To think that I should have believed them

[custardlemontree]

When they said that I would never amount to anything in life because 40 years on it's obvious that they were right.

I'm single, obese, stupid and have nothing to offer.

So the fact that you're failing means that you are trying. Many don't try. Well done. Sooner or later your trying will get you there.

You are right here, right now. Unfortunately, we can’t go back, only forward.
Many people who’ve been conventionally successful have had a lot of support from family as a young child. It sounds like you never had that. That you were sabotaged and made to feel worthless. That is so hard to fight.
But you’re resilient. You kept trying. And even now, you’re reaching out as you want change. To find a way.

You can look forward again. If you can’t get support in real life, you can find plenty of support here. There’ll be amazing posters here who can talk to you, share experiences with you and pass on wisdom to you.
Keep posting on you’ll find your way.

Failure and how you deal with it is part of life. It would help you to shake off this negativity as it’s holding you back.

If I were you I would make a plan to work on myself and my dim view of myself (you’re being far too judgemental of yourself). Nothing will change unless you change something. You can do this at any age.

Also remember that any feelings we have about things are out of context at the moment because of the weird year we’ve had.

Don’t compare yourself to others, it’s the most destructive thing and stay off social media; it’s rarely an accurate picture of what’s going on in someone’s life.

Try to find peace in the smallest things, going for a walk and getting some fresh air will do you the power of good. 💐💐

Are you still breathing? Then you are one of the winners. Have a long soak in the bath while you focus on positive visualisations of moments in your future. Doesn't have to be anything big. Smile to yourself at the thought of a plant you planted - or weed you spared - coming into bloom. One happy moment at a time.

Do you eat to push the feelings down so that you don’t have to feel them?
Please be kind to yourself and try to understand why you behave as you behave. Have you been told over and over that you aren’t good enough? Do you look for confirmation of this painful and negative lie?

How about looking for confirmation that you are OK? Deliberately say positive things to yourself - you will immediately be “winning” against those who want you to fail. Try doing things that enrich your soul. Developing a good connection with nature helps you to understand there is so much more to life than the negative opinions of others which don’t matter anyway(Can you imagine what it would have been like to be black in the UK in the last century and to face racism and discrimination daily from the majority?)Sometimes, other people are wrong. Sometimes, the majority are wrong. Your biggest connection in life is with yourself so be your own best friend- they can’t take that from you.

As an aside I have obese single friends who I love dearly- because they are wonderful, sweet, kind people with great sense of humour. As I am sure, are you.

Please read 'Everything is Figureoutable' by Marie Forleo, and check out her videos online. She is so inspiring and gave me enormous hope. I'm in a new path and still positive about it a year later thanks to her.

Fuck living be everyone else’s standards and expectations, do what makes YOU happy.
So what if you didn’t live up to what others wanted you to? Forget the past, forget what you didn’t succeed at.
Go forward with compassion for yourself and have faith that you’re good enough just as you are.

Hugs @custardlemontree I'm sorry you're having a rough time today.

What does success look like to you? Successful people aren't made overnight. It's the result of hundreds if not thousands of small decisions to get there.

Make a list of the things you want that you think would make you successful. Then break them down into manageable chunks. You can do it x

Never be ashamed of having failed at something. All it proves is that you tried.
The only thing to be ashamed of would be never having tried at all.

Youve obviously got quite low self esteem going on at the moment so it might be helpful to look into some positive coping strategies and mindfulness as it can really help with catastrophizing.

Humans fail, everyone has failed at something a wonderful reminder you're not just in a simulation.

I hope things get better op !

40. That's only 'mid-life'. You've probably got another 40 years left (touch wood). So, will you have another 40 years of talking yourself down, or 40 years of bigging yourself up? I know what I'd choose...

OP you haven't failed at all. It just means you have yet to find what you're naturally meant to do. Everyday can throw up a new opportunity, be in personal or career. 2020 has been shit, tomorrow is a new year, a year that you could own.

What can you change, OP?

