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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not say sorry to the guy next door.

21 replies

Meowmeow202027 · 07/01/2021 16:24

My ndn is a complete nightmare. Music until early hrs of the morning. Smoking weed in the stairs. Various women banging and screaming at his door about what a prick he is etc . Lots of banging about dunno what hes doing tho but its pretty loud.
Last night my 18 month old had a bad night. He screamed on and off for a few hrs he finally went to sleep at 1ish. It was pretty full on and i have said sorry to my other ndn who didn't hear it ( or so they say)
On passing he mentioned the noise which i replied yeah he was pretty bad last night and at this point he said well are you not sorry. I said no. Which he mumbled something as i left. He never cares about how he makes our lifes hell or how many times ive been woken up due to him. I just couldn't say it aibu

OP posts:

Godimabitch · 07/01/2021 16:28

He asked if you were sorry?!

God I wish you said "you've disturbed our night loads of times and you're a grown man. You've never apologised"

I wouldn't apologise to my neighbour for my baby crying anyway, babies cry, you weren't doing it deliberately so dont feel bad.

CareBear50 · 07/01/2021 16:34

He didn't deserve an apology but you missed your chance to tell him how his lifestyle affects you on an ongoing basis!

MillieVanilla · 07/01/2021 16:37

I'd be putting a note through saying, 'the reason I am almost sorry is because you seem to ignore the fact that you are antisocial nightmare for the majority of the time. When YOU apologise for the constant disturbance you and your "guests" cause, I will consider apologising that a baby who has no control as yet makes noise"
What a knobend. Do you have a landlord or some one you can speak to, if he thinks it's acceptable to be off with a woman on the stairs he needs warning.

Ginkypig · 07/01/2021 16:38

if all you said was no in reply rather than bring attention to the fact that your house made noise one night not through choice and not respecting people living around you like he does regularly but because a human too young to be reasoned with couldn’t be calmed then you’ve given him cart blanch to think fuck it I’m not sorry either.

He is a twunt though!

DDiva · 07/01/2021 16:41

I think you should have elaborated a bit. Something like "No you disturb us all the time".

SmileyClare · 07/01/2021 16:42

Various women banging and screaming at his door about what a prick he is

Well there it is then. You're living next door to a prick and you can't expect pricks to be reasonable about anything. That's been confirmed by various women.

If you're renting or HA you could try noting down his noise levels and disruptive behaviour and report it? (If it's seriously impacting your home life.)

MissMarpleDarling · 07/01/2021 16:43

Next time baby is like that be sure to stand on the side of the house closer to his house rather than your nice neighbour 😆

littlepattilou · 07/01/2021 16:43

@Godimabitch

He asked if you were sorry?!

God I wish you said "you've disturbed our night loads of times and you're a grown man. You've never apologised"

I wouldn't apologise to my neighbour for my baby crying anyway, babies cry, you weren't doing it deliberately so dont feel bad.

This. ^ I know it's hard to think on your feet when you're put on the spot like this, but next time (if there is one) tell him that your baby makes nowhere NEAR as much noise as HE makes, and he's got a nerve.

Cheeky twat.

OrigamiOwl · 07/01/2021 16:56

No, I wouldn't have apologised and everything he disturbed me in the future I'd go around there to see if he wanted to apologise.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 07/01/2021 16:59

The fact he even asked “are you not sorry” tells you everything you need to know about this guy. I’d make it a point never to apologise to him for anything ever even if I was definitely being an arse.

Cherrysoup · 07/01/2021 17:07

He’s an arsehole for asking. Why the hell didn’t you tell him so for all his disruptive shit behaviour?

Original poster

Meowmeow202027 · 07/01/2021 17:13

Hes the type of guy who thinks hes gods gift to women and that hes a good guy. From experience its best just to leave it as he comes across as a aggressive person and we are moving asap. And according to the many women whos had the misfortune of being near him hes a prick.

OP posts:

BobbidyBob · 07/01/2021 17:14

@CareBear50

He didn't deserve an apology but you missed your chance to tell him how his lifestyle affects you on an ongoing basis!

This x100000!

Calmandmeasured1 · 07/01/2021 17:29

Well your response was totally childish - just saying no and walking off and then writing a thread on MN about it.

Does he actually know he is making too much noise? Have you complained about it to him? You could ask him what the banging is about and when it is likely to finish. You could have asked him not to play loud music in the early hours of the morning. Walking off may make you feel better but it doesn't solve anything.

icelollycraving · 07/01/2021 17:29

He think he's a good guy who is also aggressive. I would be recording the baby next time and playing it v loud every time I went out. Knob. You missed your chance though to make it clear how he disturbs your home.

1forAll74 · 07/01/2021 17:37

I would not say sorry to him. he probably speaks with the mind of a weed dope, so doesn't have any manners, but in his weed mind,he sees things only his way.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 07/01/2021 17:44

I wouldn't apologise either babies cry, you can't stop that, whereas an adult can control the amount of noise they make.

Next time he's making a lot of noise and you pass him on the stairs, make comment and ask if he's sorry.

PissedOffAgain · 07/01/2021 18:13

@1forAll74

I would not say sorry to him. he probably speaks with the mind of a weed dope, so doesn't have any manners, but in his weed mind,he sees things only his way.

I'm not sure that him smoking weed makes him an arsehole. That seems to be an innate quality.

My previous neighbours would always apologise to me when their children screamed all night (even though I rarely heard them) and I'd apologise to them if we had a late one (and they rarely heard us). But then none of us were arseholes.

I do agree that the OP has missed an opportunity to call him out on his lack of consideration generally (although he can't strictly be blamed for random women turning up).4

Perhaps have a few stock phrases ready if he mentions it again (as I assume that your child may scream at night again)
eg "Are you sorry? "Well, I'm not thrilled as I'd rather my child slept, but it's difficult when there's music/random women/etc disturbing their sleep every night"

MellowYellow101 · 07/01/2021 18:16

@Meowmeow202027

Sounds like a prick.

#sorrynotsorry

queenMab99 · 07/01/2021 18:19

The posters who are saying you should have replied more fully with your reasons are forgetting the first rule of mumsnet , 'no is a complete sentence' and to argue with a man like that on the stairs would have been asking for trouble anyway! You were wise to just do and say what you did.

Original poster

Meowmeow202027 · 07/01/2021 21:21

@Calmandmeasured1

Well your response was totally childish - just saying no and walking off and then writing a thread on MN about it.

Perhaps i didn't want trouble at my door as he really is a nasty piece of work. I haven't spoke to him about noise but others have. It didn't go well.

OP posts:

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