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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I doing the right thing? Sending my children to school.

25 replies

Meh21 · 05/01/2021 17:54

I respect that everyone has a different view on this.

Both my children have sen an ehcps. They didn’t go school March - May last year but went when the schools opened up more.

This time around I’m in 2 minds. Wanting to keep them safe but knowing how lockdown affects them - more so DS. They have been given a space 2 days a week for now. Am I doing the right thing?

It took me a long time to settle my oldest in September. I don’t want to go through that again
So thinking it’s best to keep sending him.

Both have learning difficulties and behind academically. Home learning doesn’t always happen. For DS school is school and home is home.

Partner will be working throughout like last time but not a keyworker but I’m not working so I don’t really need them to go for childcare reasons. But having two with sen at home is hard. Especially as I’ll be home on my own with them a lot of the time.

Aibu to think that I’m doing the right thing? DS will still be with his usual teacher but not his usual ta.

Dd will have a slight change in classroom but she’ll cope with that.

Just so they can get some form of education as we struggle at home.

To add, it’s a fairly small mainstream school that’s had no cases so far and the area we live hasn’t got many cases.

Please help me feel better. Feel at a loss either way!

OP posts:

nomorespaghetti · 05/01/2021 17:58

My DD (reception) has an EHCP and was offered a place. She didn’t go in in lockdown 1, but we’ve decided to take the place this time. She’s in a mainstream, and will be with her usual teacher (but not her TA) in a small group of classmates. Made the decision mainly for her mental health, I can’t in good conscience put her through the isolation again, it completely changed her. It’s a tricky one, as I’m a SAHP, and I can have a good go at homeschooling her (when her little brother shuts up for 5 seconds), but I know in my gut it’s the right thing for her, and as her parent I have to put her first.

Original poster

Meh21 · 05/01/2021 18:00

@nomorespaghetti thank you. I totally get it. Home schooling wasn’t great here. Dd coped okay with
Lockdown but DS did not. He became a shell is his usual self. He changed a lot too and noticed a huge increase in anxiety issues etc. It took a long
time to settle him back into school!

OP posts:

Didiusfalco · 05/01/2021 18:05

I’m really not sure. I’m a key worker and so is dh, but I’m wondering if I should find a way to keep them at home. It’s almost certainly a worse situation than March. Also, I work in a school and feel like if I possibly can I should try and limit the number of contacts other teachers have.

greenlynx · 05/01/2021 18:08

I have DD with EHCP, she didn’t attended school in spring and I’m keeping her at home now but it’s very different circumstances: she’s at higher risk group for health, it’s a big school and the cases in our area are very high (like in London). Also she’s the only child and she’s absolutely fine to work at home. I know she won’t be in a small bubble and there is no guarantee of the same TA so I’ve made my decision.
Many of my friends were sending their DC ( if without health issues) to school throughout the first lockdown and none of them got Covid. You need to look only at your situation and what’s better for your family.

lewes2 · 05/01/2021 18:12

Teacher here (at a special school). I definitely think you're doing the right thing, especially if they have learning difficulties. Their routine, friendships, structure of a school day is all so important for children, as well as the learning. I've spent some of today persuading my class to come into school!

Firstworddinosaur · 05/01/2021 18:17

Send them. Your circumstances absolutely call for it.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 05/01/2021 18:23

My youngest is 5 with ASD and an EHCP at a mainstream primary school. I’m in the same position aside from the fact he has two older brothers (11 at secondary and 8 at the same primary) and I’m also a SAHP, but their dad works out of the home.

Both of them are online learning so I couldn’t concentrate and help them and try and educate him too (we suspect ADHD with our middle child).

He really needs to get the routine back and not miss out on learning like he did with the pre-school learning last year. We’re going to just keep an eye on how he reacts to the change in school and the numbers and make a judgement from there if we decide to keep him home at any point.

Cherrysoup · 05/01/2021 18:26

What is it with people wringing their hands over sending their eligible children in? You do what is best for you and demand 5 bloody days a week, they’re entitled! I say this as a teacher.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 05/01/2021 18:27

I'm a keyworker and I'm keeping my SEN son at home but its probably easier for me as he's older and I don't want the teachers to think I'm taking the piss even though he's home alone everyday (He does crack on with the work at home). Do what's best for you OP.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 05/01/2021 18:31

I would send them in.

