesn’t the nanny just speak clearly and professionally?
Because she is a home help, not a nanny?

& probably on minimum wage rather than the rates a Nanny would earn.
Plus, if the OP is nervous about cancelling the trial session offered, maybe OP should be more assertive as well as the potential home help?

rainbowstardrops · 13/01/2021 07:21

How judgemental to judge someone on the fact they were shy/nervous!
I'm not sure I'd want to work for you!

As others have said, she might be amazing with children but just awkward around adults/on the phone.

I'd give her the trial, explain you're interviewing other people too and see if she'd be up to the job. Without judgement!

Mally2020 · 13/01/2021 07:30

Although it isn't fair on the candidate to now be let down for potential work, you really need to have a nanny coming in or an older student or graduate. Someone who can help and specialise in guidance within education. A care agency for home help does not do that.

Pippioddstocking · 13/01/2021 07:54

Best colleague I’ve ever worked with was so shy at her interview she started to cry.
In the job however she was dynamic, forward thinking, innovative, a great team player. We all cried when she left five years later.

ZaraTheWonderDog · 13/01/2021 07:54

I would go ahead with the trial, since that's the only way you are likely to know if she will be able to do the job. She could have been nervous - you mentioned you talked a lot, some people struggle when one person seems to be dominating the conversation (it's difficult though when you feel you need to fill a silence, which of course makes the situation worse) But mainly: you offered a trial, so it's the right thing to do to go ahead with it.

Of course if the trial doesn't go well, you'll still have to have a difficult conversation, but at least you won't be going back on your word.

SchrodingersUnicorn · 13/01/2021 08:06

I read it as OP will be doing the homeschooling but because she will be busy with that and looking after her DD post op, she is looking for some home help with housework. Not employing a home help as a nanny/tutor.

Confusedandshaken · 13/01/2021 08:10

I think YABU. Being shy or or awkward on the phone doesn't mean she isn't capable of doing a good job.

However you don't owe her anything and if your gut is telling you that she isn't suitable just contact her (at ONCE, don't leave her hanging). Thank her for applying, tell her you have made other arrangements and wish her luck in the future. Don't dick her about.

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 13/01/2021 09:50

She is a nanny, English, and has a lot of qualifications and experience.
It isn't an agency I found her on, just the care website.
I will speak to DD later and make a decision.

OP posts:
GreenlandTheMovie · 13/01/2021 10:22

I wouldn't go ahead if she really is that shy. Doesn't set a great example. She will be more disappointed if she does the trial and diesnt get the job, so I would end it now if you have such reservations about her. Just make some polite excuse.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 14/01/2021 07:44

@LemonSherbetFancies

She is a nanny, English, and has a lot of qualifications and experience. It isn't an agency I found her on, just the care website. I will speak to DD later and make a decision.
Sounds good. I queried it as ' a home help' is another title for cleaner, to me.
Lisa465 · 02/08/2021 14:18

@LemonSherbetFancies
This might be late but for anyone else in the position. I have been a nanny for many years and although this has never happened to me you have to think about yourself and if it was just one day give her a week or two but if she was like that for more then a day... Remember you will be paying her a few thousand pounds a year so you want the perfect fit for you and the grandchild. She will get more interviews and opportunities nannies are in demand everywhere...so don't feel bad you need to do what is right for you this is an investment possibly for a few years

2bazookas · 02/08/2021 15:20

Trust your instinct and cancel her. Get someone else.

No harm telling the agency she did badly at the interview.

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