Are you depressed OP? You sound down and seem to have low self esteem. Have you spoken to your GP? Maybe you would benefit from some support to help you move forward. Use the new year to have a new look at your hopes and wishes. What can you do differently to help you make some positive changes? Could you volunteer to help in the local community or a care facility and help support the vulnerable? What would give you satisfaction? You can do this. Small steps to help move you forward. Best of luck for the new year. X

Op @custardlemontree fk what horrible creatures have said to you ! You do matter you are important and are worth as much as anyone else, if I were sat next to you I’d give you a great big hug. I understand how you must be feeling I spent most of my younger years feeling awful like an alien plonked in this world because I was seen as different or odd , I got told I was ugly fat nobody would love me and I’d never have friends etc and it made me honestly just hate myself and want to crawl up in a ball and not wake up. I’ve come to realise that the problem is other people not me iam worthy ,iam loved ,iam nice it’s just taken years of being emotionally broken . You matter to me op

New Year - New You

I remember once when my DH was feeling down on his lot, I told him be had fathered two boys and that was more then Henry 8th managed. We came up with loads of other seemingly ridiculous comparisons, like how he had lived longer than Jesus did.

What I'm trying to do is put success into perspective. Not everyone is successful in all areas of their lives and in my experience, success often comes with compromises and sacrifices.

I don't want to be "that" poster. But I lost my sister to cancer this year. She was younger than me and seemingly had it all. None of it mattered at the end of the day. Her illness and death has really changed my perspective in life and I no longer sweat the small stuff now. Every day is a blessing and all of that.

Who are "they" if you don't have any friends? Your family?
Whoever it is, they're only "right" because you believe them. Tell them (and the negative voice in your head) to F off ! Think about how you would want to be and start taking action to get there.

I've been depressed, Im still fat and my self-pity is very strong but ultimately we are responsible for our life and need to pull ourselves up. What steps are you taking to feel better /get to your goals? Map out what you need to do and do one thing everyday. Small changes can make a big difference and are more sustainable . We are all a work in progress and if you're 1% better than yesterday you're succeeding

You’re giving ‘them’ too much power. ‘They’ literally only have the power you give them. And you can stop.

Allow yourself to feel sad for yourself and pity yourself. Then stop and make a change. Your life is precious and waaaaay from anywhere near over.

You can do so many things to create happiness. You just have to make tiny beginnings. Little changes you’d hardly notice, and build on them.

You can do it. It’s up to you

Failing is facing loss, loss of what you imagined life would be with the outcome of the attempt to get there.

So it's no surprise when you face failure after failure (even if there have been successes along the way that are ignored) that you'd end up in a state of grief.

The thing is, life is about learning and persevering, or accepting your current situation.

You can be happy with the latter if you learn to live for the present and focusing on the positive, however small they are.

If that's not enough, then you need to pick yourself up and try again, however, with some introspection as to why things failed before. The reasons are likely complex, but trying demands energy, so it's worth investigating where you've gone wrong so not to duplicate the sane errors.

Good luck OP. Things can turn around so incredibly quickly, either way.

Write yourself a list of what you feel you have failed at. Every single thing. Then imagine the list belonged to someone you love or admire. Is their list such a big deal?

You need to feel better about you and that starts so small. With my weight and body issues, my starting point was spending just one week creating some healthy meal recipes. One whole week of what was absolutely delicious food that had next to no bad crap in it. I lost 3lb and was so amazed it worked and my food didn't taste of cardboard, I kept going and even signed up to an exercise subscription - dance based because I am no gym enthusiast - to get it done quicker and get healthier in myself. I lost 3 stone, fit into clothes I didn't think I'd ever wear again and it generally made me happier with me. But it started with that small little thing of one week learning something new.

Hi OP. I once read that successful people don't succeed at everything. They try 10 different things and 9 of them don't work out. Remind yourself what you are good at. And keep trying. It's all any of us can do.

When I fucked up someone told me 'he who never made a mistake never made anything at all'.
Any successful businessperson usually has a string of 'failed' ventures behind them. This is partly because luck is a big factor, and partly because the failed ones are a training ground.
Don't try to change everything at once. Pick what's important to you, and look after yourself and be kind.

Your past doesn't have to define your future. Keep going and enjoy the journey. Start a new year with new beginnings. There will always be haters around, don't let them get you down.