How did you decide when to have a second baby?

[wwydinmyshoes]

Did you just know?

We have a 13 month old DD, I am 38 and DH 40.
We were trying for about two years before I fell pregnant due to a (then) undiagnosed issue. We love her to bits, she’s great, but I didn’t particularly enjoy pregnancy, maternity leave in lockdown was quite isolating and we don’t have any family support. I’ve been back at work a few months now and have enjoyed reconnecting with my work life as such.

Just don’t know when the right time is to start TTC second (definitely want two). Conscious we’re getting on a bit (!) and may not conceive straight away. I guess it’s at least a year from starting to try to having a baby which does sound like a good while away. But are we mad to take the plunge again? Or now that we have DD have we already made the main plunge and just need to go again?! How did you figure out your decision?

We didn’t start considering it until DD was 2, as the baby stage was horrific for us. She’s a lovely toddler though!

... it took 1 month TTC after getting my mirena out and I am having twins!! So getting a lot more than we bargained for. We are lucky, I’m 29 so didn’t have the issue with waiting.

Plans have totally changed, probably not going back to work for the foreseeable after they are born.

It is definitely hard to plan things, you never know what might happen. I would figure out what age gap you’re comfortable with and start TTC after that date. I’m so glad our DD will be 3 when they’re born and not any younger or there’s no way I’d cope.

I was very broody when eldest was approx 15 months. But we decided to wait another year so there’d be a 3 year age gap, car loan paid off, entitled to 15 hours funding.

Found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. Withdrawal method failure.

It was hard but also wouldn’t change it either.

I didn’t want them too close for my own sanity and I wanted to enjoy each of them as individual babies. Like most of my friends (those without twins anyway) we aimed for 3 years so oldest would be in receipt of childcare funding. This meant it was more affordable and second baby got 1 to 1 when oldest was in nursery. It took 18 months first time and 1 month second time. I was 33 and 36 when they were born. They get on really well much of the time, now 13 and 10.

We wanted a gap of around 2 years ideally, so just timed around that.

I don't like pregnancy or the baby stage either, but we were thinking long term. I knew the first year of having 2 kids would not be very enjoyable as I didn't really love the first year of having 1 kid (of course it had its high points) but now they are 5 and 3 it is great, just what I had wanted. The closer the age gap, the harder the early bit will be, but there are a lot of benefits after a few years. You just decide where you draw the line.

Of course factors like finances, fertility and age also play in so I understand it's not a pure free choice for a lot of people.

At your age I’d just do it, if you 100 % want two.

3 year age gap here. It’s worked well for us, 3 year old very independent/ can help out - isn’t threatened or jealous of new baby. Also eligible for Government 15 hours childcare so can financially justify still sending older one to preschool a couple days a week so can have one on one time with new baby too.

I’d just get on with it. Time is always precious and who knows how easy - or not - it will be 2nd time around.