Zoom calls is this normal? Can anyone else relate?

[BananaSmoothie20]

My husband has been increasingly doing zoom calls with his friends particularly over Christmas but now he has more planned for the next few weeks.
Basically they will get together around 7pm and drink over zoom until 4/5am getting increasingly louder as the evening goes on. We have small children and I'm often up with them with the noise and then up with then the next day again. He doesn't see a problem with it just wondering if IABU?
I'm not into zoom at all will use it IF I really have to for work ect so I'm not sure if I'm been mean here.

Till 5am?!

Yeah I actually haven't got a clue how they can go on so long. If he was out on a big night out in better times I'd be oh must have gone for food but 5am on zoom I don't get

My DP has had a few poker nights via zoom, and will often stay up gaming/chatting to friends on a Friday til 1/2, which can get a little loud depending on what they’re playing and how many beers he’s had! But that’s moreso thin walls and his lack of ability to hear his own voice 🙄 than anything.

He’ll keep it down if I draw his attention to it, and certainly would if it woke our DD. I think wanting the social interaction and connection is understandable, but does he genuinely not see an issue with waking the children?

Zooming with mates isn’t unreasonable. But doing it while getting pissed, opting out of family life and disrupting you and DC until the early hours is definitely unreasonable! As a one off for a special occasion it’s forgivable ( just like going on a night out in non-covid times) but not on a regular basis. He needs to pull his weight with the kids, which includes doing his share of getting up with them early in the morning. And he needs to not disturb you and the kids after you’ve all gone to bed.

He sounds like a child. Needs to sort himself out and remember he's a dad not a teen.

If you can’t set controls on your router buy another one and set them up on that. That would solve your immediate problem but the longer term problem of being married to a twat, will remain.

Due to DD’s online learning and rubbish WiFi reception in her room, I’ve just bought a new router (TP-Link Deco M4 Mesh Wi-Fi Router). Most of the controls are disabled on the router provided by my ISP but the new one, allows me to set all kinds of controls including restricting devices at particular times eg WiFi isn’t available to DD’s devices after 10 pm. It sounds complicated but it really isn’t, the set up is easy and YouTube videos walks you through it if needed.

@AgentJohnson

If you can’t set controls on your router buy another one and set them up on that. That would solve your immediate problem but the longer term problem of being married to a twat, will remain.

Due to DD’s online learning and rubbish WiFi reception in her room, I’ve just bought a new router (TP-Link Deco M4 Mesh Wi-Fi Router). Most of the controls are disabled on the router provided by my ISP but the new one, allows me to set all kinds of controls including restricting devices at particular times eg WiFi isn’t available to DD’s devices after 10 pm. It sounds complicated but it really isn’t, the set up is easy and YouTube videos walks you through it if needed.

FFS! Are you suggesting that the OP set up parental restrictions to prevent her husband from zooming with his friends all night?
That is completely unacceptable. They should discuss the situation and come to a solution that works best for them as a family.

I think it's time for a new family rule & if he wakes a child, he gets them back to sleep. I'de he's got safe you do this alone, the two if you do it together. He'll hopefully soon get the idea

If and why isn't he taking half of the early mornings?

Well they’d all be fucking useless if there was ever a war and got called up.

God that sounds annoying. If he's not doing his share with the children and housework it needs to stop.

Hilarious to think that a PP would set up parental controls to prevent a partner from using zoom too late. Just tell him he's being disrespectful and keeping the kids awake and to stop it.

Not normal, not acceptable.

Zooming with friends okay, but not to that time in the morning. I done a few zooms with friends in the summer and by 12 my eyes were going square I needed to log off.

I’m so over zoom now for social things - I refuse to do any.

That's like a teenager! Not acceptable and really annoying

Does he work? What does he do about work if he's been up all night on Zoom?

@InTheSnow , what a odd coment , why would you say that you have absoulty no idea what the OPs DH does for a living , his age , his physical or mental statues . . . .

@BananaSmoothie20
I think you need to explain to him just how disruptive he is been , people tend to not realise how loud they are been when they have had a few drinks . I presume if he is up till 5am he then sleeps till midday ish which would impact on the family life ( in my house anyway )
fristly I would see if I could record / video him without him noticing for 5 mins or so, so you can show him just how loud he is been . And then get him to buy some good quality headphones , while this wont stop you hearing him , it will stop you hearing all his mates .

Wow, that’s 9+ hours! I usually can’t get off zoom fast enough, my limit is about an hour. My teenage son could do the 4am thing alright but me and DH are usually in bed by 11. We’ve got responsibilities so need to be up early again the next morning. Anyone with small kids can’t really afford to be up until 5am

Zoom is irrelevant. Ignoring the pandemic, would it be OK for him to have his mates over in person at 7pm and stay on drinking until 4am/5am?

I suspect the answer would be:

• not on a regular basis
• only if they kept the noise down to not wake the DC
• only if you got a lie-in on an alternative day in exchange