Ex partners support bubble and seeing our daughter

[LHM1983]

Hi all,
Looking for some opinions/advice on issues around my Daughter seeing her Father during lockdown.
My Daughters father is in a new relationship (4 months) and has formed a ‘support bubble’ with the woman and her 3 children and regularly has overnight stays. The woman lives in a different town and in fact a different county to where my ex and my Daughter and I live. My ex has made me aware that one of the 3 children living with his girlfriend still has contact with her father who lives in London. I have suggested that while we are in a national lockdown, my ex should temporarily refrain from seeing his girlfriend in order to maintain safe contact with our daughter. I am concerned that him visiting another household, out of our local area, will add an unnecessary layer of risk to our 7 year old. Thoughts please?

I wouldn't do this. He is her father, they have a legal and moral right to see each other. I do understand your concerns - you want to keep her cocooned and safe with just you; I would probably want to do that do, but it's not right.

I'm guessing his reaction wasn't favourable?!

I can understand why you're worried, but unless you or your DD are ECV you probably are being a bit u, as he's not actually breaking any rules. Sorry, it's all so stressful though, I can see why these sort of situations are so tough.

Is she vulnerable? If not YABVU.

Sorry but you are being ridiculous!

You can suggest it but unless he's willing you can't enforce it, he's her dad and presumably has equal parental rights and responsibility as you.

This is not something I'd be pushing, and can imagine the push back has/will be pretty fierce. I understand your issue, but her is entitles to stay with and see his partner, even if it is a new relationship. Your daughter has no reason not to see her dad, except for your own anxiety. I would leave it, and get on

Thanks all. I really appreciate your perspective on this. My other issue is that I’m bubbled with my parents who are both CEV having both undergone surgery for cancer in the last 6 months (it’s been one hell of a year!) and I don’t want to increase the risk to them either. But I know that is almost not relevant to my ex or my daughter in this situation and is a complexity for me to manage.

A conversation about your DDs moving from household to household is fine, probably an essential conversation to have. But I think demanding he stops any relarionship he has in order to be able to see his child is a bit, sorry, very overbearing of you!

You really can't complain if he pushes back as hard as you pushed forward. Is it too late to apologise and explain you were scared by last night's anouncement and not thinking clearly and ask him for a proper discusssion to help alleviate your fears?

Does you ex know all of that?

Could you discuss it with him properly so you both undertsand where the emotional stress points are?

My grandchildren are seeing their father and their father has a girlfriend with children. There is a chance that the gf's children aren't seeing their father as apparently he is abusive. However we have no way of knowing and certainly no way of controlling what they do as my grandchildren's father is also abusive and wouldn't be reasonable. We have to facilitate contact and hope that things will be ok.

he government have said that parental contact continues during cv, so I think you will just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. You can't control all virus spread over degrees of separation.

Perhaps you should stop being in a bubble with your parents, if you're concerned about the risk?

No, that's not a serious suggestion, more pointing out that you can only control your own actions, not those of others.