I have fucked up.

[ShittingFuck]

I've name changed for this... its not a begging thread either, I just need to get it off my chest.

I've lost over £1000 of my student loan I recieved yesterday through gambling. Money is tight as it is with out having that much less. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Money I could have spent on my wonderful, beautiful, amazing DD, but it's gone. I'm writing here to distract me from desperately trying to win it back. I hate my self.
The irony is, I lived with my ex partner, a compulsive gambler for years. I know it runs lives. I don't even know why I did it, other than desperation at my shitty situation.
FFS

Don’t try and win it back, you never will and if you do win anything you’ll just gamble it away again. One of my work colleagues was a gambler, he lost £40k in two years. Money he could ill afford to lose, he lost his house and had to go and live with his mum. His partner binned him. His parents bailed him out and he is still paying them back. He is better now, no longer gambles and has managed to buy a house but he would’ve been mortgage free years ago. He’s currently approaching fifty and his mortgage runs until he’s 75, luckily he has no other financial ties. But he can’t afford to run a car or have holidays. It’s affected his entire life and his future retirement plans are out the window.

I can't add much more than what PPs have already said. You need to draw a line under this and look at building a support group. Beating yourself up won't help.

Definitely 1000% register for Gamstop. It has saved me making a mistake many a time.

I'm trying not to think about it, I know the money is gone. I just feel sick thinking about the amount. How could I be so stupid, its not like I'm ignorant to the damage gambling causes.

I've been in your situation on more than one occasion. There's not many worse feelings than what you are feeling right now. But you can move forward and get over it. I can't recommend Gamstop enough. It blocks all UK regulated gambling sites and those it doesn't are dodgy as hell so there's no real temptation. You need to sign up right now, whilst you feel like this. If you don't is so easy to slip back into it.

Like a PP said money is money. What you have lost is gone, but you can make sure that it doesn't happen again. Just imagine feeling like this regularly for 5 + years (that's how long it took for me to stop). It's awful, was a massive contributor to the end of my marriage and the effect on my mental health was huge. Dont be me, get some help before it gets out of control. Do it for yourself and your DD. Feel free to pm me if you want.

You could check the make £10 a day threads in money matters to find ways to make it back from home without gambling. I looked at those this time last year and made loads over 2020 following advice on there.

Check out Fast Forward for advice about gambling. That £ is lost and gone. Hugely frustrating, but try to look forward not back. Facebook might have groups you could join (and just lurk / watch, but don't post if you don't want other FB friends yo knoe you posted there)

Do not try to win it back.
It seems so bad, but it could be worse, and it WILL be worse unless this is the last time you gamble online.

Look at it this way: £1000 is the price you will pay for the kick up the bum to not waste any more money on these sites.
Others pay a much, much higher price than this to learn this lesson.
If you keep playing, you will lose even more.

you can make money by signing up to websites like Prolific where you get paid £7-10 per hour to do questionnaires / psychology experiments. If you do 30 mins each evening after your DD is in bed, it all adds up.

I've never really gambled but I've had other addictions. I'm surprised you went from being a non-gambler to losing two large big chunks of money, but don't beat yourself up over it. You can't change what has been done, but you can stop yourself from doing the same thing again and making it so much worse.

Whatever you do, do not try to win it back. You will not win. I know from myself, I could have gone without my drug of choice for X time but then mess up once and instead of thinking "I messed up, but I can move on from it", I'd just go straight back into addiction, thinking I've already ruined it so I may as well carry on. That's obviously the very worst thing to do, and it ends nowhere good.

Do that Gamstop thing right away, and all the other things you already know about. Don't worry about what you have lost, just work on what you can change to make sure it doesn't happen again.

It's good that your family are supportive and your dd won't go without. Just please take this as a lesson, and do what you know you need to do in order to prevent yourself making the same mistakes in future.

