Why do men have to get thanks?

[Ele38]

I don't know if I am being insensitive I am prepared if you think I am, but I am a mum to 4 kids ranging from 14 yes to 6 months. 4 days ago I got a really bad back pain radiating down leg like pulled muscle or sciatica I ain't kidding I'm in a lot of pain so changing babies nappy or putting her to bed or basically picking her up is agony, so partner has had to take a few days off work and every time he changes or bathes her he expects a thank you and to be honest I am really f**d off he is their dad. I don't get a thank you when I am helping homeschool 3 kids plus look after baby nor do I expect one I am their mum and I do it gladly but am I being unreasonable to tell him to sod off and he ain't getting thanks off me for changing his babies nappy.

@mattwanksock it's not helping, it's called parenting. The kids have 2

Because he views it as the woman's job, and thinks he's doing her a favour

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows no no no! I posted after to clarify. Just one would do

@pictish I disagree, she's unable to look after the kids properly, he should be stepping up as a parent and shouldn't be thanked for it.

@Ele38

He doesn't say he wants a thank you, he says I have changed her and if I say nothing he says " well ain't u gonna say thanks" and I could easily punch him right in the face,every time I change her I don't text him in work expecting thanks, I hate men

What did you say to him?

If it was 'Thanks' or any approximation of it, you yourself are part of the problem within your own family. Men do not 'have to get thanks'. Many men get on with fatherhood just like women get on with motherhood. Blaming 'men' removes the responsibility from your husband.

But he is doing your job for you

What a dick

Is he usually this much of a dick?

Everytime he looks at you expectantly, remind him “it’s a thankless task”

I remember coming home from work to my exH and he was telling me he’d done laundry and cleaned the bathroom, when I sat down he said “aren’t you going to say thank you” and I told him in no uncertain terms that I’d be doing all the housework for 20 years, raised our family and paid the mortgage with not one word if thanks.

My husband has done this once or twice as sharp 'why would I thank you, you're not doing it for me, it's just a job which needs doing' soon stopped him.

@Ele38

He doesn't say he wants a thank you, he says I have changed her and if I say nothing he says " well ain't u gonna say thanks" and I could easily punch him right in the face,every time I change her I don't text him in work expecting thanks, I hate men

I’d reply with - ‘if you ask for a thanks for changing your own child’s arse I’m going to punch you in the face when I’m well enough’

"Oh I didn't realise we were thanking each other for this stuff. When you're back at work should I text you every time I change a nappy, or would you prefer an email?"

@doctorhamster has the right idea!

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

When I read thread like this it makes me wonder why people sympathise when I say I'm single

This is one of the great mysteries of life! We know women live longer if single and men live longer if with a partner - then we act all sympathetic if a woman lives alone.

I think that if my DH did something that I normally do then I would thank him, just as I would expect him to say thank you if I did something that he normally does due to him being injured or unwell. He doesn't sound like a terrible man. He has taken leave at short notice to step up for you. He may realise, by the time you are feeling better, the extent of what you do and what hard work it is. Perhaps then you could have the conversation about sharing the responsibilities of looking after the children more fairly.

I hope you feel better soon.

[quote shitinmyhandsandclap]@pictish I disagree, she's unable to look after the kids properly, he should be stepping up as a parent and shouldn't be thanked for it. [/quote]
Hmm...but so many workplaces make this difficult...most, in fact.
It’s not just a case of taking time off from picking your arse is it?

Set your bar a little higher OP.

Agree with the poster above. Correct response is "Didn't you know caring for children is a thankless task? Ah well, we all find out sooner or later when we have to get stuck in and actually do our bit."

This isn’t ‘men’ it’s the one you’re with.

@shitinmyhandsandclap great name! Yes it is just parenting and if he hadn't taken time off work I would agree whole heartedly but we all know it's a pain to book time off last minute. Especially when a lot of companies are running on low staff at the minute. That's what I would thank him for.

He's not doing you a favour by being off work. Your shouldn't even thank him for that. He's taking time off work to look after his own children! If you were rushed to hospital would people still expect you to thank him for taking a day off work, or would they then appreciate it's just something that he NEEDS to do for his children

But if you're rushed to hospital, a work place are likely to be more understanding. Not minimising the OPs back pain at all but I can imagine her husbands workplace would be less perturbed.

For me it's about the work alone, everything else he should be doing anyway.

Next time he asks for thanks just tell him you're sure she would if she was able to speak yet but the baby is too young too. Why would you be saying thanks? That or a Father Jack sarcastic thank you.

@MattWanksock

But if you're rushed to hospital, a work place are likely to be more understanding. Not minimising the OPs back pain at all but I can imagine her husbands workplace would be less perturbed.

For me it's about the work alone, everything else he should be doing anyway.

I agree with you.

It's not the changing the baby, it's the taking the time off. If he was ill and you had to take over his business for 3 days (assuming self-employed) whilst still doing the majority of the childcare, wouldn't you think a thank you was a kind gesture?

Saying thank you is just a recognition that someone is doing more than they did before. Why do so many find it do hard to say it?

@Calmandmeasured1

I think that if my DH did something that I normally do then I would thank him, just as I would expect him to say thank you if I did something that he normally does due to him being injured or unwell. He doesn't sound like a terrible man. He has taken leave at short notice to step up for you. He may realise, by the time you are feeling better, the extent of what you do and what hard work it is. Perhaps then you could have the conversation about sharing the responsibilities of looking after the children more fairly.

I hope you feel better soon.

I can't believe it's 2021 and we have to talk men into thinking that parenting is not just our job

It's not the changing the baby, it's the taking the time off. If he was ill and you had to take over his business for 3 days (assuming self-employed) whilst still doing the majority of the childcare, wouldn't you think a thank you was a kind gesture?

That's a TERRIBLE analogy. Because that would be taking over his job. Child raising isn't the OP's job, it's both of theirs.

Honestly I despair of some people and how little they value themselves and their sex.

That or a Father Jack sarcastic thank you.

Oh yea do this OP pleeease