Feeling very down at the moment. My ex finished with me before Christmas in really shitty circumstances: I mentioned about seeing each other (just the two of us Christmas morning) and he looked disgusted, saying "he wasnt there yet". This is after a 9/10 month relationship!
I am 35, he is 31. He still lives at home (never moved out, gets his clothes washed for him etc), wants to pursue a career in acting (which hasn't come to anything over the past few years so he does a bit of delivery driving instead), has no savings, and has openly said that he feels scared of being in the same job for years (to which I pointed out that you work to pay your bills and get on in life)!
Also, he could not ejaculate during sex. He didn't see this as an issue as he has always been like this. But life is too short for bad sex and I was pretty underwhelmed in the bedroom with him.
I was his first long term girlfriend, and I am now kicking myself as to why I stayed with him for so long. I now think that other women must have seen the warning signs early on and ran! He had told me that he had dated a lot (towards the end of the relationship I found out that prior to me he basically had a few dates, slept with the woman, then onto the next date etc).
I am completely the opposite: I have a very successful career, own my own home, have brilliant parents and friends and a gorgeous DC and would never 'play' anyone. After the break up my friends and family have been amazing and have told me how much I have going for myself and that basically he was a loser, a Peter Pan type character who does not live in the real world.
I am now feeling incredibly stupid in myself to have even given this relationship a go! If someone would have sat me down and showed me his qualities on paper, I would have said "no way, I need someone with stability and some drive" (they don't have to be super drive, but just want to stand on their own two feet in life at least). However, he was very good looking, fun and lighthearted during the relationship and I think this was a nice change from all of the grown up stresses that we have in life.
A friend has recently seen him on online dating and I feel hurt by this as to how quick he can move on when he was telling me that I was the most amazing person he has ever met, and he was so complimentary and made me feel good when we were together. However, looking back, when we were apart, he took hours to reply to texts and I now realise that I often felt unsettled about the relationship and how he felt about me (which isn't like me, I am usually confident and decisive).
It would be lovely to hear other people's viewpoints on this (please be nice, I am feeling low at the moment due to feeling a fool who loved a man who I now feel has just strung me along for something to do during the lockdowns so he could have a bit of company. I'm also missing seeing my lovely parents too because of lockdown).
What advice would you give so that I don't get in a similar situation again? I really hope I don't and I feel I have learned from this, not to give an emotionally immature man with no prospects any chance at all! I think I should list some non-negotiables in advance in my head. I think my problem is that I see the 'potential' in people and why not give them a change. I might have thought I could be the one to make them want to mature and advance their career or aspirations in life (but after reading the MN threads I realise that people hardly ever change).
I don't want to go through this heartache again when dating in future, as although I know he wasn't right for me, I really value the people I have in my life and would never want to hurt them. Considering we were like best friends too it has shocked me how he hasn't spoken to me since and is now online dating. I know I am well rid, it would just be nice to meet a genuine, decent man who speaks exactly what is going on in his head, rather than being false.
Any comments on what you think of my ex, whether you would have dated him and advice for me in future would be lovely.
Thankyou xx