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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sending child to school when there is a parent available

29 replies

bellrooster · 07/01/2021 10:33

My partners ex-wife is insisting on sending their son to school under the keyworker provision despite my partner offering to look after him whilst she's at work.

would you agree that this is so wrong?

firstly, the school have asked that only children who absolutely have no other form of childcare in place to be sent to school.

secondly, isn't the best way of slowing down the spread of virus is to limit contact wherever we possibly can? When its not necessary, why send a child into a setting where he will be in contact with many other children and adults. Its not just the school day but wrap around care aswell, so breakfast club and afterschool club.

from a selfish point of view I feel that its putting myself, my partner and my 2 daughters at unnecessary risk aswell, in particular I'm concerned about my 6 month old baby catching the virus.

I get the impression that the ex-wife doesn't want her son to spend time with his Dad outside the set times that they have in place.

OP posts:

Boulshired · 07/01/2021 10:54

Maybe she doesn’t trust him to be reliable, maybe she thinks it will be used against her, maybe she thinks his partner will slag her off behind her back and judge her.

HugeAckmansWife · 07/01/2021 10:59

Is your DH likely to properly oversee and implement the home learning? Will he reduce his maintenance for the next 6 weeks if he gives him lunch every day? Is he someone who would use this as a way to control the way his ex parents? - Apologies - I am absolutely projecting some issues here but most divorced parents sadly do not trust each other as far as they can throw them, often with good reason. Can you, hand on heart, say that your DH is doing this with the child's best interests at heart? If so, then ask again.

Coldilox · 07/01/2021 11:00

Of course your partner should look after the DC if he is able to, assuming there is no legitimate reason why contact should be limited. Can he email the school and make them aware he is able to look have his DC?

gingerbiscuits · 07/01/2021 11:01

Yes! 100% wrong! WTF don't people understand about the danger?? We are at risk of being completely overwhelmed by this virus & the schools are closed as a last resort!

I am a Teacher & we have countless parents taking the piss like this. So much so that we currently have a THIRD of our pupils IN SCHOOL! Our entire staff is having to work their normal hours in the building as well as recording lessons & preparing work from home as well as homeschooling their own children!! All the time feeling bloody terrified!!

Original poster

bellrooster · 07/01/2021 11:07

Yes he would implement the home learning. He works for himself so can dedicate himself entirely to his son whilst they're together.

He wouldn't change maintenance payments, it wouldn't even enter his head to do that. I know I'm biased but he is a very fair and gentle person. The previous comment about 'slagging off' etc just isn't how we are. The offer is purely because we want to keep him safe, and ourselves protected from any exposure to covid.

OP posts:

Charlie63849 · 07/01/2021 11:08

She’s a single mum so she’s entitled for her child to be in school. I’d rather have my child in a school setting then having a possible unreliable ex fill in.

Charlie63849 · 07/01/2021 11:09

Considering he would still be working then no id send my child to school.

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2021 11:11

Nothing here suggests The Dad is unreliable so why the assumption?
If he is reliable and willing and able to home school then of course that’s better than the child going to school

Original poster

bellrooster · 07/01/2021 11:12

I feel for you gingerbiscuits. I work in a primary school, but I'm on maternity leave. The thought of going into school the way things are is very scary indeed.

OP posts:

GreenPlum · 07/01/2021 11:12

We know the obvious reasons why this should not happen, but what advantage is there to being at school? They're not doing normal lessons for those that go in. They're supervising online learning. It's pretty grim from reports I'm getting.

WorraLiberty · 07/01/2021 11:13

'The' ex wife?

Original poster

bellrooster · 07/01/2021 11:14

He wouldn't be working while looking after his son Charlie, he can work in the evenings if he needs to.

OP posts:

FAQs · 07/01/2021 11:15

How old is the child, is he in an exam year?

Can your partner home school with 3 other children.

muddyellowdog · 07/01/2021 11:15

@gingerbiscuits

Yes! 100% wrong! WTF don't people understand about the danger?? We are at risk of being completely overwhelmed by this virus & the schools are closed as a last resort!

I feel so sorry for teachers. This school 'closure' is not at all what teachers were envisioning. They now have loads of kids in school so they're not safe plus the home schooling to do. I think they're in a worse position now than last week and can't believe the unions aren't stepping in. This lock down is going to go on and on with schools still so full.

Pinkfreesias · 07/01/2021 11:17

Of course you're right, OP. But you're the child's stepmother so you'll get short shrift from many on here. Even in the face of a rapidly worsening pandemic.

Original poster

bellrooster · 07/01/2021 11:23

He's 9 FAQ

He more than likely wouldn't be coming to our house where I live with my 2 girls. My partner has a house near his ex so he would home school from there.

OP posts:

Coseynightin · 07/01/2021 11:25

I agree it is utterly selfish of the ex wife.

My partner is going through the same thing. The ex-wife hasn't even discussed the decision with my partner.

parsnipsnotsprouts · 07/01/2021 11:28

I posted about a similar issue over in stepparenting. Got flamed by many.

Original poster

bellrooster · 07/01/2021 11:33

Yes I can understand that step parenting can be an emotive subject.

OP posts:

Coseynightin · 10/01/2021 08:32

I think it is disgusting behaviour really and any decision should be discussed with the nrp. They may agree to send the child into school, but surely the choice should be given?

Original poster

bellrooster · 10/01/2021 16:02

Coseynightin I agree, he should have a say it what happens but he's been at school all week and we've since found out she has been working from home.

OP posts:

SingANewSongChickenTikka · 10/01/2021 16:34

We should all be doing everything we can to limit possible chains of transmission and social contacts. So all things being even and with no concerns about the child being with his father then the bets option would be for him to be with the father and not in school for now.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 10/01/2021 16:37

Of course yanbu - some of the parents at my child’s school are complete idiots too.
One said today that she was pleased that more children were going in next week - ‘that’ll be nice for them.... ‘ x

MissMarpleDarling · 10/01/2021 16:42

Can he not tell the school op. YANBU the ex is selfish.

chocolatemonster · 10/01/2021 16:49

All the assumptions on here on about dads ulterior motives.

He can homeschool so his ds doesn't need to go to school.

Many parents are winging it with homeschooling- it doesn't have to be perfect.

Imagine if this was the reverse and the OP wrote that the ex wife had asked him to homeschool and he refused? He's in a no win situation.

Good on him for offering.

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