Original poster

Meh21 · 05/01/2021 18:36

Thanks all. Although it’s a small school there’s quite a few keyworker children needing provision after that they prioritised children who are vulnerable with or without an EHCP and then those with an EHCP.

It’s a small school in the middle of nowhere. I am
Concerned over the increase of cases everywhere but I hope that with less children in, extra measures and lockdown things can get better and safer right?

I just feel they need some kind of normality. I constantly beat myself up inside last time feeling like I was failing them for being crap with home learning!

OP posts:

Covidiotmil · 05/01/2021 18:44

Sending them in sounds completely justified. Particularly if you live in in a quieter area. Do you see elderly relatives? not like me in a hotspot with idiot mil bubbling and gallivanting

Original poster

Meh21 · 05/01/2021 18:46

@Covidiotmil no my grandma lives about 30 minutes away. We seen her Christmas but will be just ringing her for a while. She has family closer. She has a support bubble with her son who is disabled and doesn’t go out much so very little risk 🌸

OP posts:

Thislittlefinger123 · 05/01/2021 18:51

I'd send them in if I was in your circumstances without question. It's difficult to judge clearly at the moment. But with their needs it does sound like school benefits them and is for the best x

Lemonpiano · 05/01/2021 18:53

Schools aren't closed because they are dangerous, just because we need to drastically reduce transmission.

You're doing the right thing.

ThinkWittyThoughts · 05/01/2021 19:18

You are doing the right thing.
You ARE doing the right thing.
You ARE doing the RIGHT thing.

For your kids.
For you.
For your family.

You are doing the right thing.

Useruseruserusee · 05/01/2021 19:21

Yes, you are doing the right thing. As a teacher I’m really happy that children with EHCPs are offered places as a high priority. It’s something the government have got right.

Fr0thandBubble · 05/01/2021 19:54

100% the right thing.

HelplessProcrastinator · 05/01/2021 19:59

You are doing the right thing. I may be biased as my 13 year old with EHCP is going in 5 days a week and we didn’t hesitate for 1 second. Schools are closing to slow down transmission of COVID, not because they are dangerous places for (most) children.

KatherineOfGaunt · 05/01/2021 20:08

SEN teacher here. Definitely send them in. The school will do all they can to keep your children safe. It sounds like you will need the time with them out at school, so take it.

unmarkedbythat · 05/01/2021 20:12

My eldest son is in alternative provision. If they open at all and have a place for him I will send him without thinking twice. I work in inpatient mental health, we have not stopped caring for children and adults who need it during this pandemic and I would not find any virtue in refusing to allow my child to engage with the services he needs.

Spied · 05/01/2021 20:15

It really sounds like you all will benefit.
Do what is right for your family.

MonaChopsis · 05/01/2021 20:15

I've just decided to send DD in after being surprised by a phone call from the school offering her a place as a vulnerable child. She doesn't have SEN or an EHCP but was badly affected by anxiety during the previous lockdown. Like you, we are in a low-Covid area and I think the benefits for her learning and her mental health outweigh the risks.

SummerHouse · 05/01/2021 20:18

@ThinkWittyThoughts

You are doing the right thing. You ARE doing the right thing. You ARE doing the RIGHT thing.

For your kids.
For you.
For your family.

You are doing the right thing.

Just to add one point to this excellent post... YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!

cariadlet · 05/01/2021 20:19

I'm a primary school teacher and think that you should send your dc in to school. They are just the kind of children that we are staying open for.

I feel that children with EHCPs should be in school if their parents feel that they would benefit (which I should imagine would be most of them although there are a minority who would do as well or better at home eg if they are motivated and able to focus at home and they have engaged parents who are able to work with them and aren't also trying to wfh themselves or to care for babies or toddlers).

Primary schools aren't closing because they are unsafe for children; they are closing because they are vectors for transmission. We all need to reduce the number of our contacts and the length of time for which we are in contact with others. If we ask most children to stay at home, then schools can safely stay open for those that really need us.

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