Think I've got the Ick

[Clickiclick]

Looking for sensible ladies to give me a shake! I was a single Mum till my daughter was 13. When I had my girl I was told after a horrific birth that I was infertile. Roll on a few relationships and dating wasters I fell pregnant to my current partner. We've been together 8 years my son is 5 I'm still in aww that he is ours. I care about my partner and my son absolutely worships him. He's an amazing Dad. But he absolutely bores me to death. I don't know if it's cause I was diagnosed with PTSD after our sons birth.
It was so bad I had an emergency section almost bleed out then was admitted with sepsis when my son was 4 weeks old.
I do care about him but he gives me the rage...
He makes absolutely everything a joke.. it's all a huge laugh..
Totally stuck to his phone. I ask a question and he always says What..
Our relationship feels like a game... I ask him to do anything and his come back is Why can't you do it.. Feels like our relationship is a competitive game.
He says I expect a fairy tale but surely a relationship should be a 2 way thing?
I feel so stuck

This doesn't feel like a LTB scenario, but he does sound really annoying! I suggest you look into assertiveness techniques to try to put your point across - at the moment he isn't willing to listen, because HE doesn't have a problem with the way things are. Do you feel he does his fair share around the house? How does your daughter get on with him?

Thanks for the reply. My daughter gets on fine with him but his family chose to ignore her. This year wasn't the first that my daughter was suddenly invisible to his family at Christmas. She accepts she's old enough not to get presents but they don't even put her name in our Christmas card

You're not stuck. If you are that unhappy, you should end the relationship, and you sound downright miserable.

@Clickiclick

Thanks for the reply. My daughter gets on fine with him but his family chose to ignore her. This year wasn't the first that my daughter was suddenly invisible to his family at Christmas. She accepts she's old enough not to get presents but they don't even put her name in our Christmas card

What he do/say about that?

I am feeling miserable I just feel like I can't walk away. My son adores him. He's such a good Dad. I don't know if it's my mental health messing it all up. He adores my daughter like she's his own. It's his family who seem to forget her

What a shitty nasty family. And he should have pulled them up on it. My ex just turned everything into a joke too and I had to leave. I don’t think people get how it can drive you to the edge of insanity if they’ve not been through it themselves. It’s having no emotional intelligence. Forge a life by breaking up with him.

Witchesbrithches he said it was out of order but really didn't do much about it. But then I made a huge arse of myself by calling them out on Facebook 😔 ended up causing a huge carry on.. Then had to apologise to his family.... Which sticks in my throat cause they were clearly wrong... but social media wasn't the right place

Summerday he makes me feel like I can't take a joke. Truth is life isn't a joke 😔

@Clickiclick

Summerday he makes me feel like I can't take a joke. Truth is life isn't a joke 😔

I completely understand.

Summerday how did you manage to walk away x

I think you need to get this idea out of your head that he’s a good dad because, from what you’ve written, he’s a bloody terrible dad! Being a good dad isn’t being stuck to his phone and expecting the mum to do everything. Good dads make sure all of the children in the family unit are treated equally, irrespective of whether they are biologically theirs or not. He’s treating you with complete disrespect and allowing your daughter to be whitewashed out of the family. And going along with you apologising to his family is fucking outrageous! What is your son learning from his behaviour? More to the point, how is your daughter being affected by this?

And stop taking the blame. It’s not your PTSD. It’s not your mental health. It’s because he’s an arsehole.

he makes me feel like I can't take a joke. Truth is life isn't a joke

What he’s doing is treating you like shit then, when you call him out on it, blaming you for having no sense of humour. It’s always your fault for taking it the wrong way and never his fault. He wasn’t in the wrong, you just misunderstood what he meant, so how can he be wrong? That’s called gaslighting. It’s abusive.

I think you need to get this idea out of your head that he’s a good dad because, from what you’ve written, he’s a bloody terrible dad

To be fair, this didn't read like the most detailed description of the guy's day to day behaviour or general qualities...

I could not be with someone whose family didn't acknowledge my child. Totally out of order. You said your daughter is old enough to not get presents but she isn't! 13 is still young enough to be hurt by those actions. Its all good and well your partner accepting her but I don't get how she isnt acknowdlged by this family. Unless you're NC with his family, this wouldn't work. I think its really unfair on your daughter.

Combined with the other things you've mentioned, him being stuck to his phone and making a joke of everything, he isnt a good dad. Also a good dad would not allow his family to ignore his stepdaughter who he claims to love as his own.

My daughter is 21 now we met when she was 13. I don't expect presents for her it's the fact they don't even write her name in a card. My OH seems to brush it off saying she's a grown woman.
She's still at home and adores her little brother and my OH. My OH has always treated her like his own. He just doesn't see why I'm hurt when she's missed out.

That's so sad they care so little about your daughter. Poor girl.