To Eff Off On Holiday Without My Kids?

[JumanjiExplorer]

NC... Tongue in cheek thread, because I already know I'm being unreasonable 😂

I used to travel a lot before I had kids and was used to going 3/4 holidays a year when I was a free agent. I've not got 2 kids who are 5 and 3, and they got their holiday each year before the whole Covid thing kicked off (although we still managed to get a couple at home trips in)

My partner (their dad) and I are currently breaking up. We've tried to keep it together but just isn't working and being stuck together right now isn't great. I've been a stay at home mum since the youngest was born so been with the two kids non-stop for 3 years - they get enough quality time with me (and we have a great time!)

I recently seen a 12 day multi centre advertised to a couple of places I want to go to, and I REEEEEALLY want to go! It's not til December this year...and its not somewhere you'd take kids, and I really just want to go with my friend I used to travel with a lot (who doesn't have kids)

What I'm thinking is, we'll be living apart by then (I assume) and would it REALLY be so bad for me to let them spend a couple weeks with their dad so I can go? Our summer holiday has already been cancelled, but I'd make sure they got a couple trips again - so not like I'm taking myself away instead of taking them, they would still get what they would anyway whether I go or not...

YABU - Of course you shouldn't go, your darlings would resent you forever, social services would get involved and they'll grow up needing therapy for life.

YANBU - Book it, pack it, eff off!

Yanbu! It would be nice for you to get away and have some time to yourself. Im jealous!

Go for it, no question

Go for it.

Not the response I was expecting to be honest, and I feel like crying that I'm not a selfish bastard for feeling like it's an option...

Sounds wonderful.

My favourite fantasy is sending Dh and the children off on a nice 1 week holiday and not having to go. Children on holidays are hard work, it’s never a holiday for the parents. Don’t get me wrong it’s still fun but not relaxing and care free.

Do it! I go away with my DP at least once a year most years (actually managed twice this year ). The DC go with us other times and visit their dad abroad or he comes and stays with them, so they get something nice out of it too. When you’re the main carer for them day in and day out, sometimes you do need to be a bit “selfish” - but it isn’t selfish as such, you can’t pour from an empty cup as they say. It will do you the world of good and that in turn will make you a happier mum.

Don’t get too excited though - someone will be along at some point to say “why did you even have children if you don’t want to spend time with them” or some shit. Ignore them

Do it OP!!

I suppose it depends on your partner and how reliable/good he is at looking after the children. If he is good with them, and will commit to looking after them, it's doable, but it's possible that after the split he might change his mind, especially if he gets used to undisturbed sleep and doing as he pleases 24/7.

Also, it might be better to wait a couple of years until they are both attending school and the childcare is less of an issue, if you go during term time.

Can I point out that this would be great timing for establishing time that you get away with your ex partner to be taking the kids? In other words, set the expectations now for how you want to go forward!

YABU - Of course you shouldn't go, your darlings would resent you forever, social services would get involved and they'll grow up needing therapy for life.

I wouldn't say any of this at all! Only that I have actually been away from my two for long weekends (been a single parent for years) and by the Monday I've always been desperate to get home and see them.

To me, 12 days kinda sounds like a lot. Especially for a first holiday without them. They're so young and I'd just be thinking of all the places I could take them for a week if I switched the 12 holiday for a long adult weekend somewhere. I also found stuff that I would have previously enjoyed (sitting by a pool with a book or having coffee in a city centre street or visiting a museum etc) just all seemed boring without them. It's a typical case of never missing water until it's gone since I do nothing but complain of exhaustion on holidays WITH them

But if money is no issue and you can still do both then I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Actually don't think YABU at all... it's just not something I could / would want to do.

Go for it.
I am childless so no authority at all
But I think it's very positive that you are thinking of how to have a good time when your DC are with their Dad when you split.
I know most of the contact time will probably be housework and sleep.
But it's good to have goals.

Do it. They'll be with their Dad, someone that loves them and presumably is more that capable of looking after them.
I was in a similar predicament when DD2 was a baby, except her Dad and I were still together. A friend won a holiday for 2 and asked me to go. I was a SAHM and DD2 was only 8 months old. I guilted and agonised (and asked MN!) and finally went. Had an amazing time and DC don't appear to be scarred by their bonding experience with their Dad.

They'll still be there when you get back!