A family problem

[thegreylady]

Dh and I have 5 adult dc. 3 are his and two are mine. All have their own dc now. The problem relates to Christmas..
Two of them are out of the picture. One has fallen out with us and with my dc. The other lives abroad, brings gifts if he visits but doesn’t bother with Christmas unless he is here.
Up to now the other three have always exchanged gifts at Christmas. This year one (dh’s son) has only bought for us and their blood siblings. They have ignored my dd and her two dc who are the youngest in the family. She sent gifts for all of them. Dh’s other son exchanged gifts for all as usual.
We have been married for 32 years since all the kids were teenagers and have always tried to foster the idea of one blended family. I feel very hurt. Should I say anything to dss and his wife?

This year one (dh’s son) has only bought for us and their blood siblings. They have ignored my dd and her two dc who are the youngest in the family.

I was brought up with the idea that Christmas was about giving, not receiving. Maybe your family is more about the receiving?

It is very sad for you and DH that after 32+ years together his child doesn't feel you're one family. I feel for you greylady

I think it would cause more problems to discuss with him though. It sounds as though he is upset about something perhaps?

I second what Apollo says. My dad's wife aema to want to foster the idea that her kids and me and my sister are one blended family but I hardly k ow her kids and honestly find it a bit boring to get the lengthy updates about effective strangers. You don't say what the DC think. Do they actually feel like one big family? Have they maybe been giving presents to step siblings just for your benefit and have decided to be more true to themselves?

I certainly wouldn't get involved.
Next Autumn perhaps ask what they all think about present exchanging going forward.

Not everyone likes it. Lots find it a chore so perhaps checking what they think is a good idea.

Try not to take it personally.

For me it was all about giving. I obviously didn’t express myself very well. I was just sad that the two youngest family members were left out by a relative of whom they are very fond. The boys don’t even know they were left out! The only person upset is me. I suppose this isn’t the best place to discuss this.