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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel ‘Happy’ about the new year

15 replies

BruceAndMarley · 31/12/2020 20:51

Not sure what I expect from writing this . Just somewhere to turn to I guess . What a shit show of a year? I had covid in my pregnancy, was hospitalised numerous times, now Suffering form PND. First time mum and I have got a gorgeous daughter but I’ve suffered tremendously . Spent the past 4 nearly 5 months hating myself and everything . Husband was redeployed to work front line with covid patients , I didn’t see him for 15 weeks of my pregnancy due to his shifts and him having to basically isolate due to me being high risk. I spent almost my whole pregnancy in lockdown. Had a traumatic birth, ended in EMCS. Just generally had an awful year . I’m just not excited for the new year and I feel so guilty for it. Does anyone else feel the same ?
Not at all a woe is me post, just somewhere to come and offload i guess.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 31/12/2020 20:55

Oh gosh you’ve had a ghastly year.understandably you’re not feeling it’s happy NY
I wish you and DH well with new wee baby and a recovery from PND. You will get better btw
Take small steps, it’s a hard time, stay safe and don’t put onerous expectations on yourself

Mindymomo · 31/12/2020 20:58

I’m so sorry that your first time of being a mother has been so horrible, no words can help. For me being a mother has been the best achievement of my life so I hope in time to come, you can hopefully begin to enjoy being a mother and wife.

happytoday73 · 31/12/2020 21:00

You've had a bad year. Acknowledge if as such and wave it goodbye
Try to take some enjoyment from the fact 2020 is nearly over and 2021 will undoubtedly better for you, your DD & DH.
Best wishes...

Echobelly · 31/12/2020 21:02

I'm sorry you had such a particular horror of a year OP. The next two months are not going to be any fun either, but here's hoping that we can all start feeling a bit more optimistic in spring when weather/vaccines/lockdown should precipitate the end of the worst.

Original poster
BruceAndMarley · 31/12/2020 21:08

Thank you everyone , you are all very kind . You’re right , I should take some joy out of the fact it’s nearly a fresh start. I didn’t look at it that way @happytoday73

OP posts:
Original poster
BruceAndMarley · 31/12/2020 21:09

@Echobelly I just can’t believe I’m due back to work in 4 months time , I feel robbed of this whole experience as a first time mother it’s awful :(

OP posts:
MustardMitt · 31/12/2020 21:09

I don’t get why you feel guilty? You’re entitled to your feelings.

I’m sorry it’s been such a tough year for you, I don’t think you’re alone in that regard. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster
BruceAndMarley · 31/12/2020 21:11

@MustardMitt I’m not sure . I suppose because I feel others have bad it a lot worse . I’ve got friends who have lost their jobs, some have lost their homes, so I feel like I’m not really entitled to feel this way. My Auntie passed away in April & my friend passed away in October & I couldn’t even go to either of their funerals to say a proper goodbye. It’s just been a year you couldn’t even make up could you ? It’s like it’s from a movie

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 31/12/2020 21:13

There’s no need to compare or think who’s got it worse. It is what is is. Your lived experience

TheYearOfSmallThings · 31/12/2020 21:15

To be honest, you HAVE been robbed of the normal experience of pregnancy, childbirth and maternity leave, so you have every right to feel shit about that. It would be strange if you didn't actually.

But this crappy year is ending and next year will be (gradually) better. By this time next year the future will be rosy!

Echobelly · 31/12/2020 21:15

Oof, OP, that's hard on you. X

Original poster
BruceAndMarley · 31/12/2020 21:18

Thanks everyone , I feel better after offloading . Thanks for listening it means a lot . I don’t want to bother friends when they’re all doing their own things tonight

OP posts:
happystone · 31/12/2020 21:19

You have had a shit year. Next year will be better.Flowers

Northernmummy80 · 31/12/2020 21:33

I had therapy once that said one of the worst things you can do is not accept your feelings.

If someone had been beaten up once vs multiple times both are still entitled to their feelings even if one had it worse. If you don’t process your emotions it bogs you down.

Yes it’s been a rubbish year and some people may have had it worse than you but that doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed / upset / feel like you were robbed of the maternity leave or birth you wanted.

Being a first time mum is hard, give your self a break. You are doing the best you can in a rubbish situation. Just think 2021 you get your babies 1st birthday and loads of exciting milestones like walking and first shoes. Try to focus on the positives and if you are struggling maybe contact your HV who could recommend someone to talk to or even some baby groups.

ViciousJackdaw · 31/12/2020 22:17

If someone had been beaten up once vs multiple times both are still entitled to their feelings even if one had it worse

Absolutely. Just to add, a therapist once told me that you can drown in the bath just as easily as you can drown in the sea. Whether the thing is small or large, it still has a devastating effect.

OP, I know it might feel difficult to believe right now but things will improve. We are turning a corner with the vaccines and this time next year, life will look a hell of a lot rosier. I wish you and your family all the best Flowers

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