I know I'm repeating myself - but really don't be tempted to win it back, because you'll end up losing more money and then you really will have real problems. You have got to remove the temptation. If you feel unable to register with Gamstop and to call the bank's etc yourself, could you get a friend/family to do it for you? Sorry, I don't know about these kinds of things, but I do know that if you gamble again, things will get so much more worse.

And there are ways to make extra money online - if you search in the money matters section of MN, there are threads titled earn £10 a day - those are full of ways you can make actual money online. Even if you just do surveys that don't pay loads, it all adds up. If you get involved with that kind of thing, you might find it's a useful distraction from gambling too.

OP I wonder if this distraction is really helping, because you're still thinking about it!

How about working out a plan going forward for how to get money in ways that are secure and (financially) safe? Maybe ask on this thread or start a new one. Give the info about your finances and ask people to help tell you how you can move forward - there are definitely mumsnetters who are insanely good at budgeting and stretching a pound.

You feel shit now but there's a way to feel proud of yourself again, and that's through getting yourself out of this.

And obvs listen to the posters who have signed up to GamStop etc themselves. You are not exp. You can do this differently than he did.

@Namechangebuttercup

OP I wonder if this distraction is really helping, because you're still thinking about it!

How about working out a plan going forward for how to get money in ways that are secure and (financially) safe? Maybe ask on this thread or start a new one. Give the info about your finances and ask people to help tell you how you can move forward - there are definitely mumsnetters who are insanely good at budgeting and stretching a pound.

You feel shit now but there's a way to feel proud of yourself again, and that's through getting yourself out of this.

And obvs listen to the posters who have signed up to GamStop etc themselves. You are not exp. You can do this differently than he did.

This is a good point, maybe I ought to be throwing myself into something unrelated. On the other hand, so many people confirming what I already know, and just 'hearing' people saying to write the money off is almost giving me permission (not sure how else to describe it) to forget about it and move on.

Well done to the posters who have managed to stop gambling, it is quite an achievement.

I'm going to check out the £10 a day threads and try put this behind me. I've put restrictions on the accounts I was using, will contact my bank tomorrow I think.

@parietal

you can make money by signing up to websites like Prolific where you get paid £7-10 per hour to do questionnaires / psychology experiments. If you do 30 mins each evening after your DD is in bed, it all adds up.

This. I do about 7 or 8 survey websites, you'll not be rich but it pays for my Christmas each year. Moneysavingexpert has details about the best ones.

Write the money of. I know how awful you must feel, but be happy it isnt 10,000. If you try to make it back it WILL be 10,000, then 20,000 etc. I agree with others, if possible ask your family if they can look after the rest of your money (or the money you earn soon) for you.
Sending sympathies, I know we should all take personal responsibility for ourselves etc, but it is wrong that gambling companies can exploit peoples weaknesses to this extent (and so quickly).

Don’t be tempted by restrictions on gambling sites, just full on self-exclude and don’t exclude for just 6 months etc make it the 5 years. That’s what I did, knowing the option is gone helps any temptation. Writing £1000 off isn’t forgetting what you’ve done but it’s moving forward and knowing you won’t do it again, you won’t want to feel like this again. You know the consequences of being a gambler, nip it in the bud now! It’s the guilt and shame clouding your judgement but just take drastic action before you find yourself in this situation again. Trust Me, I’ve been there and I’m still paying for the mistakes

I’m lucky to have no attraction to gambling
But that doesn’t mean I’m good with money either
Try and get a thrill from raising money with no risk
Set yourself a challenge to earn money in other ways
eBay, vinted, depop, music magpie, book selling sites, local auctions etc
If you have to make an effort to maximise your income it can make you less reckless about spending win win

OP, if you have family who adore DD, can you not talk to them?

OP, I’ve managed to turn a thrill for gambling into a thrill for finding real ways to make money. eBay, surveys, all of that stuff.

I would get involved on the Money Saving Expert ‘make £10 a day’ challenge and it has changed my life