Young toddler tantrums

[StressedMesss]

My son is 18 months, he is usually a sweet kind little boy. He's affectionate, loves giving kisses and cuddles. Everyone comments on how smiley he is. This infectious grin that just lights up a room. He seems smart, if you ask him what noises animals make he will do them, he can point to his body parts, has about 12 words, understands what I'm saying, points to things, shares things with me, walks/runs well, climbs well.

My concern is his temper. He gets so angry over such tiny things.
For example:

Playing with a train set that he puts blocks on, he was playing with one particular part of the train, I came and attached it to the other two like I always do and he had a total meltdown

He'll find the remote and climb up on to the sofa and ask for a cuddle. I'll say no TV and he'll have a meltdown

If I won't let him do something he wants to, e.g running off into something dangerous, won't let him play with something he shouldn't, won't let him walk a certain direction. He'll tantrum and cry but he does also does this throaty like angry growl/scream thing.

If he's trying to play with something, and either can't do it, or I step in and do something he apparently didn't want me to do he'll do that angry scream, throw everything in a temper

If something sets him off during dinner he'll angrily scream and throw all his food on the floor

Due to Covid we haven't seen a health visitor in over a year now, he's my first so I'm never sure what's normal or not. I know toddlers have tantrums, but is this normal? I just don't want anything to slip through the cracks due to no health professionals wanting to see him during the pandemic.

AIBU to think a toddler this young shouldn't have such a bad temper?

I think everything you have described is normal toddler frustrations, but watching with anticipation as my 2 year old still has these tantrums

I think it's normal and comes from a place of frustration.

They want to do things and don't understand why they can't - they are too young to understand why they can't have something/do something because it's dangerous/inappropriate.

Bless you! That all sounds entirely normal and age appropriate.

Yup, sounds totally normal to me too! I think at this stage, there's an issue because they have learnt that they can speak and communicate, but their vocabulary hasn't caught up with that realisation and they can't actually communicate most of what they want to say. Certainly, that's how it was with both of mine and it happened slightly earlier with the one whose speech was ahead of the other's.

Thank you everyone that's good to know. I will stop worrying

Be warned though, with one of mine it got a whole lot worse before it got better...!

"Playing with a train set that he puts blocks on, he was playing with one particular part of the train, I came and attached it to the other two like I always do and he had a total meltdown"
Did he ask you to attach the train?

"He'll find the remote and climb up on to the sofa and ask for a cuddle. I'll say no TV and he'll have a meltdown"

Why was there a need to say no TV, perhaps he wanted to hold the remote and have a cuddle? Did be ask to watch TV? If not, why mention it?

"If I won't let him do something he wants to, e.g running off into something dangerous, won't let him play with something he shouldn't, won't let him walk a certain direction. He'll tantrum and cry but he does also does this throaty like angry growl/scream thing."
Do you explain why he can't (before he gets to angry phase?) Or does he just immediately get angry?

"If he's trying to play with something, and either can't do it, or I step in and do something he apparently didn't want me to do he'll do that angry scream, throw everything in a temper"
That's frustration coming out. Did he ask for your help?

"If something sets him off during dinner he'll angrily scream and throw all his food on the floor" again frustration. What sets him off?
I tended to remove the food if it was thrown, saying something like "ok, you're finished eating, let's get down from the table." And give him the opportunity to eat more if he wants, once he's calmed down/realised the dinner is going.

Sounds very normal though!!

I'd look at what's going on before the tantrums, are there any warning signs? Any way you could approach the situation differently (eg. Would you like some help DS? Shall I build the tower with you? Etc)

All verrrrrrry normal in my experience! As a pp said unless he indicates he wants you to step in then don't. Leave him to play without interrupting/fixing

I have an 18 month old and this sounds totally normal. I just give her a cuddle and explain why she can’t do what she wants (“I can’t let you throw the toy, you’ll break it and then you’ll be sad”) and then distract her with something else.
Remember at this age they are desperate to communicate but can’t very well and they’re learning to deal with all these new big emotions! When I remember that it’s easier for me to have compassion even if she’s being totally daft!

I had a little chuckle to myself whilst reading because I could have written this exact post.
My little boy does allll those things. I was a bit scared to read the replies incase someone said it wasnt normal 😂

He got a toy breakdown truck for Christmas. If I put one particular bit on the car he loses his mind and throws a right tantrum. Every time without fail. Even if he turns round to see that it's already on it - I'm worried this is abnormal 🤔

Very normal. He is trying to be independent. Realising you have control to say no and wants to regain control. A quick google of emotional reasons why toddlers have tantrums would be very insightful. It can help get through some epic tantrums if you understand why they are having them

Totally normal! You are doing things he doesn’t want you to do, but he can’t say, ‘mum, I really wanted to put that train together myself’ and this is a really big deal to him, hence the tantrum. You won’t be able to please them all the time and they live very much in the moment so don’t really understand not now but later. You just have to ride it out. I found it much worse when DS was tired when he was start to demand all sorts of impossible things, so tried to get him down for his afternoon nap on time.

