To be massively struggling?

[sameday2021]

DH out at work 12 hours per day
Homeschooling 2 primary age kids
Trying to work, keep on top of house, not fall into the trap of eating convenience foods...
Kids are too young to go for long walks and moan most of the time even if snacks and scavenger hunts included.

Literally feel like I'm in prison.
Yes, I'm home safe.
But I can't go anywhere, I can't do an online course, or watch a film, or read a book.
All I see is mess, squabbling kids etc

What are you all doing to keep sane? I need some serious help putting a strategy in place.

I thought about power walking 5k every night once DH home?

Perhaps take an afternoon bath while the kids watch a film.

Total envy at the older ladies I saw out walking with each other earlier :(

It is like a kind of prison.

My dp wfh but I work evenings. Because he’s wfh I have to treat him like he isn’t there - always on zoom meetings 🙄.

I do all the kid stuff and all the housework and all the homeschooling, then work evenings once they’re in bed, but out of the house so I actually have to be dressed and presentable. It is definitely a kind of prison. Dp works stupid hours so tends to do more work once the kids are in bed. I’m exhausted and it’s only week one 😂.

I should cut my hours really so I can fit more in/relax a bit, but then I don’t want to. It’s the only time I get to myself.

OP, I feel you. I have an 18 month old, a 4 year old and a 6 year old and I've taken a career break that's been longer than intended due to Covid. If I were at work there would be interesting things going on, new training, I'd be getting the vaccine in the next few weeks. As it is I'm stuck with 3 children day in and day out, surrounded by mess, fighting and having to endlessly clean up and provide food, don't even get me started on homeschooling. I'm definitely a worse mother, less engaged and more detached which my kids don't deserve. I'm empty.

I feel depressed, irrelevant, lonely and just so so sad. I'm starting to dread the start of each day. I love my children but I haven't had any time totally child free for 18 months now and I'm about to crack. I so so wish I was working but can't go back right now due to Covid lack of job opportunities and childcare.

@sameday2021 My mate has one and loves it. I don't have one myself I'm afraid. Reviews for it are pretty decent. Pokemon has saved my sanity during lockdown, and I'm 40 years old.

@Sarahandduck18

It is like a kind of prison.

I really feel like it is. Somebody will jump on me for saying so, but it's such a bizarre set up. I can't enjoy the outside world, no can I enjoy my home.

@Piccalino3

OP, I feel you. I have an 18 month old, a 4 year old and a 6 year old and I've taken a career break that's been longer than intended due to Covid. If I were at work there would be interesting things going on, new training, I'd be getting the vaccine in the next few weeks. As it is I'm stuck with 3 children day in and day out, surrounded by mess, fighting and having to endlessly clean up and provide food, don't even get me started on homeschooling. I'm definitely a worse mother, less engaged and more detached which my kids don't deserve. I'm empty.

I feel depressed, irrelevant, lonely and just so so sad. I'm starting to dread the start of each day. I love my children but I haven't had any time totally child free for 18 months now and I'm about to crack. I so so wish I was working but can't go back right now due to Covid lack of job opportunities and childcare.

Gosh you've got it hard. I hear you completely. It would be easier to be out at work wouldn't it? You sound very trapped.

What can we do? I'm trying to think of ideas to get though this. It's so hard.

@sameday2021 hope you've had a better day today. My husband took my older children out while the baby had a nap so a bit of peace was nice.

I honestly don't know how people are coping who have to work and have children at home too. I'm not working as I got made redundant just before a huge house renovation project, I was pregnant when that was finished and then Covid happened so lucky in a way and not in another.

You are right about trying to think of things to get us through although I'm struggling. If I knew it would only be until February I could cope better but in my head I'm looking at Easter and that feels a very long way off.

The first lockdown I took up a few new baking hobbies and that gave me some joy but this time I'm a bit fatter and would like to lose a bit of weight before spring. I'm also much more fatigued with the school work and children. I know there will be an end in sight but in the meantime it's hard.

Compared to you my life is seriously easy - WFH since March and currently 5 months pregnant with no kids to worry about. I'm still going out of my mind, missing seeing people and feeling like I'm under house arrest. I can't imagine how people are coping trying to juggle working and homeschooling on top of lockdown. Its totally normal to be struggling because it is shit and you're allowed to acknowledge that (and resort to junk food!)

