Hello everyone, I desperately need advice because I am at the end of my tether. In a nutshell, my relationship broke down 4 years ago which is shortly after DD was born. I bought a house and have been providing ever since for both of my children. DD's dad has anger issues and uses class B drugs. On several occasions has strangled me in front of both my children, DD was luckily too little to remember but this was on the police reports. Broke my mobile and took my boiler heating controller for 3 days to show me he is in charge, leaving me and the kids without heating and hot water. I literally had to call him and beg for him to return it. Police recorded this but did nothing. Since then, DD's father has been on a mission to destroy my life.
Every year, I travel during the summer holiday to see my parents abroad with my children, he's always been aware and even last year he agreed to me taking DD. When I got there, I told him we landed ok and everything was alright and a few days later I updated him as well. However, I wasn't answering phone EVERY time he was calling and got angry and threatened me with arrest upon my return from holiday for abducting DD. He's come to my place of work on a few occasions, making a scene, has called work multiple times as well. I have blocked him in every way possible ages ago but I can still get sent some of his emails.
Recently, DD's nursery called to say he's sent them a half an hour recording of me being upset and shouting in the presence of DD. A recording he made secretly from me (without consent and knowledge) in my own house after I stupidly let him in once to see his child for a little and after refusing to leave, I got upset and he recorded me. Very manipulative and I am sure he will use this in court against me. He has been advised on multiple occasions not to contact me and hence, has been ringing the nursery for updates about DD. Made a few appointments to come see DD, out of 10, turned up only once for her birthday.
Has been turning up in the park when I'm out with the kids, although he doesn't have my whereabouts information as he lives out of town but he has "recruited" a few of my neighbours to feed him information and I am livid about this. At the same time, I cannot prove their contact to the police with evidence. He also waited for me after work on a few occasions. I pick up DD from nursery and walk home. On a few occasions, he was waiting for me half-way back to the house and jumped out of his car and took forcefully my child out of her pushchair and started walking away from me. I called the police, they just told him to go and that was it.
Recently, he started re-appearing again. Called work, sent me emails and then knocking on my door at home, stood outside for 6 hours in his vehicle and at the end, I had to call the police. I am very frustrated because they told me this is not harassment because he is asking about his child. What about myself and my other child who gets caught up in this? How can this not be harassment? Provided this "man" has hurt me in the past - physically and emotionally, why should I be talking to him and be subjected to this.. It feels like he gets away with everything!
Dealing with the courts is a financially and emotionally draining experience and they will give him some type of custody I would imagine. Going that way is my last resort. Also, 80% of my evidence was on my old phone that he smashed in the presence of DD. How do I prove anything? I wish the police was more proactive. When I gave my recent statement, they told me they will call him in for a voluntary interview, a day later the officer calls and tells me he's spoken to DD's dad on the phone and told him "not to do this again". We have been there before, he keeps quiet for a bit and then starts the same all over again. Some people even told me it's not worth applying for a court order because they cannot grant anything to change the already existing status quo (DD lives with me, always has, why should this be disrupted).
Even now, I had to apply for a primary school place all by myself, I am sure he isn't even aware of the deadlines but because he is on the birth certificate, one day he will twist things and say he was not involved in the decision-making process. What if I am perceived in a bad light? Then again, why should I tell him when he is not interested and doesn't even know it's "application time"....
My questions are I suppose, can't the police do more? How can this possibly not be harassment (just because he uses DD as an excuse to contact me)? He might be plotting to have me done for child abduction again this summer, should I be scared? I don't want to give him too much details, he is controlling and uses things against me. Deep down, he knows I am a very loving mother and I and my parents care about DD wholeheartedly so he knows child is ok during her holiday and any other time. Also, I don't want to talk to him ever again as he makes my stomach turn, he has hurt me in the past, why should I be forced to communicate with him because we have a child together on paper. Hence, I had to decide about school choice single-handedly.
Yes, sadly, I put him on the birthday certificate. He has never ever provided for DD, never had a job, doesn't have his own home (lives with mother and sister in another town). Currently, he is in £3,000 child maintenance arrears, never paid a penny, they told me he has not opened door to bailiffs and are not considering taking away driving licence. He told them unless he sees DD, he won't be paying... He was allowed to see her at nursery prior to Covid, he hardly ever turned up.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Thank you.