Rant!

[Gummybear2]

AIBU asking DH to help with night feeds? DS is 19 weeks and wakes up once/ max twice at night which DH wakes up for. He told me today that as I'm the one on mat leave I should be doing the night feed, which I wouldn't mind but after looking after DS all day (he struggles to have naps during the day) as well as the house, im genuinely exhausted and physically can't get up. My argument was that DH is that working from home anyway and does nothing to help during the 8-6 'work hours'. I cant tell if I'm being extra emotional, but after a lockdown pregnancy, a lockdown first born, I'm feeling quite fed up.

I think it's reasonable for him to split the night feeds with you. However if they are really long and drawn out which might impact on his focus at work maybe fewer in the week and take up the slack on Friday and Saturday for you.

It's reasonable to ask for help! When my partner went back to work after our newborn he would watch him the first part of the night until 1/2 then I would do the rest until morning therefore we both were helping but he got a good chunk of sleep before work and that worked for us!

YANBU, neither of you is really getting a break during the day, and it's not like he's up really early for a commute atm, so I think he probably should do a night feed sometimes. Maybe not as many as you, but a fair share.

Splitting them one each would be fairer. He's not doing nothing during the day either, I wouldn't say it was a fair division to have to do every night wake, they should be shared.

If you wanted someone to do what you do with your DS, you'd have to pay them to do it. It is a job. It's not fair that your DH works 10 hours a day but expects you on duty for 24. YANBU.

Splitting the night feeds would be fair. You should also really work on his naps, he should be nappy well at that age

Ask your husband does he think caring for the baby is hard?

If he says yes then it is fair to share out the care in the non work hours.

If he says no then why is he complaining about doing it.

You should take the night feeds in turns. It's only fair that way.

I am not an angry person but nothing made me feel rage quite like this. My dh is lovely but he'd do a big yawn in the morning (after a full night sleep) and it would make me feel so angry! He definitely should be helping. Hopefully your ds will start to nap more reliably in the day too. I used to love knowing after a tough night that I could have a nap with bim.