@MoltenLasagne

Compared to you my life is seriously easy - WFH since March and currently 5 months pregnant with no kids to worry about. I'm still going out of my mind, missing seeing people and feeling like I'm under house arrest. I can't imagine how people are coping trying to juggle working and homeschooling on top of lockdown. Its totally normal to be struggling because it is shit and you're allowed to acknowledge that (and resort to junk food!)

It really is like house arrest isn't it? But feeling livid that I can't even enjoy the things adults without children might enjoy about being at home. It's the strangest thing.

[quote Piccalino3]@sameday2021 hope you've had a better day today. My husband took my older children out while the baby had a nap so a bit of peace was nice.

I honestly don't know how people are coping who have to work and have children at home too. I'm not working as I got made redundant just before a huge house renovation project, I was pregnant when that was finished and then Covid happened so lucky in a way and not in another.

You are right about trying to think of things to get us through although I'm struggling. If I knew it would only be until February I could cope better but in my head I'm looking at Easter and that feels a very long way off.

The first lockdown I took up a few new baking hobbies and that gave me some joy but this time I'm a bit fatter and would like to lose a bit of weight before spring. I'm also much more fatigued with the school work and children. I know there will be an end in sight but in the meantime it's hard. [/quote]
The time scale is my problem too! I don't believe mid-Feb is even the faintest possibility at all, I am thinking end April when the schools would usually go back after Easter.

Also need to lose a few lockdown pounds. Never struggled with my weight before this year so having to make and plan, buy and make 3 meals, 2 snacks + a supper for growing kids is making the whole situation tricky.

Stay strong!

The only thing keeping me sane is going out for a walk rain or shine after the kids are in bed with music on, fantasising for 45 minutes I’m somewhere else and in a different situation. I then go home for a hot bath and try to do a bit of self care.

It’s probably not healthy but it stops me drinking alcohol which I found myself doing in the first lockdown.

It’s shit.

@Sexnotgender

Can’t the 23 month old go to nursery?

Cleaners can come in- they can’t work from
Home so can go to work

To all the parents (it mostly seems to be women on here) trying to home school and WFH, just stop the home schooling. Who ever said anyone had to do both? Where is that in the rules? Let your children do what they can autonomously, and leave it at that. Give them chores to do relevant to their age, or let them read, play, watch TV, go in the garden. If they are old enough get them to cook, stock check and tidy the food cupboards, place online orders at Tesco, take the bins out, write stories, create a family documentary, docudrama, soap opera. Form a childcare bubble with other local WFH mums so you share the burden esp of young children. Stop trying to cover the bases in the usual ways, get creative, think laterally about the situation. Fuck home schooling when you never expected, intended, trained for or wanted it. Education can take many forms.

Let your children grow up a bit! Any child 5 or older can understand the situation and adapt to more being expected of them. This is a unique situation calling for new responses and behaviours.

Another thing to try is geocaching. There's an app showing locations of the cache. You essentially follow the map and find the very well hidden item. Sometimes they contain nik naks like Teddy bears or postcards, and take a pen to write on the slip of paper inside the date you found it.

And whatever time your dh gets in, he needs to be on charge for an hour! I agree go for a walk, couch to 5k, or take a bath, read a book, hide in the shed, whatever.

It is bloody hard. I had a shit day trying to home school my v non compliant 6yo on Friday, my non working day so thought we'd nail it. How wrong was I. I've only just come out the other side of a stress induced migraine. My 3.5yo was more interested. So at least he'll be well advanced when he starts school in Sept 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh I feel the same OP, my children and 1 and 2 so at least I don't have to home school but husband is out 12 hours a day and being stuck at home all day (other than a short, very slow walk with the kids) is really hard, I just watch my house get trashed and answer constant demands for snacks, toilet trips, nappy changes, fights over toys, make believe play, without ever doing anything for myself and I don't know how much more I can take.

I don't have any suggestions to add but reading through this I think I'm going to try and get out for a walk in the evenings once kids are asleep.

