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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I need to give up?

5 replies

Bathsheba1 · 02/01/2021 23:06

Posting for traffic

DH been abusive verbally for years on and off. His drinking has built up to epic proportions since lockdown. He’s always had a problem with binge drinking at weekends but it’s every night now. He smokes and gets on at all of us about everything we buy even if it’s a small amount. It’s fine though for him to spend hundreds on fags. He keeps promising to stop but it just carries on. He makes a mess when he drinks, eats takeaways and I’m just at the end of my tether. I rarely drink these days and I just can’t see my future with someone who wants to dedicate the rest of his life to booze. I hate what drinking does to people. My mum has had a drink problem for years and calls me and is nasty when she’s had a drink. She’s made herself seriously unwell and so hard to cope with. Back to DH he will drink anything and has started hiding the fact he’s drinking. The other night we had a big chat and he said he was definitely giving up and I found a glass of wine behind a pile of books. Tonight was meant to be his first alcohol free day and he comes in being all nice and says “ I’m just having a couple tonight.” I just thought. Fuck this. This will never change will it. I hate the smell of booze, I hate seeing the bottles, I hate his friends for encouraging his drinking. It’s not his friends’ fault but they don’t know what a monster he is to me and the kids when he’s hung over. He’s lazy, lethargic looks like absolute shit. This isn’t going to change is it?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2021 23:18

He's not going to change unless he wants to, but you simply can't wait for that. The damage he is doing to your children is horrible, and the path of their lives will be permanently affected if you stay with your alcoholic husband. This situation can not be glossed over anymore. He needs to go, immediately.

Bathsheba1 · 02/01/2021 23:42

I know you’re right. Just keep getting reeled in by the promises. He’s a much better person when he’s alcohol free. I’ve always had hope for a life where he didn’t drink or at least not so much. He really will drink anything he can get his hands on.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2021 23:48

Just keep getting reeled in by the promises.

Stop thinking of these as promises. They are all lies. It's time to put your children first.

redastherose · 03/01/2021 00:37

The only thing you can alter about this situation is yourself. Either leave or ask him to do so. Tell him you won't have a relationship it's an alcoholic anymore and don't listen to any promises. Get out or get him out. If he's serious then he'll realise he's going ti lose his family and will engage with getting help. If he doesn't then you know nothing you can do will make a difference and you will be protecting your kids from being further damaged by his behaviour.

Sparklesocks · 03/01/2021 00:47

It sounds really difficult OP. But I think you know already what you need to do for your sake and for your DC. You can’t save him, you can’t help him - only he can. And maybe leaving will give him the kick he needs to finally get help and dry out.

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