To feel tearful

[pricklymole]

I'm not in a support bubble because I don't have anybody to bubble with. My eldest child lives away from here and is too far to travel to, my mum won't see us as she's worried about getting covid from us, my dad is dead.
Money is tight, my house needs repair work doing on it but I don't have the money, my hours at work have been cut but I'm not eligible for furlough.
I am so tearful this morning that I could cry. I've only seen children since March last year and had no adult conversations.sorry for the pity party.

I can't cry though, there's nowhere to cry, the DCs are on lessons and must not know I'm sad.

Oh that sounds tough. So sorry. It’s ok to cry you know. Try and take things one day at a time. It feels like things will never change, but they will.
You are doing a fantastic job if you’ve got your children homeschooling, something I haven’t achieved this morning
Be kind to yourself, these really are difficult times, be your own best friend.

Oh OP that sounds so very hard.
You must be very lonely & some days it all feels insurmountable.
Can you meet a friend for a walk outside & a chat?
Can you FaceTime/ zoom family or friends?
Allow yourself to feel what you feel - tired, fed up, bored, lonely, scared etc but then take a v deep breath & male a nice cup of tea & a biscuit if you have one & remember that you're doing a great job looking after younger children & they depend on you.
You've survived since March- you CAN do this!!

I have to be m6 own best friend, I don't have any to meet up with.

You will @pricklymole. This will not last forever. You are doing just fine. It’s going to be ok. In the meantime take care of yourself, respect yourself, I used to feel so sorry for myself, probably with good reason tbh, and I slowly started to exchange the poor me, with it’s ok to be me.
Respect your feelings. Feel your sorrow and try and let it go. It will be ok

It absolutely isn’t a pity party and you’ve got nothing to apologise for. I’ve had a cry or two. Most of the people I know have, when things have just got on top of them. Can you go and have a shower and have a cry in there? Just let it all out before you carry on with the rest of the day.

Oh pricklymole, I'm sorry you feel so down. I understand. Everything feels so surreal and overwhelming, doesn't it? Better times are coming though. Handhold here if you want it.

That sounds so hard OP. I've been frustrated and tearful a few times stuck in with the kids behaving awful and nowhere to go, no one to see and I have a DH although he's still working, it's not the same as being single so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. It won't always be like this though.

Thank you. Pity party over, back to smiling now.

Can you do something nice for yourself, a long lie in bed with a book, or teach one of your children to make you a cup of tea. I know how you feel, it is so easy to feel despondent. Simple things like going for a walk in the winter sun every day can really make a difference, and try to stay in the current day or too, with out looking too far ahead. One step at time, there will be something positive in each day if you can find it.

So sorry you're feeling the pressure. I'm on my own, no partner, no friends, no family close by, so I understand the struggle. Recently, my aunt sent me a photo of my DM, DS and me from 48 years ago, that I'd never seen before. I looked at it last night and started blubbering. It's still making me tearful when I think about it. Our emotions are all over the place at the moment. Have a good cry, it'll be a relief.

Are there any lpw income payments you might be entitled to top up your income

*low

That sounds tough. It's perfectly ok to feel down . From experience ,I'd second what Toucancancan said. Being kind to yourself & building in small things you enjoy really helps. Also, it might sound silly but writing down some positives about your life & good things you like about yourself & putting them somewhere you'll see , like by the kettle, really works . The writing it down makes it more concrete & gives it more 'weight' IYSWIM. I think the psych term is giving yourself 'positive affirmations'. Its basically cognitive behavioural therapy & rewires your brain to stop spiralling into more negative thoughts .

I think this is one of those things where you'll feel a bit better after you've had a little cry.

There are some situations I struggle with because there's nothing I can change to make them better but I'm a lot more clear headed after I've just opened the flood gates.

This pandemic stuff really is shite. I can't wait for some normality back.

Totally feel your pain. I’m not in the same situation but I’m finding life so lonely right now. I miss my mum!

If you're missing having company, are there any online groups you could hang out with on Zoom sometimes? A book group, yoga, stitch-n-bitch, church service, virtual choir, virtual French class? It doesn't have to be anything spectacular, but it would just be some human company.

@Bluesername stitch-and-bitch sounds like something I can get into. Where do I sign up?

Oh this makes me sad. My suggestion is join your local W.I they’re still doing online zoom meet ups and their lovely and not all in the elderly bracket either. ;)

@Couchbettato I'm not sure it's a national group or anything, but it seems like a popular name for local knitting groups

I can't see how old your kids are, but l don't think that letting them see you sad is necessarily wrong, nor is letting them comfort you. Obviously, if it was too extreme or uncontrollable or too often, then it might be scary for them, but I don't think children seeing their parents as vulnerable at times is a bad thing