Reducing kids contact with ex...

[fullofquestion]

Been separated 3 years now, 3 kids, their dad has them one day every weekend alternating sat/sun. Eldest son has autism and is struggling in lockdown with all the changes in routine, he comes back from his dads really unsettled and it makes it very difficult for me getting him into school the next day when it's on a Sunday. The kids also get bored round there atm as with lockdown they can only go on devices, dad does crafts with them and they have toys there but not the same as before lockdown when he would take them out etc. I am going to suggest dropping contact to every other weekend. Aibu? He has asked to increase contact previously however with sons condition I put this off as he wanted them overnight and I felt this was too disruptive, he has also asked to have them during the week at times - school pick up and dinner but again it's difficult as disrupts son. I am not really sure what would be for the best.

But which is it, the lack of routine, 30min commute or sleeping on blow up beds? Come on OP. PP have given good ideas, seems you're looking for excuses now. Why cant your kids travel 30min to/from school to see their dad? 30min is nothing, plenty of people do that or more. And whats the point in dad buying proper beds if you hardly allow kids to see him? If they sleep over regularly maybe he would invest in proper beds. Cant understand mums that expect dads to kit out a full blown home for kids they dont even allow to come . Sounds more like excuses to keep them from their dad.

You even admit that your kids want to go and is upset when he comes back to you. Maybe he needs to stay longer with his dad and not change over so quickly to give him time to get settled

YABU. He sounds like a decent Dad, I would encourage more time with his children rather than less.

There's no concerns over his parenting he is a good dad, helps a lot financially, kids are happy it's just managing sons behaviour and how to work contact best so he has the least disruption.

So the fix is you need support in managing your sons behaviour and possibly a ‘mirrored’ system at their dads house.

Children have a right (where safe) to have a relationship with both of their parents, both parents should be doing what they can to facilitate this.

You could ask if he would agree every Saturday and not Sunday as unsettling for your son. If he wanted more contact I would offer a week during summer holiday. Maybe he could take them on holiday somewhere nice. It would also give you a break.

I don’t think you should reduce contact. That’s quite cruel when he wants to be engaged with them and wants more contact. God, given the amount of stories on here of useless fathers who never want to see their children, count yourself lucky. He could do the school run and you could explain the changes using a calendar, as per pp.

According to your update- the eldest already only goes EOW and you facilitate this- so what's the question?

YABVU. Imagine if he told you you could only see them every other weekend.

They need a relationship with their dad and one of the reasons why they might be so unsettled is because one day a week isn't enough to create a routine. When my partners kids started coming o we once a fortnight for two nights they settled much better than the same amount of time spread over one weekend.

Work with your ex to get it to work. Rather than giving in it doesn't work so let's give up.