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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

friends and xmas presents

44 replies

racletteyum · 01/01/2021 20:41

Been mulling over this for a couple of days now.... before Xmas I sent a present to a friend's little girl - bought it online and had it delivered to hers with a card. Not heard anything about the present since. I know it's been delivered because I got a notification from the delivery company.

We usually don't do presents although I've known her for over 20 years but I wanted to get them something because this year has been particularly tough for them. We've been in touch since but no mention of it. Not sure if she's just being rude or whether they've misdelivered it or something.

AINBU to assume that a friend would mention it in passing - i.e. cheers for DDs present

AIBU - let it go and dont worry about it

OP posts:

Chocolate1984 · 01/01/2021 22:17

Just ask. I’ve found amazon boxes stuffed behind bins or one was nearly chucked out as it was put in the cardboard recycling box. They don’t always put notes through the door.

problembottom · 01/01/2021 22:20

I’d definitely check - our toddler has a birthday just after Christmas and it is chaos and we can’t open every present on the days themselves but I made sure everyone got a little video, a picture or at the very least a text saying thank you as soon as I could. I’d hate to think I’d missed someone who cared enough to send DD a present and would be glad if they asked me in case their parcel hadn’t arrived. Will be sending thank you cards in due course too.

YouKnowItsTrue · 01/01/2021 22:45

If anyone it’s them who should be embarrassed not you for asking if they received it

lovelylittlepanda · 02/01/2021 09:01

@Topseyt

Give it a few more days. If you still hear nothing then just send her a polite message asking her to confirm that they received it.

Say that you just want to ascertain that is didn't go astray.

This ^

I'm still trying to work out who one Amazon gift package was sent by. Clearly meant for my kids, right age gifts etc.

It's not from a close friend/relative as we know what they have all sent so must be from a colleague or somebody we don't usually do gifts with.

No delivery note or card in the box and Amazon absolutely refuses to tell me even whether the sender is in this country or abroad!

Just casually mention it.

I'm so embarrassed we haven't thanked the sender!

AcrobaticCardigan · 02/01/2021 09:08

I’d suspect she doesn’t know who it’s from. I’d def mention it.

BakedTattie · 02/01/2021 09:11

I always get the fear on threads like this - incase i have forgot to thank someone.

HikeForward · 02/01/2021 09:24

Maybe she hadn’t received it or opened it yet? If she wasn’t expecting a gift she might think it’s something mundane she ordered and it’s still in the box! I have a load of ebay things I need to open but they’re all gardening stuff for spring so I haven’t bothered yet.

Did you put your name on the gift wrap/tag/card? Kids tend to rip paper off so if it was a tiny tag your friend might have missed it and think family sent it.

Or maybe she’s planning to send you a photo of smiley kid holding gift or playing with it but hasn’t got round to it?

Maybe they’re ill or have covid?

Sunbird24 · 02/01/2021 09:24

My birthday/Christmas present from my best friend was tucked behind the food waste bin, with no note through the door, and didn’t contain the gift note she’d asked for. If she hadn’t checked with me I wouldn’t have found it or known who it was from. Luckily they’d put it in a plastic bag as the night it was outside for it absolutely chucked it down!

Fatladyslim · 02/01/2021 09:28

I've had 2 gifts deliverered this year without any indication of who they are from.

I also had some flowers once with a card but the printer had stopped working half way through so there was no recipient info and the company wouldn't tell me who had purchased them.

Just contact your friend and check they got it, I wish the people I haven't thanked would!

ScrapThatThen · 02/01/2021 09:30

It might have slipped her mind
It might not have arrived
She might have felt embarrassed she didn’t get you anything
She might have felt annoyed because you have a no gifts arrangement

Next time give her the heads up it’s coming. Or just keep giving gifts, not obligations,

You can ask if it arrived, that’s not unreasonable, but beware it does signal your annoyance. Rude to not thank, rude to expect thanks imho, but I am not quite sure when parcels are involved because they don’t always arrive or people sometimes get confused about who it’s from so this does cause confusion.

MintyMabel · 02/01/2021 15:19

but beware it does signal your annoyance.

No it doesn’t. Checking something you sent through the post or had is perfectly sensible these days. Folk do it to me all the time.

OP Just say you’ve heard of parcels going missing and you just want to check it was delivered. No big deal.

MatildaTheCat · 02/01/2021 15:49

I’ve currently got three parcels missing. Two were marked as delivered. It means very little to get one of the delivered messages.

Just send one of the friendly texts suggested.

DappledThings · 02/01/2021 15:52

...if you've been in touch two-three times already would anyone really wait to write a thank you card or just say - yeah mate, cheers!
I do! I never thank by text even if other texts have been exchanged. Cards went in the post on Thursday.

Starry4120 · 02/01/2021 15:55

Oh god this reminds me I need to thank a relative for sending my dc presents. It totally slipped my mind, they’ve probably forgotten too!

Paisley2018 · 02/01/2021 16:17

I would ask if she received it as you have heard stories of parcels being delivered to neighbours etc.
I have had this happen to me. Exchanged messages after Christmas but still no Thankyou from her.
This was the final straw after various other crappy things she has done. I’ve decided I’m too old for that behaviour, so I am cutting her off.

Tier10 · 02/01/2021 16:21

I’d ask too, just say you’re checking that it was delivered.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 02/01/2021 16:32

I had similar issues as a PP - a couple of items sent direct from Amazon arrived, but the recipients didn't find the gift-note that I'd requested.
I'd just ask, to check that it arrived safely

For one friend that I often send things to, I've set her one line of the address as the word GIFT - or could equally use "from Duvet" so she knows who it's from (and not to open it if it's for a specific event).

Norwayreally · 02/01/2021 16:35

Really easy to forget at Christmas time when multiple parcels arrive and everything is rather hectic. I’d just send a text asking whether she got it and take it from there.

TheFoz · 02/01/2021 16:37

My friend sent me little Christmas ornaments, but there was nothing in the box to say who they were from. As I was texting her at the time I told her about this strange delivery I had just gotten and she told me they were from her. I wouldn’t have known otherwise!
Maybe the same situation has happened here.

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