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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

KW families means both parents

93 replies

Showers3 · 05/01/2021 21:24

AIBU to think if you’re going to take a KW place at a school, either you should be a KW who is a single parent or both parents should be KWs?

OP posts:
rolliy · 05/01/2021 22:10

@sassbott yep!

It's like those who scream for full lockdown (whatever that is) & are happy to stay in their homes for months. Except that privilege is only afforded by others going out to work in order to provide you with food, water, heating, internet etc.

Roseypink · 05/01/2021 22:10

It’s the rule in my area, 2 keyworker per family to get a place. Which should be the same everywhere

Roseypink · 05/01/2021 22:13

you are obviously not a critical keyworker and haven't a clue about different circumstances!
Nurses often earn less than their partners. The partner may not be a keyworker but may be working flat out in a high powered job and unable to care for the children. Guess which wage pays the mortgage!
So does the nurse risk her children being neglected and not getting a education whilst she risks her life working face to face with patients, she can't really concentrate on her work and still her children suffer for her efforts or does she quit work and be a good mother then the NHS looses out or perhaps she takes the school place and can concentrate on her job and actually do something that helps society?????
Not all jobs can conviently be done early morning or late at night!
If you do not work on a front line job do not comment on this subject.

Can’t the other partner that is the high earner take unpaid leave? I thought that was what parental leave is for? Single parents that aren’t keyworkers have to take unpaid leave?

Comtesse · 05/01/2021 22:14

No need to be a martyr OP. If the place is a available, then taking it up is just fine. I don’t think they will give you a medal for keeping your kids at home...

Original poster
Showers3 · 05/01/2021 22:15

Maybe you should go back and read the whole thread RoseyPink

OP posts:
safariboot · 05/01/2021 22:19

YABU.

I agree with the viewpoint, if parent 1 is the "key worker" earning £30,000 and parent 2 is not a key worker but is earning £90,000, your plan will mean parent 1 will simply stop doing their key work!

Original poster
Showers3 · 05/01/2021 22:20

Apologies RoseyPink - I can see now that you were replying to a post up thread

OP posts:
Thurlow · 05/01/2021 22:20

It's not always that simple. What if the KW is doing shift work? How do you let them get the sleep they need during the daytime trying to juggle your own work and small children? Or even just keeping small children amused and quiet at home all day?

Sitt · 05/01/2021 22:20

“ Can’t the other partner that is the high earner take unpaid leave? I thought that was what parental leave is for? Single parents that aren’t keyworkers have to take unpaid leave?”

And if they can’t afford not to be paid?

catgirl1976 · 05/01/2021 22:21

The thing is though everyone’s a bloody key worker in that expanded list. Well - not everyone but too many.

I’m a key worker. I work in HR in a College but I count as a key worker. So does everyone who works there including the social media officer, the sustainability manager and so on. We are not front line, we can work from home, we are not vital to the Covid response and yet we are key workers under the definition and yet are entitled to a place.

I certainly won’t be taking one but I think the key worker list should be front line health, education and social care along with people essential to keeping the country running like food distribution and so and those in critical industries who cannot work from home. Not everyone who happens to work in a college no matter how in-critical their roles are and who can work just as well from home. The list is far too broad.

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2021 22:22

@Showers3

Actually, I am a KW. My partner isn’t. I earn more than my partner. We thought it would be against the spirit of the offer to take the places (despite how bloody hard it is to juggle our childcare and homeschooling with both of us trying to also work). I also thought it would be a kick in the teeth to all the other parents out there is the same position as us but don’t have a KW parent. Had we both been KWs then yes, we would have considered it.
Martyr on then and let others do what they want as long as it's within the rules and the best interests of their kids 🤷‍♀️
Roseypink · 05/01/2021 22:22

Today 22:20 Showers3

Apologies RoseyPink - I can see now that you were replying to a post up thread
OP’s posts: See all
Sorry my Copy and paste isn’t too good lol

AndcalloffChristmas · 05/01/2021 22:23

No I don’t think that. As others said, it might well be the key worker who gives up their job if the family have to choose.

I think if the other partner is a SAHP (unless that person is unwell etc) it’s probably not fair in most instances to take up a place, but I can’t imagine wanting to send my kids in in that scenario.

Original poster
Showers3 · 05/01/2021 22:26

Safari boot and Thurlow - I take your points on board. I really don’t think everyone I’ve seen use the provision in this way has the same circumstances (many more akin to what catgirl1976 alludes to), but in those circumstances, I concede there is justification.

Those of who have commented about crowns and martyrdom for those of us who are KWs turning down places, despite struggling - if we were to get a medal, it shouldn’t be for not taking a school place per se, but for trying to limit to spread of a deadly virus and not putting other KWs lives at risk where we don’t need to.

