How to change personality

[Suzie11fr]

I want to change my personality. I’ve come to the conclusion that I create a lot of my sadness, depression and problems. Yes some people are nasty and say and do things there’s no need for and yes the world would be happier and nicer if people just tried to be nice BUT that is the world we live in I have to accept.

I’m highly sensitive and get upset really easily. I want to let backhanded comments and aggression just roll off me. How can I do this? how can I be a less sensitive person and not get absolutely distraught if someone is not very pleasant towards me. I’m talking more about work situations. In personal I can avoid people who make me feel like this until I’m stronger, with covid it’s made it easier to avoid the negativity in my personal life but I’m struggling with work negativity.

@Suzie11fr, My main weakness is overly sensitive and take things too personally.

You are giving others too much power over you. I have found counselling very helpful in the past, to rationalise thoughts like these and improve my self esteem.

I would go as far as to say that counselling changed me, and made me a better person. I am much kinder to myself and less concerned about the thoughts, feelings and behaviours of others these days.

I could have written this post myself. Same background, same problems, same therapy. The only thing I found with therapy was the ability to pick myself up and dust myself off more easily than before, but in honesty some days I'm still drowning. I used to think if people understood where I came from and how my heart was torn apart as a child then they might understand me and my personality more. Now I am not so confident of that. I can only offer you my empathy and understanding. I really am sorry. I know how horrid it is.

My personal perspective, is they can say x but then usually they get bored for example I am strange at times and if anyone tries to make a critique of it. I just say yes I'm strange, and your point is ? That usually deflates them as I'm not engaging in a argument, because I have more intriguing conversations to be had with x people so if someone does try to talk about something that's odd or a critique I usually brush it off and try to round the conversation To more intriguing topics or if I do need too acknowledge there comment, I usually say I take it under consideration, however the main thing is not to dwell on the comment otherwise you can spend x time trying to figure out the meanings and intention which can make you use energy that can be better used on other projects.

Personally, my personality changed when I became a Christian and started praying. I know there are folk who think it’s a load of rubbish but it has worked for a lot of people I know. Belief in a higher power and purpose, and their ability to change you, can be very effective (even if it may be a placebo effect). My old anxious and terrified self is still there somewhere, but is being overwritten by a peaceful and content mindset.

I will echo what a lot of other people have said:

You cannot fundamentally change your personality, but you can get the tools to deal with some of the situations you are coming up against in a different way. Therapy would help you do this.

Good luck

‘@Suzie11fr, My main weakness is overly sensitive and take things too personally.

You are giving others too much power over you“

Interesting!

I've got a family member like this and it seems to me that the reason she takes things so personally is because she is plagued with insecurities and so when people criticise her she sees it as confirmation that she's not good enough. I'm not sure whether that resonates with you or not?

Btw I quite liked this short video I saw about how to deal with criticism and how to "love oneself" a bit more:

'I am enough' by Marisa Peer from Amazon will sort you right out
It's been my saving grace and she really knows what she's talking about.

I don't think you need to change your personality, I think you need to change your mindset and boundaries so that you stop giving other people control of your feelings. I used to feel like this too so I do understand and it has taken a while to stop reacting that way, but fundamentally I am the same person I just think differently about things. I consume a lot of 'self love' type content from books, instagram and podcasts and it has slowed helped me to break free from the negative thoughts. I am the least woo woo person you would expect but it has worked for me!