to just step back and 'give up' in my job

32 replies

coffeelover3 · 06/01/2021 11:37

I cant take it any more - my "team leader" constantly takes work from me, or re-sends emails I've sent. Like if something comes in, I'll respond and copy her in (as she would have been copied in originally so to let her know I've responded), and nearly every single time, even if it's a fairly straightforward thing, she ALSO responds, usually wording it in a more elaborate way (unnecessary IMO), over explaining it, or expanding on what I've said. Its really undermining and I'm sick of trying to pre-empt what she might say and get my answer "right enough" that she wont feel the need to also reply. It's like a competitive 'game' or something - not one that I want to play. These are mostly colleagues I'm talking about, who just want a simple answer to usually simple questions. So I reply, and they say thanks, and then SHE replies with a long wordy elaborate answer. I think it's to show how much she knows or something, or that she is the team leader or something??? I'm so sick of it. I feel like just doing the minimum and letting her take control of my job as well as her own as I'm sick of trying to 'protect' my own tasks. I don't think she has enough to do, so she is constantly looking at what I'm doing, and re-doing it. Or often if she can, she will reply within 60 seconds before I've even had a chance to read something. I feel like just walking away and saying to myself 'fine you do it then'. Feeling so stressed. And I'm "homeschooling ds age 11 for 6 hours a day starting yesterday, so I'm distracted too trying to supervise him.

Even today I was having a conversation with a colleague, and was copying her in as she was copied on the original message, and he said could we have a meeting at 2.30 and she immediately replies and says she cant do that time as she has another (very important..) meeting and she sends him lots of documents and says she will meet him later in the week if he still wants to. Meantime, I could have met him - I'm free!!!!!!! Don't know whether to say I can meet him, or just leave it as it looks like we're not speaking to each other....

OP posts:

TheYearOfSmallThings · 06/01/2021 14:11

I had a manager like this once. She wasn't a bully, she just wasn't a good manager in that she COULD NOT delegate, and believed (wrongly) that she was the only one up to doing any job.

I had to leave as quickly as possible, meaning a sideways move which essentially lost me a year of career progression, but I'm still glad I did it. The department slowly fell to bits, and she finally moved on to do something different.

Original poster

coffeelover3 · 06/01/2021 14:22

TheYearOfSmallThings - yes this, I think this is what it is. She moans and moans about how busy and stressed she is (she shouldn't be though cos she has a good team - we all just get on with our stuff but she interfers all the time). The boss she has now is a bit useless, he's a young guy and I think he's in awe of her. I tried going to him, but he just sang her praises - I think he's a bit relieved as it lets him off the hook quite a lot as she just 'takes' things from him and does them for him. He ends up asking her opinion about EVERYTHING. Yet he gets paid a lot more than any of us. Frustrating. The boss before him had trouble with her too but her strategy was to just cut her out of the loop - they hardly spoke towards the end. I'm looking to move, but it's difficult at the moment, not many jobs coming up, I'd say when lockdown ends for good people will start moving again maybe.

OP posts:

Meh2020 · 06/01/2021 14:30

Hi OP,

How frustrating for you! I would start to create work for her - so instead of you responding to the query respond with something like ‘[your short succinct polite answer] and then manager name, I have copied you in in case you want to add anything?’

Do this on absolutely everything.

As for meetings, say you can make them but then ‘manager, do you want us to wait until you are free?’

Sort of take a back seat, delegate upwards, her behaviour will change... as she will feel like you are telling her what to do.

Sorka · 06/01/2021 14:55

@Meh2020

Hi OP,

Do this on absolutely everything.

As for meetings, say you can make them but then ‘manager, do you want us to wait until you are free?’

Sort of take a back seat, delegate upwards, her behaviour will change... as she will feel like you are telling her what to do.

I have to disagree with this. The OP is already being undermined and if she starts inviting this lady to butt it it will make the OP look worse and invite even more intrusion.

I’ve worked with people like this OP. The only ways I’ve found to sort it out are someone more senior telling her to stop (your male boss is a wet lettuce though so that’s out), her getting something else to keep her busy (which reduces but does not eliminate the issue) or changing role.

GellerYeller · 06/01/2021 16:25

Can you have an off the record conversation with HR who may already be aware of the issues as you say others have been affected previously?
I feel for you.

bringbacksideburns · 06/01/2021 16:42

Is there anyone above the new wet lettuce boss aware of this woman who you could speak to about the time wasting duplication of work?
if she's already led to her previous colleagues resigning or going on long term sick I'd hazard a guess that she's well known.

Explain you dont feel confident the boss you should go to will deal with it correctly as he lacks confidence and lets her take over. Say you want a clear outline of your daily duties and exactly what you should cc her into and just stick to them. Leave her to it. People will see what shes doing. She doesnt sound very good at her job.

Do the minimum you can Get away with and look for a new job asap. Nothing worse than micro managing someone perfectly capable because they haven't enough work to do. Must be horrendous.

Chwaraeteg · 06/01/2021 16:48

Oh my gosh, this sounds EXACTLY like someone I had to work with recently. I ended up being off sick with stress for a week. The colleaugue who worked with her before me had left because she couldn't deal with her behaviour anymore.

My only advice is to read up on bullying in the workplace (and narcissists in the workplace) and the forms it can take. This will help you recognise her behaviour for what it is and stop you going crazy. Is her manager approachable? Could you bring this up with them?

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