Dad died, when do the pain stop

[Grannypants55]

Precisely this, when does it stop? He died on new years eve, he was in his 80's with bad health.
I wasn't too bad at first, now I'm getting worse. I have lots of support, but just feel the pain is worse now

I'm so sorry for your loss

Have you tried any bereavement counselling? It might be worth talking to your GP about local options.

Would you like to tell us about him?

Eventually, the worst of that raw shocked pain ends. Then you start to accept it, and take comfort in looking at photographs and remembering events and treasuring memories.

It all happens in time.

And it's personal to you.

Sending you lots of hugs. It is still so recent and raw, that it will hurt for a while. My Dad died nearly 11 years ago and there are days I miss him so much it hurts. They get less and less, and the pain does ease but it really does take time.

The downside of loving someone so much is the pain we have when we lose them. Memories got me through the early days, talking and reminiscing with others about stuff they did with him or what we all did together. It must be so much harder with the restrictions, but call people, video call them and most of all be kind to yourself and take the time to grieve. xxxx

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss xx
I have lost both my parents about 20 years ago, and I promise it does get better. How long that is depends on the person, there really isn't a time limit. I was probably a few months before I stopped crying all the time.

Oh sweetheart, I feel you.

My dad also died on New Years, 10 years ago. He was in his early 60s.

Everyone is different. I don't think anyone will have an experience the same as yours, so it's impossible to give you a timeline. But it does get easier. I still miss him. I don't think I ever won't miss him. And just reading your post has made that loss feel acute again - but not in the same way as it was in that very early stages. And it is very early for you. A colleague lost her dad a few months before I lost mine, and she needed six weeks off work. I only had ten days and that was mainly because of how long it took to get the funeral organised as he died far away from home. There's no one right length of time.

Be patient with yourself, give yourself whatever time you need.

I lost my dad when I was in my early twenties very suddenly and it took a long time. The shock helps to numb you at first and then it is very difficult. My aunt once told me that eventually it becomes as if you are carrying them around in your heart and you can start to enjoy happy memories. My dad died almost 13 years ago and I still think about him every day.

Sorry for the loss of your dear dad. First if all all the feelings your feeling are normal, grief happens in stages denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and finally acceptance. You may move quickly from one stage to the next and stay on one stage longer than the other ones, you may go back through the stages. Everybody's grief is different and the important thing is you don't hold back from feeling what your feeling and talking about it. Grief is how we love someone who isn't here to accept our love anymore. When my dad died and I was in the very raw part of it It helped to just be there in the rawness of it all and just open it up and let it out, play the songs thst realy made me cry. Each day will become easier but it will take a few weeks and months before you can look back without sadness but with happiness at your memories. Just take each day as it comes.

I'm so sorry sending you a hug 🙏🏻

Sorry OP💐

My Dad died on 13.1.20. I still can't face looking at photos of him. I can't listen to songs he liked, or songs that remind me of him. I don't know how I'll get through the 1st anniversary of his death on Wednesday. I will miss him for the rest of my life.

I do however find I can talk about him, remember good times and jokes we had. Especially with people that knew him well. I guess that's part of things becoming easier.

I don't know when it gets better. Give yourself time. Have you had bereavement counselling? I still might. But I found Mumsnet to be best for me. Here, there are people who've been through what you have and they understand.

Be kind to yourself, and look after yourself.

Everyone is different but I think time makes it hurt less for most people.

My Mum died from cancer 7 years ago and as it was a terminal disease we had time to talk about this a little. She told me from her experience (both of us very close to our Mums) that it was going to hurt a lot but it would get easier in time, and in the early days I clung to those words. She was almost 75 so I definitely felt robbed of time with her.

After 7 years I can say the grief comes and goes in waves. For the first six months I cried hard every day - and I had to schedule those tears some days to moments when I was alone so that I didn't freak out my 3 year old. And after the first six months it eased slightly. And then on the big anniversaries - first my birthday without her, first her birthday, first Christmas, first anniversary of her death, those were hard. Then weirdly, the second anniversaries were worse... and then it got better.

But every now and then the grief comes flooding back, but in contrast, in recent years the good stuff has come flooding back too so I can laugh and remember the good times and feel warm and happy.

Grief is weird and exhausting. And unique.

Don't expect it to be over soon, but it isn't one long downward moment, there are tiny moments of sun between the clouds and then those moments get longer and brighter. It will be okay.

My dad died almost 22 years ago. The pain doesn't end. But it becomes less.

I am so sorry for your loss. My mum died from cancer in 2019. cabingirl has** very accurately and eloquently summed up exactly my experience. Don't push yourself to get over the devastation, it is still very early days.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in December. I'm just taking each day at a time. One day I feel ok, the next day I feel overwhelming sadness.

I'm not sure my feeling of loss will go away. Just that I will learn to live with it.

Smile : I lost my dad when I was in my early twenties very suddenly and it took a long time. The shock helps to numb you at first and then it is very difficult. My aunt once told me that eventually it becomes as if you are carrying them around in your heart and you can start to enjoy happy memories. My dad died almost 13 years ago and I still think about him every day.

Very very true. Perfectly put.