when i was a child, i was fat. as in, morbidly obese.
when i was 11, i weighed over 12 stone at about 5'3.
i was fat throughout my whole childhood, and i remember first binging at about 4ish.
i would throw tantrums that i couldn't have another kinder bar after eating the rest of the pack that same day.
i would steal my mum's sweets and chocolate and she'd find wrappers down the side of my bed.
so when i was 11 i started to barely eat i went to school without eating breakfast, threw away my lunch and ate a warburtons sandwich thin with 2 chicken sandwich meat slices for dinner.
i lost roughly, over 3 stone i think. everyone complimented me on my weight loss and even my guides leader asked me if it was intentional or not, i said yes and she congratulated me and told me i looked amazing.
so, my point is that i've always struggled with food.
my best friend from the age of about 5-13 was my only friend for quite a lot of those years.
as a result, i spent a lot of time at her house. she ate less healthy than me and her diet is still really unhealthy, yet she was always skinny.
however, since the age of maybe 9, i realised that she would never finish her meal when we got takeaways, left food if she wasn't hungry anymore, when we got snacks such as pringles she would grab a few but then would stop, i would always eat at least half the can, even if i felt sick. if we ate a lot of snacks later at night she wouldn't eat breakfast when her mum offered it to us and then would just eat lunch and dinner as normal.
i understand this is why she was skinny, because she would just miss the calories that she had eaten more of the day before.
but i'm just curious as to why we were so different. my mum wasn't overweight until i was older (maybe 7 years old, so way after i started binging), my dad was but it was never a big deal and i was always fed normal portions by my parents before it started.
it seems almost like i was just born with it because even now, i have to remind myself not to carry on eating when i feel sick.
i got fish and chips tonight and was given a huge portion, i ate the fish and felt sick before i could eat many chips, and it almost felt like an accomplishment that i stopped when i felt sick instead of carrying on.
i'm still a teenager but it has been my hugest insecurity for almost my whole life and many times i have broken down over it. i have had so many periods of disordered eating and even now i sometimes slip back into either not eating, or binging.
it's just been so difficult so if someone could give me some sort of an explanation as to why i was so different to my friend i would really appreciate it.