AIBU to consider long distance relationship?

[Tosh2021]

Met my partner whilst he was doing a years stint at my workplace- Knew it was for a year, but I still got involved, we've been dating 8 months. His return got delayed by corona, but very soon he's going to have to return.

We are serious, or as serious as an 8 month relationship can be. We don't fight, our relationship is healthy and secure- We both had sketchy exes, which I think has made us both more grateful to have met each other. We also have similar goals, and want to eventually move to the same country abroad together. This is workable within both of our careers.

Realistically, we could see each other every three months. My work is now also done from home, so I could easily fly out for a month at a time. Flights are doable cost wise if I go for budget ones, it's 7 hours.

AIBU to think this is doable? For one year, hopefully, if we're unlucky then two.

I love him but also I don't know if I'm setting myself up for heartbreak but also if I break up with him now to avoid long distance I'm breaking my heart anyway

To add- He HAS to go back, his visa expires. His mum also has a terminal health condition, so he has to he there for her. I can't move there for a year as I'm in the last two years of training to finish my certification which will literally set my career up for life

You’ll need to be very sure about the rules and implications for your employer before planning to work from overseas for a month at a time. The only way you can do this is by discussing it with them. There are potential tax implications, it also regulatory issues for some professions. If they say no, then the decision will be out of your hands.

I met my DH 12 years ago, we had a long distance relationship for 4 years before we lived together. Then DH went to University for 3 years used to see each other once every 2-3 months and now he is a long distance driver.

We have never been happier, our time together is always special and you find ways to communicate and find special moments. It takes a lot of communication and 150% trust, if there is any doubt what so ever in trust it wont work.

I think LDRs can be very successful as long as both parties are on board and committed, and understand there will be difficulties.

Also there generally needs to be a clear ‘end point’ when you’ll be living in the same home/place again, otherwise it can become a bit demoralising if you have no idea how long you’ll be going back and forth.

I don’t think there’s any harm in trying. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder ‘what could’ve been’, but also manage your expectations and understand it can be difficult.

Agree with an end point or goal in mind.

See if you can work oversees for a month at a time, as a way to see if your relationship is stable enough for something more serious.

Who will live where if/when you move in together? Etc.

In general, though, if I were in your position, I would give it as good a chance as I could. Life is for living, and if you find a good person to be with, try to make it work.

Can't comment on the practicalities re working abroad etc. but I agree with @Sparklesocks, definitely no harm in trying but yes it is hard work and depending on how your communication is and several other factors it can be really tough to stick it out.

FWIW, my DP moved away after I'd known him for 6 months, and we decided to give the long distance thing a go anyway. I am ridiculously anxious and highly strung and tbh that made it really difficult for me to cope with for a significant amount of time, but it was worth it in the end. Looking forward (COVID willing) to finally closing the gap in a few months and starting the next chapter of my life.

Thanks for the replies- by 'workplace' I mean a company I do my work for, but I am technically self employed, my work is all virtual. I've worked abroad before, and I'm familar with the tax procedures, licensing, etc...

We have an end goal in mind, and a country we would like to move to together. It is definitely time limited and not open long distance with no end goal.

It's absolutely doable if you are both committed to it and realistic about the challenges and have long term plans to be together. Dh and I dated for 6 months (living in another country) and then we both had to move home to our respective countries on opposite sides of the world. We were an 11 hour flight from each other for the next 2 years. It was hard, not from the sense of it was hard on our relationship, but it was hard living in limbo for so long. Neither of us knew our situations were permanent and it felt like a long waiting game. But it was very worth it in the end.

I moved to the UK finally when my work situation changed and I was able to get a visa, and we got married shortly after that. Been married 12 years now with two dc, and very glad we persevered. I think you both have to be really sure of what you're getting into and also have the same long term goal. When we moved home after those 6 months, we both knew we were looking at 2 years apart because of my work and then we had concrete plans to get married and for me to move, and we were both very focussed on making that happen. It would have been harder feeling like there was no definite end in sight. You obviously also need money to fly back and forth. We did it every 2-3 months and stayed for as long as possible, sometimes 2 weeks, if possible one of us might come for a month, etc.

What have you got to loose in trying? Yes you need to be realistic that travel before summer is highly unlikely but if you both want to try then go for it and say to him that if he or you feel you can't do long distance any more you promise to be truthful to the other with no hard feelings.