AIBU to ask you about your life change?

[Offskki]

Has anyone ever made a big change and sent their life off in a new direction? How did it go? What would you do differently?

I've made two. I went into rehab and then to AA and stopped drinking completely. I've been sober ever since. It was the best decision I ever made.

Then back in the late 90s I became obsessed with websites and how they were built. Eventually I taught myself coding and a number of other relevant skills. I had been a freelance journalist but the money was unpredictable and not great.

So I started a web design company and was able to keep my family for 16 years. DH was able to leave his dreary job and became a SAHP.

It was such a good decision. It allowed me to work round the kids and never miss a school event. Then, when DH became terminally ill, I was able to earn a good salary while caring for him and our DC.

Both of these big changes were very successful. I can't think of anything I'd have done differently.

Are you writing an article?

@PrawnofthePatriarchy
You sound very inspiring. 👌

Wow @PrawnofthePatriarchy I get a real sense of strength and determination from your post. Is that how you feel? (Or am I projecting because I'm feeling a bit wobbly at the moment ).

Yes, I am quite strong. But I'm also very privileged. I have a loving and supportive family, I had a good education and I was very happily married.

The older I get the more I appreciate how big a part my family has had in my life. For example when I stopped drinking my DH was boundlessly supportive. When I set up the web design company some men would have tried to discourage me, saying it was too risky. DH told me I was a genius and bound to succeed. So I've been lucky.

I retrained as a mental health nurse. Best thing I’ve done in terms of job security and that need I felt to “make a difference”. There’s not a win everyday but ultimately, there are good moments and throughout this pandemic I have not worried about my job.

I met DH. That night, I went home and ended things with my fiancé. Two months later I graduated uni and the day the last exam was done I drove straight to the airport and left the country to be with DH. That was 16 years ago.

Would change absolutely nothing.

Leaving my FT job because a hobby turned into a business.

My income from the hobby matched my full time job so I decided to go for it.

It was terrifying with a family and DC. I didn’t have savings behind me.

Now I run a few successful businesses with staff, offices, etc. We live comfortably and best of all I have time to spend with the DC

I think you sound like a fabulous person prawn

@chaosisaladder, yes, service and purpose is something I want more of in my new career.

@gwenneh do you mind saying a bit more? What made you take such a quick leap?

@ButtWormHole that sounds like the dream to me. If you don't mind PM-ing I'd love to know what your business is.
An acquaintance of mine started a print business (about 20 years ago) with just a printer and photocopier when it was still quite rare for Joe Public to have access to either. They operated out of a run-down shop front and piled up empty boxes to make it look as if they were busier than they were. Now they have lovely, purpose-fitted premises on a business park with lots of big machines and a couple of offices for graphic designers.

I was perviously self employment in a creative industry, where I massively played up to the ‘girl boss’ lifestyle. Reality was, I was anxious and miserable, self employment was not paying off financially and I just wasn’t that good in the industry. I couldn’t afford to move out of my parents and I was a mess.

I decided to give it up to go into a civil service admin job, which was scorned at by fellow industry creatives. I felt like it was a failure. But honestly, it was a game changer. I have bought a house - 1 year after moving jobs, and four years later I have been promoted twice. Its meant that I have my mental health, I am rested now that I only ‘hustle’ 37 hours a week and I’ve actually found I quite like my job!!

That's fab @Haggyhaggerson. I often see the civil service recommended on this kind of thread.

I think I'm really looking for something that involves much less sitting at a laptop though.

@Offskki its been brilliant for home/life balance for me, but I am sure it varies from role to role/dept!

I feel like my life change is often the opposite of the inspiring stories you see around this time of year - but in hindsight I really, really consider it the biggest thing I have ever changed for myself.

I opted not to make a big change 15 years ago and whilst im happy with my family and life, it would have been an excellent opportunity and I feel like it's a missing part of me that i want to pursue one day.

My mental health wouldn't have supported the change at the time.

But the only advice I can give from bitter experience is don't ask for advice from someone who doesn't want you to make the leap if you are wobbling.

Place marking for inspiration

I don't know if this counts, but took voluntary early retirement shortly before my 58th birthday. Don't regret it at all.

Wow, I can’t imagine retiring so early. How have you made it work financially and, slightly nicer, how do you now spend your time

I moved away from the place I was born/grew up in/lived in for 34 years. It meant leaving my family, but I found myself at a crossroads. Single, renting with no ties apart from family and desperate for a change.

It completely changed my life path! I met my now-husband, had a blast living in a beautiful part of the UK, and had a child. We've subsequently relocated twice for his career, and it took me until 2019 to fall by accident into the sector I wish I'd been working in for the past 20 years, but better late than never!

I retrained in a new career when the kids started school. So it's been pretty sweet - 20s with babies, then 30s in tech industry (programmer.)

The training was intense, and it was a big mental shift after 10 years as a stay-at-home-mum, but well worth it.

@Offskki

Wow, I can’t imagine retiring so early. How have you made it work financially and, slightly nicer, how do you now spend your time

A combination of things - no kids, no career breaks or part time working so more years paying into pension, an inheritance, good package from employer. Before Covid did some travel and joined a gym but things have been quieter recently! Don’t miss work at all though.