Sounds normal. At that age they don't really know how to deal with their emotions so seemingly simple things can be completely overwhelming for then⁷

Also in our area health visitors are having appointments via zoom, and have a text service for general questions.

Normal, don't worry! Reading up a few books might help. I liked No Bad Kids by Janet something.

For them, they're learning so fast and so many things are suddenly possible, that to bash up against practical or imposed (by you) limitations seems the worst thing in the world.

I think it can help by voicing the frustration for them eg 'Oh, you didn't want that to be attached? Shall we undo it' 'You wanted to cross the road, but I was worried because there are cars and it's dangerous' etc. That way they know you understand them, part of the frustration is from not being able to express themselves.

You could also try articulating what you will do before you do it eg would you like me to play with you? Shall I join the train parts together? etc

I think also routine (boring!) and setting expectations helps, eg only having TV at set times of day, having the same number of meals and snacks at roughly similar times of day etc.

Not easy under current conditions but the more you get them to run around and expend energy, the less likely they are to be fractious at home, I think.

Totally normal. DS 21 months is like this, although it’s generally a flash in the pan nowadays and most of the time I can prevent it with distraction or snacks 🤣

Sometimes it’s just frustration because he can’t do something he’s trying to do, sometimes it’s because we need to leave the house / go home / get in the car, play time is over that sort of thing. I generally know when it’s going to happen so can pre empt.

If I miss the cue and it starts to happen I just let him do what he needs to do and ignore him, then he usually comes for a cuddle and I talk about it calmly and then we move on.

This morning we were going out but he wanted to go out wearing just one shoe and kicked off when I tried to put the other one on. So while he rolled around on the floor in dramatic fashion I just went and did the washing up. It was over in a couple of mins. I actually find it quite funny but try really hard not to laugh!!!

I expect we’ve got another year or so to deal with it before we move on to the next phase!

My dc used to hit me at that age along with the tantrums so sounds normal to me. He grew out of it.

One piece of advice on you moving the trains or whatever he's playing with - don't try to make a happy child happier.
If he's content playing, leave him to it; don't try to make it better/correct for him.

Sounds very normal.

Allow the tantrums, offer comfort, you could also try to voice his emotions after.

Agree it's probably a lot about control.

You might want to try some games where he feels in control - being able to push you over with one finger, playing mummies and children where he's the mummy, being robot mummy where he can tell you what to do etc.

Also model getting things wrong in a funny way so he knows it's ok to do, eg getting animal noises wrong.

Sounds like my son at same age! As his language has improved it’s definitely got better though - he’s now 2 and I can prepare him for things like ‘now we’re going to have dinner so I’m going to switch the tv off / put toys away’ etc. He’ll still complain a bit but not do the flinging on the floor tantrums. Transitions are the toughest I think. That and when they’re trying to throw themselves off a high wall/ jump under a bus!

@ArrabellaAM

I had a little chuckle to myself whilst reading because I could have written this exact post. My little boy does allll those things. I was a bit scared to read the replies incase someone said it wasnt normal 😂

He got a toy breakdown truck for Christmas. If I put one particular bit on the car he loses his mind and throws a right tantrum. Every time without fail. Even if he turns round to see that it's already on it - I'm worried this is abnormal 🤔

Just stop putting that bit on, you're pissing him off

sounds like normal toddler tantrums, it will get better as he learns to communicate. please educate yourself on the difference between meltdowns and tantrums though please. they arent the same thing, and make it tricky for sen parents, when normal toddler tantrums are described as meltdowns. x

This reminded me of a little girl I used to childmind. When she was 2 she was dancing around the living room really happily in some new clothes she had got, all happy and smiley. I said 'shall I put some music on for you to dance to', perfectly reasonable in the circumstances I thought.

She screamed and tantrummed for almost 2hrs. 🤷🏼‍♀️ she's 14 now, I like to remind her of it sometimes.

@nokidshere

This reminded me of a little girl I used to childmind. When she was 2 she was dancing around the living room really happily in some new clothes she had got, all happy and smiley. I said 'shall I put some music on for you to dance to', perfectly reasonable in the circumstances I thought.

She screamed and tantrummed for almost 2hrs. 🤷🏼‍♀️ she's 14 now, I like to remind her of it sometimes.

LOL

That's something my DD would do.

As far as she is concerned when she is happy don't interfere.