Private school plan

[Throughtheforest2]

We’re being given a lump sum of money that would cover primary private education (or secondary but not both). We weren’t expecting it so doesn’t make a difference to our financial plans if we spend on DC’s education.

I only went to state school so private schools are a bit of a mystery to me. Academically I couldn’t have done any better but feel I lost out on a wider education / that confidence that those from private backgrounds seem to have!

We live in a grammar school area.

It’s been suggested that there’s not much to gain from a private infants school versus the local state infants (rated good and hear good reviews).

Is the following plan reasonable?

Send 2 DC to state infants and try to get them in private at junior level (seems to be more selective at this level so appreciate not a given). They then either go to grammar if they get in and, if not, we still have money left for tutors / sports coaching etc

AIBU to not consider secondary private instead or for dismissing private infants?

I’d do state primary school and tutor hard for 11+ and a grammar school, and have private school as a back up if they aren’t bright enough for a grammar. If they get into the grammar then use the money for their future housing/pensions.

It doesn’t sound a good plan if they don’t get into grammar school and you don’t have enough money left to pay for private secondary.

It really depends on your area and child. Here most children won't get into private secondary without having been to a private primary. Of you go private primary will they definitely get a hard place?

Also, what do you want to get out of the school?

Without knowing specifically the options I'd consider using the money for tutoring and then to help at university?

There are so many variables here. What are the alternatives like if they didn't get into grammar at 11?

FWIW I went to state primary with intention of parents tutoring hard as above pp has mentioned for grammar or private secondary (although only applied me for top schools in country for private). Low level bullying at primary, low confidence and not really liking my private tutor meant I did not get into any of the schools they applied. I started in local comp while they applied me to other privates (not so high achieving) and I got places.

We have opted to put our DC in prep schools from 4 and currently intend to send to local comp or grammar secondary (may change our minds depending on their personality). Our local comp is good and I believe the self-worth, love for education and learning are worth paying for in prep. Recent comparisons between state and private education at primary level in the pandemic together when teacher morale in state sector due to poor government guidance solidified our decision.

My eldest with start reception in Sept and has been offered a place at a brilliant local prep - lots of emphasis on outdoor teaching, mental health and self awareness which is exactly what I want.

I would base your decision on your local provisions and personality of the child

My DS went to primary state school and now is in private for secondary.
Worked well for us.

I think the most gain from private education is in the secondary stage. At primary you just need an engaged parent who will offer kids a wide range of activities and encourage school work etc

If you’re in a grammar school area the local private secondary schools are probably more geared to those who failed to get into the grammar schools. I agree that your plan to use private junior schools is probably best.

As others have said, there is more to gain from private secondary than primary. That being said, private school gets a lot more expensive as they get older. Have you actually looked at fees yet?
If there are decent secondary grammar schools then they might be a better option and put the money aside for house deposits?

I completely agree with @riddles26

We decided to go from prep as I wanted DS to feel comfortable and confident and to be able to speak to the teachers whenever I wanted. Definitely look at fees, they can vary hugely.

I am in London and it’s not common to go to private primary (prep) and then state secondary, unless it’s for financial reasons. But there are lots of children who go to state primary and then private secondary. The only thing I would say is that you really need to start doing extra work at home, ideally from year 4, and maybe some tutoring in year 5, to get them ready for the private school entrance exams.

Mine went to state primary then private secondary (she just started Y7)

You can do school fees plan by the way so it's debited monthly rather than a big term based fee.

She did an entrance exam but it wasn't really hard, mainly to see what level she was at.

I wanted a single sex school and a small personal school for my daughter and it's working out really well

Thanks so much everyone!
There are definitely good grammars, we’re near Aylesbury.
We’re looking at Chesham and Gateway and can already see a big difference in fees.
I think with my eldest in particular, youngest to young to tell, they’re really sociable / physically able (from my partner - not me!) and just full of curiosity and questions.
I don’t want that dampened out of them. I already saw this happen with a nursery - whereas they’re doing so well at a new preschool.
I thought the early years might be important for instilling a love of learning / being confident to ask questions etc
So identify with some of the comments above.
Any thoughts on these preps in particular?

I have friends with kids who used to go to gateway, they say it's good.

I didn't need to do prep as the local primary is really good (bucks/oxs border)

Secondary school not so much, not right for my daughter and didn't want to put her through the exams for Aylesbury high.

