Do you speak out when friends upset you?

[Spiritofeden88]

I am someone who believes that if someone upsets you, it’s better to discuss it and tell them rather than let it fester. I appreciate the same from other people too but aibu that it makes me a difficult person?

I have a lot of good friends who have been in my life a long time but sometimes I wonder if my directness is an issue.

How do you communicate?

@AgnesNaismith

Jeez pp - being summoned for a ‘chat’ sounds exhausting!! Bit too much drama there.

I’m thinking more if someone says something I disagree with or acts like a bit of a prick I’ll say so. Generally based upon my own moral compass though and the problem is that it often doesn’t align with others.

Yeah it just made me feel on the spot and annoyed. I don’t really like having to answer to my actions really - rightly or wrongly. I’m just doing my best to live my life. I don’t really enjoy having awkward conversations, so the net result is that I just don’t spend as much time with the confrontational people in my life.

I always tell people when they've upset me which explains the reasons I only have 1 friend now. In general I've found people don't like it when you call them out on something and they then ghost you because of it.
I can't let it lie though if they've upset me then I absolutely need to tell them

I think it depends. Low level stuff i might write off a few times but then I likely find i am enjoying that person's company less and don't want to spend as much time with them. For bigger things I tend to cut people out as I just don't have time or patience for drama. A friend of a friend tried to start a social media feud with me and seemed quite put out when I wouldn't bite, called her on her drama and promptly blocked her. Apparently she is used to dramatic blow ups and appearing offended before coming up with a list of excuses for her behaviour and using it to creep back into to people's lives. No thanks. Not for me!

I speak up but in a nice way, just to make a point but without being (too) bitter.

Generally, me being upset is more about me than about them.
In my experience, it's better to talk about your feelings than to go to confrontation.

A while ago, I had the feeling that a friend was using me, I just shared how I felt with her and we had a long and amazing conversation after that, which cleared any doubts I could have had, and now our friendship is stronger than it was before. Not only we had cleared any doubts but on top of that, we now both know that we can get that feedback loop, which really reinforces trust.

Had I said "you're using me it's always the same with you" she was have been defensive (rightfully) and bye bye friendship.

That's actually a difficult question for me. I would have to say it depends and treat it on a Case by case basis. It depends on what (saying something a little shitty or massive betrayal?), who and why. I have a couple of lifelong friends whom I would be honest with if it was important (I'm not backwards in coming forwards) but I know they would be more than willing to have that conversation. However I have other friends whom I just back off for a bit while we all come down and then normally find when we come back together all is forgotten. Bottom line is that I just wouldn't keep friends that made me feel like shit. It's not worth it. I have never understood those 'girls' groups where they all go on holiday together and talk behind each other's back. It's just not my bag at all. But I'm always honest. If you ask me my opinion on something, I won't lie to protect your feelings (unless you ask me if I think you're ugly/too fat etc because that usually indicates you are feeling vulnerable already and a good friend doesn't kick another when they are down). On the flip side if you ask me about your argument with your beloved and I think you were out of order, I'll tell you.