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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

i am a bit miffed that dh expects me to run after him cos he is ill

26 replies

peskipixie · 25/10/2007 17:21

he really is ill. i think he has the same thing i had a few weeks ago and it is really, really horrible

BUT

he has taken a day off work and spent the day in bed (occasionally whimpering) and is now on the sofa so he can shout if he needs anything

i am sahm with 4 kids, one a baby, one at 1/2 day nursery. i had no time off except for 1 school run (i say time off, i still had to look after small 2). i had hardly any sleep cos baby was also ill and i looked after him. i had to trail to school/nursery and back 3 times a day and entertain/feed kids when they were at home.

dh tells me i didnt have flu, it was just a cold

im not annoyed about looking after dh really, just that when im ill its never that important because i dont spend the whole time whinging (cos no one listens). i want to shout at dh to stop whining cos at least he can spend the day in bed which is more than i managed, i didnt even get a lie in. but he is ill so i will shout it at mn instead.

is there a sahm union i can join?

OP posts:

Sushipaws · 25/10/2007 17:29

MegaLegs · 25/10/2007 17:31

I was going to do that link Sushi.

Hope he's better soon pp - for your sake as much as his.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/10/2007 17:32

ManCold

VodooLULUmama · 25/10/2007 17:32

no YANBU

take to your bed next time, and refuse to move for 48 hours.

a SAHM union is a fabby idea!

Original poster

peskipixie · 25/10/2007 17:37

excellent link. dh claims he doesnt get manflu but every time i complained of feeling ill when pg he was always worse. in the end i told him to go to the doctors as there must be something very wrong, he got better really fast

i hope he gets better soon aswell! i know he is ill so i prob am being mean but im just annoyed i dont get to lounge around when im not well. if i took to my bed he would saunter off to work, the kids would trash the house to find food, sit and watch telly all day instead of going to school and the baby wouldnt be very happy at all. i might book myself into a hotel next time then if he left the house he would be the one leaving them alone wouldnt he?

OP posts:

lizziemun · 25/10/2007 18:37

YANBU

Tell him he is a parent and no longer gets sick leave .

So he can get on with it or go to work.

This is what I tell dh, so he no longer moans or goes to work.

bran · 25/10/2007 18:44

I was really lucky last year when we both got flu because dh got it first. He was genuinely ill but also genuinely annoying, after the first couple of days he would lie on the sofa in the sitting room so that he could watch tv, and then suggest that ds should be kept away in case he caught it. I'm not sure where he thought ds should go.

But at least when I caught it just after he recovered he knew that there was no way I could be left to cope with ds alone. So (wait for it, it's going to be good) he sent his office junior to do the nursery drop off and pick up, and another member of his office to look after ds on a non-nursery day.

Original poster

peskipixie · 25/10/2007 19:13

omg bran thats incredible! dont know if thats in a good or bad way lol

i tell him going to work is easier when you are ill but he doesnt believe me. he arranges what he is doing aswell so he could give himself an easy day in the office if he wanted. now he says he might not manage to go in tomorrow, will have to make sure he doesnt get another full day in bed or he might think he can do it all the time

he is now putting ds to bed, he only does the one job so im not letting him get away with that, he has left it as late as poss, huffed and puffed etc but he is doing it.

i am partly joking as he is generally pretty good with doing stuff, its just the competition over who is most ill that bugs me

OP posts:

miobombino · 25/10/2007 19:48

poor you ! I'm also a sahm of 4 and had a really nasty flu type virus in late September; took a full 2 weeks to be better and only now am I getting my full strength back . Take to my bed ?? I bloody wish...

It's hard for some men to understand just how impossible it is for us to "take it easy". My dh was very busy at work at the time - I really craved just ONE lie in even for an extra half hour - eg he'd start a little later at work after having done the morning school run - but it didn't happen. Strangely neither he nor any of the dcs got the same bug; I must say the icing on the cake would have been watching dh snivel in bed while I struggled on feeling under par.

Why don't you insist he goes back to bed, as "it's so nasty this bug", he'll "need to build up strength". Maybe that way you could bore him back to work and out of your hair.

miobombino · 25/10/2007 19:49

Why don't you insist he goes back to bed, as "it's so nasty this bug", he'll "need to build up strength". Maybe that way you could bore him back to work and out of your hair.