Found a great private school for secondary though in Oxford

Wouldn’t it be a big culture shock going from one of these preps to a state secondary school if they don’t get into a grammar school?

I would do prep school for Year 3-6, grammar from Year7.

State Primary, see how it goes and aim for Grammar. Keep an eye on personality/progress to see when/if you could use money to solve a problem.

I went to a private secondary and wouldn't say that it gave me any advantage over a grammar school. Any real private school advantage would be at the super expensive/super high achieving schools (St Paul's, Westminster, Winchester, Shrewsbury).

Negative might be that Bucks used to do 12+ rather than 11+ which is an unusual transition point although I think that the Bedford (Harpur Trust) and Northampton private schools catered for this so I'd assume the more local ones would as well.

If you're near Aylesbury, I would go state primary, tutor for 11+ (and targeted maths / english if you need it) from y4, and then if that doesn't work out, you can go private secondary, which is where it will really make a difference. I am also Bucks, and quite a few who don't get into the grammars do this. For primary, you just really need to have engaged parents who will do homework and support with interaction at home, I don't think that the extra curriculars really mean much until secondary.

Plus, it is really hard to go from private primary to state secondary, if the child is used to smaller class sizes and much more interaction from the teacher.

You are in Bucks, and most of the bright kids get creamed off by the 11+ (this is a factual statement, no comment on whether the 11+ is a good or a bad thing!). State secondaries will be by definition at a lower level, and if your child is 'averagely bright but well behaved with supportive parents', then a private option may well be the best learning environment for them, as the state options will be of a lower standard. Look carefully at the OFSTEDs for each state secondary you are considering, some are definitely better than others.

It is a minefield though, we had the same decision to make, child 1 is now y7 at grammar and we have a y4 who has just started the same journey.

I don’t know the schools in question, but if I only had money for primary or secondary I’d do state infant school and then move to a good prep school at Y3 or Y4. I believe that a child who has the best education in Y4-6 will be well set up for life long learning.
I can only speak of personal experience, but there were three girls at my private primary who ended up leaving at 11 and going to the local state secondary. We met up again when we all went to the state 6th form and I don’t think any would say they particularly missed out on anything.
Incidentally, the state 6th form was probably the best school any of us went to. Loads of private school pupils ended up there and the 6th form had a huge success rate, both academically and in sports/creative pursuits.

I would have said secondary but it depends on easy your dc finds learning the building blocks - I can see now with dd 2 how utterly essential they are to learn so I would throw everything at those...

As you can tell from replies, it depends so much on the child and your circumstances. I was just thinking about it and if you were to ask my sibling (who had same education as me - coed state until 11, single sex private until a-levels), they would say they did not need to go private and would have achieved same in state sector. They did not experience the bullying and confidence issues I did and probably would have thrived anywhere but I can say with certainty the private education was my making and I wouldn't have been able to become a medic without it as I just didnt have the confidence.

Personally, the current low morale and government disdain for teaching staff really worries me. I worry my children will not have stability in their education and this will impact on their confidence and love for learning. For those saying yrs 3-6 in prep, those in my area all take from 4 yrs old and don't have additional classes at 7+ - the through 18s have 7+ intakes but we are not interested in that as aiming for grammar at 11 if they are academically able. We are not in a 11+ county, just a couple of grammars that are extremely competitive but fortunately there is a good local comp too with fantastic facilities which we are happy to send to

@Tier10 I’m not sure about the culture shock. In what way are you thinking?
Moving to grammar or non-grammar secondary is going to be a big change either way I would have thought.
It’s a really friendly community where we live and I’m sure they’d have friends from here alone, outside of school, that would go to the local state secondary.
They’re both pretty sociable and one of many cousins / friends with neighbourhood kids and so like to think they could adapt to most places.
And that prep school should make them more confident if anything?

Thanks for all the replies!
I think I’m leaning towards finding out more about gateway, perhaps for infants too. I think we’re def more the grammar school aiming crowd and I like what I’m hearing about it being a more informal vibe.
Not saying it’s the end of the world if they don’t get in the grammars, our local state is John Colet and I hear it’s not a bad option.
I can’t see them going to private secondary unless our circumstances change dramatically!
I like the idea of having more attention at an early age and having those building blocks put in place. Then if they show interest in music / drama / sport etc, we can encourage that in other ways.
I think seeing the support that friends with young children at private school have had during lockdown compared to those with little ones at state primaries has definitely been an eye opener.