To think some partnered people don't realise how much single people need their friends right now?

[Rae34]

I know families and couples will have their own unique struggles going on. This is about not calling or showing up to agreed Zooms.

Having split with my ex shortly before covid I now live alone. All but one of my friends is now in a relationship. Clearly this means less time for the friendship and I understand that.

But I was so looking forward to catching up with a friend tonight. We had been planning it for ages, said we'd each get snacks and gin in our ends and mimic a real meet up! 2 days ago she asked if Sat would suit and I said yes. Well she never contacted me and when I went online I saw she was online as well. I feel a bit hurt. I got the wine in and got ready like I was going out. It sounds stupid I know. I didn't contact her because I figured she had decided against it and just wanted to be with her boyfriend.

This happened at the start of lockdown with another friend who forgot about our call twice. I brought it up and now we keep in touch once a week or so.

I just wish my friends in relationships could understand that it is hurtful when they cancel during these times. I know we are all struggling but I am totally isolated.

@jessyjo2 this is part of the reason I put it up. I'm glad.

It is quite a humbling time. It is quite frightening having all these days stretching out ahead alone, just me & the 4 walls. I realise how many elderly people must feel this way all the time. At least in normal times I can do everything I want to.

@supercee I'm the same as you and get fed up being the planner too. A close friend who now lives abroad was back in the country for 3 months. She was proactive meeting up for walks etc but she has now gone back to hew new home. I miss her.

Yeah, I had that realisation too though earlier on. I've since realised that even though there's often not much to say, and even though I'll often not want to chat beforehand, I do need to. So I've basically told people I am close to that I'm struggling, and try to call people every few days at a minimum. Some of my friends were really good over Christmas as they knew how much it had been a light at the end of the tunnel that was whisked away with the tier 4 announcements. I hope you have friends who will make an effort if you are honest about how you're feeling too. Just to moderate expectations, that was that they called me out of the blue on Christmas Eve to see how I was. We haven't spoken since. It's not like they are in contact daily or anything but they always pick up if available when I call too which is nice to know.

That sucks OP.
I'm sorry your friends are being thoughtless I wouldn't chase them up either you don't forget a meaningful date.
This will all be over soon and as the saying goes "you find out who is there for you when the chips are down"

@Cherrysoup

A friend said something which really touched me. She’s single, lives alone and she says she hasn’t touched another human being since March. That put things into perspective for me.

That is what I have had, least not another adult. I do have children who need hugs but when I need a hug is when I am in bed crying as quietly as possible so they don't hear me.

I had a friend say to me that she thought I had it easier living on my own in lockdown as I could just do what I wanted. The one thing I miss is the regular adult conversation.

@Coffeeandcocopops it's true to an extent. I can read, write, cook, watch do what I want - but we humans need interaction with others.

I've actually signed up for a weekly course to help with the social aspect. I'm expecting the flaky friends issue to continue.

That’s great about the weekly course OP.
Can you go for walks with friends or do you not live close enough to anyone? Walks have kept me going this winter. I often go alone, with my dog, but have frequently ended up chatting to random people on walks. Admittedly having the dog is often the reason for striking up conversation. I’ve found strangers to be much more chatty recently - probably because everyone is feeling more isolated to some extent.

Totally agree. I live on my own. My parents won't meet me for a walk and have been quite unsupportive during this. I'm CEV. They are not. Nor will another friend who I sometimes go walking with. I'm really really struggling. I am sort of bubbled with my best friend. (He's got other people claiming also to be bubbled with him. It's complicated!) Who's been great. But he lives 100 miles away. I'm going to see him tomorrow when though he's in a different tier. Not ideal but I really need to.

I'm sorry to hear this, OP.

This is one of the things that I find really hard about the pandemic. The number of people who are clearly either in a situation where they have a fair amount of face to face contact with family, or at work, or are the type of people who just love to be away from others, who then come on SM and berate others who are desparately isolated and call them granny killers when they can't stand it any longer and meet someone.

You sound as if you are quite resourceful and I really hope you sort things out with your friend, but it sounds hard for you. I feel for youngsters who don't have advanced social skills and social contacts, even those still at home who aren't getting their social needs met by months and months of being with their families. What some disparagingly call 'having fun' ('why can't they just wait a few months?') is vital social contact, developing social skills. After all, solitary confinement is considered an unacceptable form of punishment by civilised societies.

Please don't worry that people are feeling sorry for you. Many of us have alone periods in our lives, and, as someone currently in a happy (if occasionally irritating!) relationship, I'm very grateful that Covid didn't hit when I was at that stage. So I'm more than happy to keep in contact with single friends - were the timing different it could so easily be me.

But give your friends a prod. It's easy to let time slide past unnoticed at the moment. One day feels very much like another.

I have found it easier during the pandemic as I felt left out of society before as everybody was out socialising and going on holiday with friends, then lockdown happened and nobody was so I felt less left out if that makes any sense.

@Rae34

I think people should honour their online meet ups at the moment or say so if they dont feel up to it.

To them it is probably just a call - they could take or leave it - but to me it is the only social interaction I'm having today. I wouldn't feel good chasing her about it - I think people do what they want to do. I just can't believe my life has come to this, despairing over a missed call on a Sat night.

Exactly this, and all your other posts. People are just a bit thoughtless, too. Was chatting to a friend and she said that she felt like a right saddo because she was eating her tea on her own because bf was working and her sister had told her that made her feel really sad to think of her sitting alone eating. I was like "I've eaten nearly every meal for the last nine months on my own!"

I appreciate that the government have now adapted the rules so that single people can form a bubble - however I'm in a bubble with family living a fair distance away so even if I meet up with them once a fortnight that's still 13 days a week I don't see or speak directly to a soul I know (have been WFH since March)...it can be a bit soul destroying tbh.

I do tell myself that I would much rather be single than in an unhappy relationship, although of course a good relationship would be the ideal!

13 days a week - so lonely I've reconfigured time ...meant 13 days in a row!

She finally got in touch today and left a big long voice message. She said she had just realised about the missed video call but 'not to worry' then gave me all her thoughts and christmas news which is what we would have talked about out on a call.

This is how we communicate most of the year and why we had arranged a proper face to face video call over Christmas for a change. I feel quite sad about it. She was a friend I saw most weekend before this but there you go. I don't really want to send a big voice note back.

Sorry op it’s shit for you. I have an adult DD who lives alone and wfh and this is exactly how she feels.
I am really getting worried about her mental health as she sounds so low and lonely at a time when she should be out having fun.
Have a big hug from me.

Ok, now you are starting to sound like a martyr OP. So your friend gave you a quick round up of her Christmas news (even long voicemails can’t be more than a minute or so). Just call her back!! Then you can expand on her news and your news and have a proper chat. Don’t sit their wallowing in self pity.