Desperate for a baby

[lolateddy]

I always wanted to be a mum relatively young but didn't quite expect it so soon when I got pregnant last year at 23. I was so scared but soon got round to the idea. Unfortunately 2 days after I found out at 7 weeks, I miscarried.
My partner and I were devastated. It took us a long time to get over it (in fact I know we're both not yet) .
We have since got a dog which has filled my emptiness slightly, I really feel like he was the baby I never had.
Since the miscarriage, I've had a constant yearning to become a mother. Every time I see a pregnancy announcement I physically ache. The only problem is, my partner isn't ready to try again. I think he's terrified I might miscarry again. Am I being unreasonable to ask him a rough time that he might be ready to start trying so I can prepare myself ie. start taking vitamins etc and getting more healthy. Or should I be waiting for him to let me know when he's ready?
I feel so awful because I constantly talk about babies and I know since what happened it really stresses him out, but I don't know how to distract myself until he's ready.
Thanks in advance and I hope this makes sense. My mind is all over the place.

My DP was the same, I was desperate for a baby after the last pregnancy ended (an accident at 21!) And I was obsessed and spoke about it all the time. In the end I had to stop mentioning it, he wasn't ready and wouldn't be until he was 30 (approx 4 years) and didn't want to hear anymore. Then randomly one day he asked if I still wanted to try and to book an appointment to remove the implant. We are now TTC (I'm 23 and DP is 26) I'm sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry. I've recently had a miscarriage so I know how horrible it is.

You have to wait for him to be ready in his own time. Constantly talking about it or asking him if he's ready yet will probably not help at all.

Have you had any counselling? It might be an idea for you both.

Also if you PM me I can give you the name of a Facebook miscarriage suport group that has been very helpful to me. If you posted on there I'm sure you'll find people in similar situations.

@Amijustagrump wow that's such a lovely story. How did you take your mind off it while you were waiting for him to be ready? I really try but I just don't know what to do to take my mind off it all. It seems everywhere I look someone is pregnant or just had a baby. I can't really delete my social media as I use it for work. So exciting you're TTC. Hopefully it won't be long for you.

@cakecakecheese I'm so sorry for your loss. It really knocks you for six doesn't it? How are you coping now?
I think I know deep down I just need to wait. I'm just worried that might be more than a year. Maybe that's me being a bit obsessive and thinking I had a plan that I wanted a baby at 25. I'm just so ready for it.
I haven't thought about seeing a counsellor but after I had an episode last night I'm now thinking maybe it affects me more than I know, and maybe it would help. I'm not sure how my partner would feel about doing that, I will have to speak to him.

Do you work? Study? What do you do in life?

Are you certain he’s actually ready to be a dad?

@lolateddy I still thought of it all the time and got really quite upset. However I made an effort not to talk to him or mention it! We came up with a "deal" where I may need to grieve sometimes and I would remove myself from the room and just take some space, he knew I was grieving and would often come to support me but it was less pressure on him as the conversation didn't inevitable end up "when will we have our one back" as it had done before. I think it helped both of us, we also had some counselling sessions that really helped!

It was such a hard year, and my heart goes out to you for going through it

I hear you. It's so hard to distract yourself! Especially when friends around you are having babies!

I moved in with my partner of 2 years in November and I thought we'd have had some conversations about it by now. He's said in the past he was keen but said that there was no point in making further plans till I'd moved in.

I know that me trying to bring it up before he's ready won't help. Most of all because I don't want to have a child with someone who isn't keen!

It's just hard to keep my emotions from overwhelming me in the meantime.

This year I've set myself some goals that are things I have personal control over and can feel accomplishment for.
I'm aiming to save up for an adventurous hols in the summer too - something I wouldn't be able to do if pregnant (as long as COVID allows!).

They're just my suggestions - open to other ideas too!

@CrotchBurn I have 2 businesses. My partner also has his own business, we have bought our own house and are mortgage free.

@Sway19 I mean, he's probably not ready right now. But I know he will be. He is late 30's and is totally obsessed with his nephews. I think he is just terrified of us going through a miscarriage again.

@Amijustagrump thanks so much. That really helps, I think I am just going to have to really make a conscious effort not to mention it now. I know he also has plans to propose before we TTC. So I guess I just need to live in the moment and try to not dwell. It's so hard though isn't it when you feel like you're missing something that was taken away.

@Bigparrot that sounds like a great idea setting a goal! I have actually started to save for a new kitchen which we will hopefully get started soon!
Is there anything in the house that needs doing that you can distract yourself with? Maybe some up cycling or re doing a room in the house?

I've got the garden and the bathroom in mind for some redecoration. Think that'll keep me pretty busy!

Good luck with your kitchen