Overseas wedding may 2022

[Thebiggerthecoffeethebetter]

A close friend has postponed their destination wedding (Europe) from August 2020 to May 2022. I’m a bridesmaid.

They have not confirmed numbers with the organiser yet or paid anything based on the number of guests. I got a useless airline voucher back (£400) that expires before the new date. Lost a couple of hundred on the accommodation.

Even if Covid does a disappearing act, I no longer want to go for two reasons:

1. My financial gears have shifted and I have recently got serious about some new short and long term goals. I am really trying; every bit helps. You do have to live though, and I have been strict but realistic. I have allowed wriggle room to do some nice things but cannot do them all.

2. I utterly utterly hate holidays abroad and for various reasons never go on them. I realise this is an un-popular opinion. She’s a close friend and knows this about me (she’s the opposite!)

She will be angry. She will think that I should adjust finances to just be there, especially as it is not until 2022 and back in 2019 I (begrudgingly) said yes.

In two years I will still also really really hate travelling.

Ugh. She’ll be mad and I want to test the water with others’ views as my other close non-mutual friends are probably biased in my favour.

Thoughts? To reiterate they don’t pay until six months prior.... tell her now or end of the year? Will Covid still be ‘around’ then....?!

You should've said no in the first place, especially as you've been asked to be bridesmaid. You'll just have to say your finances have changed you lost money on the cancelled wedding which you know wasn't her fault, but you won't be able to attend

Tell her now so she can give someone else plenty of notice

It's not 2 years away, it is a year and a bit.
Tell her now you aren't sure your finances will be up to travelling abroad then, especially as you are already effectively £600 down on her wedding so far. You are really really sorry but you can't commit and you need to withdraw as bridesmaid if it is going ahead abroad.

Nobody should need to 'adjust their finances' in order to attend a friends wedding!
You have already lost money on this. You are unwilling to spend more. Fair enough.
They chose a destination wedding. Wish them well.

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

You should've said no in the first place, especially as you've been asked to be bridesmaid. You'll just have to say your finances have changed you lost money on the cancelled wedding which you know wasn't her fault, but you won't be able to attend

Yes, you are right there....! Her reaction back then would have been angry too, so (wrongly) I just sort of...agreed...to keep the peace in our friendship! You’re right though, I should never have agreed in the first place.