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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

help me decide please...

20 replies

houselikeashed · 07/01/2021 13:09

I really need to just talk through this decision please.
DD 15 (y11) has the option to go into school during lockdown.
BUT.

-She would have to full board rather than her usual weekly boarding.
-She's never been away for that long
-We'd miss her.
-She is autistic and can't really learn at home.
-She would miss the dogs (and hopefully us too!)
-She would be with a v good friend at school
-She would learn in a classroom with her friend and teacher (whilst teacher is live streamed out to homes) so would actually do some work
-better for her mental health to be with a friend
-she would be mixing with more people than if she was at home, so more chance of picking up Covid

Thoughts please. What would you do?

OP posts:
Itsmainingren · 07/01/2021 13:19

Hi OP, it would help if you would clarify which vote means what.

If your daughter wants to go in then I would go with her wishes. Being with her friends for 6 weeks sounds much more fun than being isolated at home. Besides, the risks of covid at her age are practically nil. Finally, surely this isn't an irreversible decision, if she changes her mind she can come home.

LittleGwyneth · 07/01/2021 13:24

I think it sounds like being there would be the best option for her. What are the options if she goes but is massively homesick and needs to come home? As long as you've got the option to bring her home if it's a disaster, I would give it a go.

JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat · 07/01/2021 13:34

I'd say yes, send her. Long term it'll benefit her more

Knottedstomach11 · 07/01/2021 13:37

If she wants to then I would let her go be with her friends

Original poster
houselikeashed · 07/01/2021 13:49

I think I know deep down it would be better for her to go in to school, but I'd miss her! And she would be more at risk at picking up Covid, and being sent home with it.

So my reasons for keeping her at home are selfish I guess.

OP posts:
Daisysflowers · 07/01/2021 14:00

Would they send her home if she caught covid there though? Surely it makes more sense for her to stay there as I would have thought others would need to isolate anyway, rather then bringing it home to your family?

But hopefully if she is a staying there in that bubble she will be less likely to catch covid if everyone is doing the same?
If she wants to go I would let her.

NothingICanDo · 07/01/2021 14:06

No. Sorry. I couldn't. Especially they way things are...I could not send my child off not knowing when I could see them again. And knowing they missed me,the family,the dog. No. But i do wish you luck in whatever you choose to do op.

NothingICanDo · 07/01/2021 14:06

What does she want to do ?

Original poster
houselikeashed · 07/01/2021 14:10

She thinks it would be best to be at school. Sad

OP posts:
NothingICanDo · 07/01/2021 14:12

Do you trust she understands all it would entail?Or do you think she doesn't realise and is likely to be upset/homesick?

Original poster
houselikeashed · 07/01/2021 14:23

I think she does understand. We have had one discussion about this so far. Her concerns were around not seeing the dogs for 5 weeks. (remember she's autistic). We would not be able to visit her. Usually when she weekly boards, I take her out to Costa once a week and bring the dogs with me for her to see. So it would be a long time for her to be away.

I've just asked school if she would isolate at home or school if she was to test positive.

OP posts:
NothingICanDo · 07/01/2021 14:26

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot op.
If she did go ..and started to get upset mid way through...I'm sure they would have to allow her to be picked up?Or is this just not an option at all?

BIWI · 07/01/2021 14:27

Why is this an AIBU?
Why is it not posted in the Coronavirus topic?

LittleGwyneth · 07/01/2021 14:38

@BIWI

Why is this an AIBU? Why is it not posted in the Coronavirus topic?
Why are you so unkind to a stranger whose daughter has autism and is struggling during a pandemic?
2bazookas · 07/01/2021 14:40

Weekly boarding has given her a good practice run . Why don't you try full boarding, present it to her as " now you're old enough and independent enough; lets try it for this term".
Give it a fair chance, see if she adapts in a month or so. If it doesn't work out, you can revert to the status quo.

   I imagine the school has lots of experience at this and can give  her lots of support; and they'll also give you some good advice on the best kind/frequency  of contact with home   to help her settle.
Anyoldname12 · 07/01/2021 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

2bazookas · 07/01/2021 14:43

Maybe the dogs could send her a whatsapp picture and message every day. Or give her a photo album all about the dogs.

Original poster
houselikeashed · 07/01/2021 14:51

Yes, boarding is certainly not like 'the olden days ' now. With FaceTime and messages, there is lots of contact. It's hard to say goodbye to her for such a long time though…and no hugs….
I realise now this is all about me, not DD!!

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 07/01/2021 14:52

If everyone there is having to board full time is there really more risk of it being brought in?

I agree I'd go with her choice. You'd miss her but this is a short term option that does have an end (probably April)

Original poster
houselikeashed · 08/01/2021 14:14

So she's officially going in to school as of next week.
I feel really sad not going to see her for such a long while, but she will be happy and she will get some work done.

There will be a handful of pupils in, including her friend, so I'm sure she will have a good time. I'm sure most 15yr olds would rather spend lockdown with a friend rather than with their parents!!

OP posts:
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