DH does pull his weight when he's around but it's like if he looks after the kids by himself for a few hours at the weekend (usually while I clean/tidy/food shop which isn't exactly a break just something different) he thinks I've had a break and can't understand why I still feel exhausted and overwhelmed but it's just not enough.

Get your children to think for themselves and create their own solutions.

Instead of you spoon feeding them and covering all the bases

@joystir59

To all the parents (it mostly seems to be women on here) trying to home school and WFH, just stop the home schooling. Who ever said anyone had to do both? Where is that in the rules? Let your children do what they can autonomously, and leave it at that. Give them chores to do relevant to their age, or let them read, play, watch TV, go in the garden. If they are old enough get them to cook, stock check and tidy the food cupboards, place online orders at Tesco, take the bins out, write stories, create a family documentary, docudrama, soap opera. Form a childcare bubble with other local WFH mums so you share the burden esp of young children. Stop trying to cover the bases in the usual ways, get creative, think laterally about the situation. Fuck home schooling when you never expected, intended, trained for or wanted it. Education can take many forms.

The trouble is school, ofsted and Gavin fuckin Williamson are sending the message that this work is compulsory this time round and we ARE expected to teach!

I'm not saying I disagree with you. This is what I posted on my Facebook page, along with a photo of my Dd crying over a maths worksheet she didn't want to do....

The reality of homeschooling here is not a happy one. School sets worksheets, which we're told are compulsory. Do i push on and make her do the worksheets because she 'needs to learn' - and is that, needs to learn the skills, or needs to learn to conform and do what she's told?! Or do we abandon the sheets, do our own topics, with a bit of maths, reading and writing chucked in?! Or do we go further and spend the next two months baking, bird watching and reading?! I think this is quite an important moral dilemma actually! Thoughts from my Facebook community? 💭

There was an overwhelming consensus from my friends to learn in other ways. Lego number bonds. Learn about food chains. Baking uses maths. Write to nana. I am going to try all this. I did lots last lockdown, was all over five minute mum and phonics family like a rash. However the difference was, I was not working! It was warm, we could go out!

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Sexnotgender

Can’t the 23 month old go to nursery?

Cleaners can come in- they can’t work from
Home so can go to work[/quote]
Nurseries in Scotland are shut😫 and my cleaner has no childcare either.

@Sexnotgender

Oh shit, well that’s super shit!

Sorry!

No advice but I feel for you.
My dgs is an only dc and although he is quite good at amusing himself I do worry that he’s effectively on his own all day while his df wfh.

This pandemic has shown how much families and communities really need each other.

I feel you. It's just like house arrest most of the time. The parks are now so muddy I don't feel safe walking across them with a baby in the carrier and no matter how many layers I wrestle dress DD in she lasts about 20 minutes before crying that she's too cold.

I'd give anything to go to soft play or someone else's house just for something different.

With regards cooking I have found the bags of cooked slice chicken a godsend! I get mine from Aldi.

Easy to make wraps, use in curry, pasta, chicken noodle soup or just do with chips and peas.

I've also made sure I'm making meals that don't require umpteen pans etc to limit washing up!

So meatballs in a casserole dish, boil pasta and add with passata and top with cheese and out back in oven.

Rinse saucepan and use it to cook veg in whilst it's in oven!

Can you make snack boxes up? I use to do this when ds was younger and he got what was in there daily and could help himself but he only got what was in there.

What about you tube babysitting? So find a craft activity they could manage independently and they watch and make.

Also remember bbc are doing educational videos daily so don't feel bad if the tv takes over some home schooling!

Are they competitive? Would they prefer a walk with some competition in it? Find the most red cars, yellow front doors etc. Winner gets to choose a film when you get home - so then you can get another bit of peace!

No denying this is hard and people feel trapped. No denying most people feel it'll go on longer than feb. But I've found accepting how I feel and accepting it's normal has helped. Doesn't matter that we are doing it for the greater good etc it's fine to find it shit.

It’s shit. There’s absolutely no doubt about that. I think it helps to psychologically accept that this is a time for survival, getting through, and doing whatever you need to do to achieve that. If buying pre-prepared meals helps then do it. Try not to put any undue stress on yourself by comparing life to pre-Covid or comparing your life to others. Take comfort in the fact it will end soon (well, maybe 2 months). I know it doesn’t seem like there is an end but it will happen.