... to reassure me I've done the right thing.

[secretsquirrel567]

Hi all,

I am 23 and have today "ended" it with my partner of (almost) two years. We moved in together last March and after a really difficult year last year, the 'spark' and the intimacy had completely dissolved and I was struggling to imagine a future with him. He is kind, caring, generous and would genuinely do anything for me. As well as sex, I struggled with the lack of fun and laughter, something that is really important to me.

Long story short, I ended things this weekend and I am feeling pretty broken. Has anyone been through similar? Ended it with a guy who should, on paper, be everything a girl could want? Did you then find your Mr Perfect?

I don't know what I want - I just want to speak to people about it. He is crushed and I am full of doubt/regret/sadness and fear for the future.

Thanks all xxx

Grief is normal when something ends, whether it was a good or bad thing.

Just be kind to yourself. 23 is very, very young. There is no sense in worrying over whether you'll ever meet anyone else. Of course you will in time - and you have plenty of time.

You're young and life is too short for a relationship that doesn't make you happy.

That said, few relationships stay quite as exciting after a few years.

You’ve done the right thing.

Every one of my exes was perfect on paper - lovely, kind, thoughtful, clever, attractive. I was theoretically well matched with each of them, and they were all fun and enjoyable relationships in their time. But none of them were actually right for me, and I ended all (save one where I was dumped, but that was for the best!) for that reason.

When I met my husband, I never had a second of doubt that he was the one for me. Everything felt so easy, so right, so fun, so natural. We complement one another so well and have so much fun. There’s never been a moment of soul searching or angst about whether I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

Hold your nerve and trust that the right person is out there for you - life is way too short to settle for someone you know isn’t the one for you.

It's natural to feel sad and question things after ending a relationship, and whilst previous posters are right about things going "off the boil" a bit after a couple of years, you are so young and have no real reason to stay in an unsatisfactory relationship. 60+ years is a long time to spend with someone.

Fwiw, over the years, I've found that there has to be 3 things for a good relationship. Obviously there will be ups and downs and "moments" where things aren't as good, but I reckon you need all 3 to be scoring 6-7 out of 10 at least 90% of the time.

1. You need to enjoy their company. Have some shared interests. Laugh together. Have shared views and outlooks. A best friend if you will

1. There has to be some physical attraction and decent sex. Obviously the wanting to rip each other's clothes off stage may pass quickly, but if the "ick" sets in, then it's tricky to move forward

1. You have to treat each other decently. Kind. Caring. Generous. Honest. Respectful. Loyal.

If you don't feel you particularly enjoy being with him and there's no fun and laughter AND the physical side is lacking...after only 2 years...at the age of 23....? I think you've made the right decision

Wow, thanks so much for your replies Guy’s. @ED47 especially yours - you've helped me more than you know.

I'm a real empath and struggle to hurt people - especially those I love. I think knowing I'm hurting him is probably part of the reason my thoughts are tainted with doubt.

I've jumped from relationship to relationship since I was about 17, never stayed single for longer than 6 months. I truly do want to focus on myself. I'm in my NQT year of teaching (secondary) so it's not like I don't have enough to keep me occupied at the moment. It's just all so overwhelming isn't it? Xx

I'm a real empath and struggle to hurt people - especially those I love. I think knowing I'm hurting him is probably part of the reason my thoughts are tainted with doubt.

Please don’t make the mistake of staying with someone because you don’t want to hurt him. You have to think about yourself. What might be perfect on paper doesn’t necessarily work in real life.

I'm an empath too (and also a teacher. Probably a necessary character trait ) but the way you have to think of it, is if those 3 things aren't there for you, then they're probably lacking for him too. Possibly subconsciously (because men don't always tend to analyse these things as much), so "setting him free" to find a relationship which is good for both him and his partner is actually a kind thing to do (even if he's hurting at the moment)