I will try and summarise this as I fear I could end up writing a novel.
DP and I have been together for 7 years, have a house, a 5yo DS and are engaged. He is 12 years older than me. I have always wanted 2 children, and made this clear from the off. DP used to agree (or so he made out).
I’ve been asking DP for over 2 years if we can start trying for no2. He has consistently told me he ‘doesn’t know’ if he wants another. He cites the cons as financial reasons, and possibly being too old (he’s 42) but won’t actually commit to saying he doesn’t want another. I have waited patiently but he never brings the subject back up and it has become something that is consuming me. We are not rich by any means but we get by and I feel strongly we would manage perfectly fine, we both work.
It’s not the fact that he might not want another (if he admitted this I’d be devastated but would respect this and would try to move forward having had the closure), but more that I feel I am powerless, being dangled in limbo. I am desperate for another child and I have no idea if it will happen.
We also have NEVER used contraception since have DS, but are not actively trying. I have had a few pregnancy scares but has never happened, although I hope it would. I figure DP knows how babies are made so can’t be too against having one? It’s all a massive head fuck and mixed signals.
It’s become a massive issue in our relationship and I’m so hurt that DP seems content to keep me dangling knowing I am in pain. We’ve had many a painful emotional conversation and argument about this. He’s terrible at communicating and he usually just gets angry and refuses to talk.
I’ve told him I don’t want to start 2021 still feeling this way it’s making me ill, and he needs to tell me yes or no. It’s the fact that he won’t tell me that is hurtful, not the fact he may not want another child.
AIBU to push for an answer? AIBU to consider leaving if he still won’t give me one? I just know I can’t keep feeling this way.