OP posts:
Roseypink · 05/01/2021 22:26

Today 22:20 Sitt

“ Can’t the other partner that is the high earner take unpaid leave? I thought that was what parental leave is for? Single parents that aren’t keyworkers have to take unpaid leave?”

And if they can’t afford not to be paid?
Bookmark

There is another wage coming in isnt there? Single parents are on their own, they have no one else. I’m not a single parent but i know of a few who are worried sick

sassbott · 05/01/2021 22:30

and those in critical industries who cannot work from home

@catgirl1976 there are people who work in critical industries who can work from home. But they need to focus 100% on doing their jobs from home, otherwise everyone else who is wfh won’t have the tools they need!

Do people really not give any thought to what is running your network security? Infrastructures?

It’s not as binary as if you can work from home you are not a critical worker

Sitt · 05/01/2021 22:31

@Roseypink

Today 22:20 Sitt

“ Can’t the other partner that is the high earner take unpaid leave? I thought that was what parental leave is for? Single parents that aren’t keyworkers have to take unpaid leave?”

And if they can’t afford not to be paid?
Bookmark

There is another wage coming in isnt there? Single parents are on their own, they have no one else. I’m not a single parent but i know of a few who are worried sick

Your comment appeared to be suggesting that single parents should take unpaid leave, and I certainly don’t think that’s acceptable. But nor is any sensible family going to go for the higher wage earner taking unpaid leave if their outgoings wouldn’t be covered. It’s just nonsensical and immoral of a government to put people in a position where they have to make that sort of decision. People can say it’s selfish, but it isn’t - why would you choose certain impoverishment when there is another option?
Fatladyslim · 05/01/2021 22:32

So you were offered a place / can have a place within the guidelines, but ave decided to instead struggle a long and martyr yourself.

What is the point of the thread OP? Were you hoping everyone would agree about your wonderfulness?

Original poster
Showers3 · 05/01/2021 22:41

No. The point of my thread is exactly what I asked in my opening paragraph.

OP posts:
rolliy · 05/01/2021 22:42

I think she wanted people to feel bad...

Fivefatsausages · 05/01/2021 22:46

Please don’t judge other parents. It’s just not necessary and you never know what situation the key worker is facing.

Not all key worker jobs can be based from home.
Those that can, it is not safe for safety decisions to made with children around them
They may work odd hours not conducive to children being in the house.
The other working parent can not effectively work and undertake childcare. And let’s be clear the key worker will always be expected to take priority of the partner, even if lower paid. So if that’s an 80 hour week that’s 80 hours.
Judging gets you nowhere just be grateful that you have the ability to spend time with your child and not have to put your child in a high risk environment (which many parents I know are worried about).
Finally, school secretaries do not have the authority to determine who they can / will not allow.
It’s a Government decision and if facing difficulties should speak to your relevant HR team who should be able to provide you with the paperwork.

Cheesyblasters · 05/01/2021 22:48

One other point to make about KWs working from home is that working from home in and of itself is often compromising the job. WFH isn't necessarily because the job is suitable to be done at home, in the public sector it's often because we've no office space. We're not allowed to go into our offices because they were already hotdesking offices due to budget cuts after buildings were sold off, and now with covid distancing requirements they can only provide spaces for people who have to be there (eg those on duty who need to be physically close to the patch they're working in) as there are so few people allowed.
Technically I'm WFH but that's with going to vist people in their homes (with additional driving time as I don't have a local base) and I have to be available in set hours - we can't pause and work flexibly due to a childcare issue.
The workload is higher than ever and the hours are longer than ever. We're working on goodwill and we can't do the job justice and care for children at the same time. And that's before considering that it is grossly insensitive to have your own children around you (even if OH is trying to keep them away but they're knocking on the door to ask for something) when you might be talking to a parent on a zoom call who has had their own children removed.

Despite all that there are plenty of people I know who have opted to keep their kids off school for various reasons and those with childcare bubble options are often doing so. But that doesn't mean we should attack the people who are using the spaces. Everyone has to make their own decisions based on what they can do, but I genuinely don't know anyone who is getting a cushy deal from all of this.

Youseethethingis · 05/01/2021 22:53

I’m not sure why anyone’s surprised if many people won’t choose perceived moral rectitude over potentially ruining themselves financially and risking their children’s home and security.

Hilly17 · 05/01/2021 22:55

You’ve obviously come on here because a martyr always needs an audience.

NothingIsWrong · 05/01/2021 22:56

I'm a KW, husband isn't. He outearns me by a good amount so if my kids weren't in school I would be not available for work. I can do some from home, but not all.