Am I being ridiculous, selfish and reckless?

[Headsshoulderskneesandtoes00]

Am I being ridiculous, selfish and reckless for not wanting my DD to be looked after/home schooled full time by someone neither of us has met while I start a new job? DDs dad won't say who the person is, other than they are currently quarantining for 10 days.

Do you have concerns about DDs dad ability to make decisions for his child?

I haven't voted as I'd like more information first if possible. Are you together? If not what are usual contact arrangements?

Is this her dads partner?

I guess it's her dad's partner then? He can make decisions the same as you can.

So DD's dad presumably has met the person and thinks they are suitable?

If they are isolating, can you have a phone conversation with them, to reassure yourself?

We are not together, haven't been since pregnancy. He is not often open with the information he provides. All I know is that they are currently quarantining. He does have a gf, I can only assume she has flown in. Other than that, I am clueless.

Dad’s partner or an au pair? Travelling from abroad I guess given the quarantine?

No not an au pair I don't think. He has a gf who he met online 😬 I'm sure he wouldn't have her come across if he didn't trust her. I just need someone to tell me to grow up really!

I'm just a bit miffed at the lack of courtesy really. At not saying this person is flying in and she is going to meet our DD. It smacks of disrespect. But then I am being selfish for wanting to return to work.

Are you in the UK? She shouldn't have come over anyway. Where is she from? So basically a stranger has come over from another country and you are going to let her have full care of your DD?

How old is your DD?

I don't think you need to grow up as I wouldn't like that either, but what would you like to happen instead? For him to take time off work? How old is your DD?

Returning to work is hardly selfish when you're a single parent with a DD to clothe/feed so knock that idea on the head!

YANBU I would want to know who was looking after my children & find it strange that he's being secretive. I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to know. I find it strange on MN that partners can make big decisions without consulting the other parent.

I wonder where she has flown in from? Surely we're not supposed to travel at the moment?

Can you ask DD for more info in a friendly - 'oh how was your day' kind of way?

I find it strange on MN that partners can make big decisions without consulting the other parent. I don't think it's a Mumsnet thing though. Usually whichever parent's contact time it is means they can choose things like childcare options for those days.

The thing is, if you don't like it and rely on him, you'll have to make different arrangements yourself.

He gets to choose while she's with him. Do I think it's stupid and reckless on his part? Yes. Can you stop him? No.

@Headsshoulderskneesandtoes00

I'm just a bit miffed at the lack of courtesy really. At not saying this person is flying in and she is going to meet our DD. It smacks of disrespect. But then I am being selfish for wanting to return to work.

You are not being selfish for returning to work. Would you say the same about a man going back after shares maternity/paternity period?

Well I don't rely on him in the grand scheme of things. He has her on the days he is meant to and I plan my life around that. In normal circumstances, DD would be at school and my hours have been tailored to fit around school. Part time, term time. With the situation at the moment, I have little choice but to look to him for some extra support where needed. I could send her to school every day during my time with her as I will be a critical worker but it is important also to keep those days to only where needed. As she is in his care every other week on Thursday's and Friday's, I thought it would be better all round to reduce her time mixing at school while not disrupting her dad's work commitments as much. I discussed this all with him. It wasn't a big decision I ultimately made myself

@Ponoka7

Are you in the UK? She shouldn't have come over anyway. Where is she from? So basically a stranger has come over from another country and you are going to let her have full care of your DD?

How old is your DD?

Yes I am in the UK, he is too. She is Spanish I think. I only know that because I snooped once out of curiosity 😬 He has said a thing. I suppose that is his business. DD is under 5. It becomes my business when the two come together...being kept in the dark isn't very good at all.

No I wouldn't like this at all. You should at least no who is looking after your child!