AIBU not to want to live in a war zone?

[Gandalf456]

Not literally. I mean the kids arguing with DH.

DH is basically always on their case about something. He tends to a bit uptight about how the house looks. I tend to let things slide but will react when I feel something really matters. I find that, this way, they are more likely to listen when I do tell them off , the house is generally calmer and we tend to all get on better.

The children are now going through a really irritating phase of deliberately winding DH up til he blows.

Tried reasoning with the children (12 and 16) but they don't listen. Try to get DH to ease up and learn to ignore, pick his battles and everything will be calmer but will he fuck. We just end up arguing, with him accusing me of blaming him, which I'm not. I just think it's an unhealthy dynamic and I end up completely pissed off with the lot of them

A) is he their dad?

B) are his expectations unreasonable?

C) why do the children think winding him up is funny? They’re quite old to deliberately bait him.

D) how do they get on with other stuff?

Your DH sounds like a bit of a prick. I'm not a big fan of authoritarian parenting. kids often when they reach the teen stage or sometimes later will rebel.

If he keeps pushing he runs the risk of alienating the kids. At 16 your oldest is nearly an adult and could be out of your house in 2 years if the dynamic doesnt change he may lose his relationship with the child but by then it's too late.

He is their Dad.

Re his expectations, sometimes they are (eg pick up your washing from the floor, bring cups downstairs), sometimes they aren't. He is really really fussy about cleanliness. Eg, if he's tidied the kitchen, he gets annoyed if they make themselves a drink and he even gets on my nerves with it, wanting my tea cup before I've finished, for example.

Yes, I do think them baiting him is odd and we are on the same page with that, although my approach is to ignore til they get bored