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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel fed up with the pressure

4 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 12/01/2021 04:42

So since COVID happened dh has wfh as ECV so has in effect gained an hour per day via no commute. So he gets up goes to study and works for 8 to 9 hours per day. Weekends and evenings are pretty much his own. I largely cook and do everything else.
Meanwhile I work erratically throughout the month minimum 4O hours but up 50 per month so on the face of it less pressure. I am really stressing now about how I will WOH and homeschool as we have 3 kids. 2 secondary and one Primary . Primary aged dd suspected ADHD and one secondary serious anxiety issues and autism. Both SEN children have erratic sleep patterns and issues with soiling.
Homeschooling is pretty much a nightmare. Today dd3 was tired and napped during the day so achieved less than normal. I used the time to catch up on usual medical/sen admin whilst dh worked. Later I tried to catch up on homeschooling whilst cooking dinner etc and (d)h basically got cross because of noise of recorded lesson etc.
So aibu to think I should be getting more support. For full disclosure dh does have some physical issues which restrict the help he can give but sometimes I feel like the kids just won't go to him. I think dd2 who has autism and anxiety rarely comes out of his room when dh is around for example

OP posts:
Lipstickandlashes · 12/01/2021 06:23

That seems, on the face of it, hugely unfair. Have you tried to discuss it with him?

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2021 07:19

Is he actually working or is he just hiding in his study?

Is he required to be present at work for those hours?

Why doesn't he take part in family life, do housework, childcare, laundry etc?

Unless he's required to be directly in contact with customers during office hours, eg call centre type work, it sounds like he has reason to ask for flexibility - eg as long as he completes his work on time, it doesn't matter when he does it and he can start early or finish things off in the evening so he can be present to parent his children and share the load with you.

But he doesn't want to do that does he?

MilkMoon · 12/01/2021 07:26

@BarbaraofSeville

Is he actually working or is he just hiding in his study?

Is he required to be present at work for those hours?

Why doesn't he take part in family life, do housework, childcare, laundry etc?

Unless he's required to be directly in contact with customers during office hours, eg call centre type work, it sounds like he has reason to ask for flexibility - eg as long as he completes his work on time, it doesn't matter when he does it and he can start early or finish things off in the evening so he can be present to parent his children and share the load with you.

But he doesn't want to do that does he?

This. Though if your children ‘won’t go to him’, this is a long term situation, not a COVID one, presumably? How much time does he normally spend with the children?
Northernsoulgirl45 · 12/01/2021 19:11

He will spend time with kids when it suits but looking back he would never just take them to the park say but would to a Football Match as it's his thing.
I think it's probably a case or reaping what you sow.

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