HappyDaddy · 26/10/2007 10:41

Tell him to stop whinging or you'll stop helping.

YeahBut · 26/10/2007 10:59

Dh "I feel really ill."
Me "Go to bed or go to the doctor."
Dh "I feel really ill."

Me "Have you had any paracetamol?"
Dh "No, not yet."
5 mins later
Dh "I feel really ill"...
FFS, he is worse than the kids. Am v. harsh now. I tell my dh that if he wants to be mothered when he is sick, he needs to go home to his mum. I've enough children to care for as it is.

HappyDaddy · 26/10/2007 11:02

My house is similar:

Me: "I feel awful"
DW: "Have you taken anything for it?"
Me: "No"
DW: "Take something or shut up then"
Me: "Oh, ok" (sulk)

rebelmum1 · 26/10/2007 11:06

I empathise, I had a luxury spa weekend planned with friends I hadn't seen for ages .... guess who had gastroenteritis the run-up to me going! I ignored all moans and whimpering and packed my bags and was just about to leave when a very grey/green haggard (had been on the loo for days) dp said he was going to the hospital..

(sob!!!!!!)

YeahBut · 26/10/2007 11:14

HD, can I just ask as a representative chap, are you actually looking for sympathy when whining, despite years of experience to the contrary or is it just some reflex mechanism.

OrmIrian · 26/10/2007 11:22

It's funny but pre-kids I used to quite enjoy playing Florence Nightingale - used to by Lucozade and tins of tomato soup and run round after him. Since the kids arrived he gets very short shrift if he's ill. In my book the only people who get mothered are the 3 kids. I certainly don't.

BTW it's not a SAHM thing...it's a mother thing. If you work, by the time you get DCs up, dressed and fed and in school or childcare, you might as well go in to work . I have to be just about dead to get time off - from kids or from work.

rebelmum1 · 26/10/2007 11:31

Yes you just have to bat on it's a pain and doesn't make you remotely sympathetic. I work and it's a pain, I can't take sick time this year as all the days off this yr have been for sick dd

HappyDaddy · 26/10/2007 11:31

Definately sympathy vote. Also, I don't like taking medecine, but know I should.

nappychangingmachine · 26/10/2007 11:34

My DH is exactly the same. He complained of a sniffle this morning - I hate it when he has a cold as it's all I hear about until he finally feels better. The last time I felt really ill (tummy bug picked up from DC's), he told me to take it easy and lie down on the sofa and maybe have a nap and watch a daytime movie. WTF - what about the 2 sick children I also had to look after (one was a toddler and the other about 7 months at the time). He had just forgotten that I had to look after them too! He feels so sory for himself when he's ill it just drives me mad. I would rather have it instead of him than listen to the whingeing.

Beelliesebub · 26/10/2007 11:36

When my dh is ill I leave him in bed with a game console and dvd's. Then I dose him up every 4 hours with pain killers cos it's just so much easier........
and if the truth be known I really am a crap nurse, I just have no sympathy for him when he's ill, he turns into this 6ft baby from hell and I just wanna beat him with a heavy object..... so it's safer for him if I just stay away

rebelmum1 · 26/10/2007 11:42

lol beelliesebub, maybe we should put them out of their misery

Lazarou · 26/10/2007 11:45

BreeVanDerCampLGJ, ive never seen that show before, that clip was so funny, can't believe I havent watched it! When is it on?

pud1 · 26/10/2007 11:45

my oh has got man flu. i got so sick of him last night i made him 4 strong hot toddies and gave him about 3 x the recomended dose of night nurse,. the mixture of the whisky and night nurse knocked him out. slept from about 9.00 so i did not have to listen to the pathetic moaning noises he has been making for the past 2 days

Beelliesebub · 26/10/2007 12:37

My dh came back from the doc's yesterday and he's only gone and told him he's got bronchitis FFS...... and the pathetic wheezing is doing my head in and the worse of it is he wasn't wheezing before he went.... I'm gonna try your remedy pud1.........

pud1 · 26/10/2007 12:52

it worked for me Beelliesebub. the worst that can happen is an overdose. having to have a somach pump will give them something to really moan about

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