Aibu to not know how to deal with heartbreak? Or letting go?

[Justneedadvice636465]

So I split up with my ex last year just before our anniversary in October. I don't know if you saw my last post but it definitely wasn't without its problems!

It is over and I'm pretty sure he's also seeing someone else. I was under the impression we were taking a break to work on ourselves so we could get back together obviously wasn't the case.

But I am just so heartbroken I don't know how to be without him I've spent so long with him and we have kids together and I just don't know how to let go. We would still talk daily and spent Xmas together etc and I thought it was going in the right direction but I don't know what to do. I've told him today we shouldn't talk at all unless about the kids and we had a rather bad talk mainly on my side about him moving on so fast and why he didn't just say he had no intention of making it work instead of giving me hope etc but I literally still just want him to the point it's consuming me. I can't eat I struggle to sleep I just feel so depressed.

How the f*ck do you deal with heartbreak? I genuinely don't see myself ever being with anyone else but I don't know how to let go

Bumping this for you

The heart wants what it wants, ops- you can’t do much about it, let it. But the thing it wants, doesn’t seem viable according to your post ops, I am sorry. The old boring unhelpful thing (but fact) is: time will help. In the meantime: focus on kids, job etc, you also need ( very important) a really good friend/ family member who lets you moan, cry, sob whenever you feel weak/ pain thinking about him/ memories with him. Keep repeating: this too shall pass.
Someone told me: if you walk away from a guy whose mind not in it- nobody gets hurt. But if you try to cling on- somebody gets destroyed (could be you, could be the guy, could be both but in this case it is you sadly).
Take your time ops, it’s not easy, an addiction also is not easy and you relapse... but you will crush it once your mind takes over...

It takes time.
I found getting massages helped. Physical touch, someone caring for me.

I think if you just focus on getting through the day, after a few weeks you realise you don't need that person to survive. You realise that they were a chapter in your life and now it's passed.

Late to the party here. I hope you are doing ok?

I just wanted to add a couple of things to the great advice you've already got.

Firstly, keep busy as much as possible doing what you and your kids enjoy most obviously lockdown compliant.

Secondly, you know he's moved on, you can't change that so don't let it show it's bothering you as much as possible. I know it's easier said than done but it will be a small victory for you in years to come knowing you didn't show him you cared and he'll be really miffed and annoyed you didn't care I bet. Also it's best for the kids to lead by example that things hurt but be brave and carry on.

Good luck to you.

As previous posters have said, it does take time. I found that focusing on myself and my children helped a lot, I made plans for the future, things to do with the house, my job, hobbies to do with kids etc...
I tried as much as possible to forget about him, but you do need to step back to allow yourself the space to heal, you will struggle if you stay in a kind of semi relationship with him. Stay civil, but only communicate about the children. To be honest, to me it sounds as if he didn't tell you he was moving on so that you would be there as a back up option if it doesn't work out and that is not ok! You are worth more than that. Take it a day at a time, be gentle with yourself, you are only human and allowed to be hurt and angry. You will get through this

Childish, I know, but I've found that hating the fucker who broke my heart is strangely therapeutic.

Also, focus on all the annoying things he did that you'll never have to put up with again.

A very logical friend of mine suggested setting aside a time slot of a couple of hours in the day to wallow and then gradually reducing it. Obviously this didn't stop me being upset at other times but it kind of made me feel more in control. I would decide my wallowing time was in the afternoon so it would help me get on with other things in the morning.
I also agree with the massage suggestion. Basically anything that involves caring for yourself.