AIBU to feel this way?

[Candycrush426]

My husband and I have been struggling to conceive for nearly three years. His sister had announced today as a surprise infront of the family that she is expecting. I am over the moon for her and her partner. But at that moment I wanted the ground to swallow me up I felt I couldn’t breathe, felt sick and wanted to cry. I don’t know how I did it but I persevered and congratulated them both. I sat in the same room for 30 minutes. My husband made an excuse that we had to leave because he knew how overwhelming it was for me.

I’m dreading the next 9 months. I’m dreading the questions where people ask when we’re having kids.

I just wish she gave me a heads up before and I would’ve been prepared. As I’m writing this my hands are shaking.

I’m over the moon for them and they have every right to have surprised their family in the way they did. But I felt the worst way and I’ve just cried since then.

YANBU she shouldn’t have told you like that. I get she’s excited but some tact and sensitivity should have been given. l suppose those who find it super easy to have children, don’t realise what fertility issues feel like but she still shouldn’t have done that.

I’m feeling worse because she hasn’t even checked to see if I’m ok with the news.

People don't know how to act around infertility, she may be insensitive, she may think it was best not to tip toe around you, she might be completely oblivious or just wanting to give you some space.

No one here knows. You are not BU to be human, it's a completely normal reaction to be upset. The best advice is to detach yourself from them because all the pregnancy news will upset you.

What you might not realise is how stressful and scary a pregnancy can be, the worrying about a bleed, before the scans etc. So she might not be as blissfully happy as you think, and as hard as it is, it would be best for you to stay away from all that.

I don't know how many children there are already in your DH's family, but it will be a big thing and if it's the first one even more. Take care of yourself first.

@Candycrush426 maybe she realised she was a bit of a dick and doesn’t know what to do next? Plus to be honest from my experience then people don’t know what to say and then often include more thoughtless verbal diarrhoea E.g. morning sickness is a nightmare for me, we weren’t even really trying, it’s so tough being pregnant! Etc etc

So sorry you have been through this op I know from personal experience how shit infertility is.
You were incredibly brave, not sure if I would have been able to act so graciously.
Here’s hoping the next announcement is your.

So sorry you went through this but think you did incredibly well to hold it together in front of everyone

Think it was pretty insensitive of her not to warn you in advance if she knew how difficult your journey has been - awful to be blindsided like that in front of everyone. Hope 2021 is your year and you have your own happy news soon

Thank you for all the love and support.

I think I should be able to get past it with some time. I suppose not everyone thinks about other people. I’m just glad she never had to experience the struggle we have experienced and it happened quickly for her I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.