to think in-laws unannounced late visits are unnaceptable.

[offtobuttonmoon]

They only seem to visit us at night, usually from 7pm onwards, being at their convenience, turning up unannounced. We don't have a routine but we do want evenings to be quiet time for our 2yr old.
My father-in-law always comments that she should be in bed despite knowing how we parent. When they visit she gets worked up and ends up going to sleep much later than she would of done if they were not there. It affects her the next day because she seems stroppy after her unexpected late night.
I keep asking my husband to say something but he hasn't yet. I think that he is worried about hurting their feelings and causing friction. Should I pluck up the courage and say something?

I'd make a point in saying that you are going to start a routine, then say dd's bedtime will be 7pm.

But if they can't make it over to you before 7pm could they call & let you know & maybe you could put dd down for a nap in the daytime?

She will not have day-time nap so really needs to wind down at night, has stopped daytime nap since about 18 months.

My in-laws do the same,always call around 6.30pm. they know two have a routine and at first i used to let the routine slide. but now i just carryon withs baths and milk etc and dc,s go to bed on time

I think they're making a point - they're coming at or after 7, you have a 2 year old; they obviously feel she should be in bed by then!

Maybe they are scandalised that she's not and want to make the point, I dunno?

Do what harryruby says and carry on doing what you would do if they weren't there.

We had friends who used to do this (before they had kids)...I used to seethe...... Then I used to leave them sat donwstairs for ages whilst I bathed and put the kids to bed (which I used to do extra slow).

Funnily enough they stopped doing it after a bit.

They also have kids of their own now and are paranoid about you going round in case it interferes with their routine! Talk about pots and kettles!

Is there any other reason why they come late such as your dh work, or their work hours. Are they doing it every few days. I would just carry on with bath and story etc at the same time as you would if they weren't there. If my family come round after dcs bed time then the creep in so even if my dcs are awake in bed, they won't know that there is anyone there. If they come before bed, I just say 'say goodnight to X' and take them upstairs.