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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When I really like someone and then

17 replies

Besswess88 · 30/12/2020 20:45

I found out they are deeply religious.

It puts me off them (I am an atheist) but I have no idea why.

I feel that religion is a form of brain washing (That is just my opinion obviously), but I struggle to be friends with anyone who has a deep faith and in a way I feel disappointed with myself for being so fucking judgemental.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 30/12/2020 20:52

I understand why it might not mean someone is compatible with you romantic relationship wise as it’s quite a fundamental thing, but I do think it’s a shame that you wouldn’t even be friends with someone who had faith. I’m not religious either but it seems unfair to dismiss so many people before you even know them based on their beliefs.

I think calling it ‘brainwashing’ is also very dismissive as well. You don’t know the reasons for people’s faith. Not everyone is a obsessive crank desperate to preach to you. In a way you’re the same as the zealots you feel so strongly against.

1Morewineplease · 30/12/2020 20:56

I'd be turned off... apologies to those of faith.

Confusedashell12 · 30/12/2020 20:57

I’m turned off too

RollOnForever · 30/12/2020 21:05

I do find that very judgemental and just a bit of a weird way to be. 'Religious people' are completely diverse, and to single out that one aspect of them to judge them negatively on without exploring further is not, in my view, a good thing.

I find MN to be quite anti-religious so you will get a lot of people agreeing with you but, no, it's not a stance I would take. I judge people on whether they are kind, funny, whether we 'click' or not. Not what faith they pursue privately.

If it was all they talked about, or wanted me to engage in some way then that might put me off. I've almost never met anyone like that though, most religious people are quite happy to keep it private and low key.

SilenceOfThePrams · 30/12/2020 21:08

That’s a shame. I value the differences between my friends and I as much as the similarities. I don’t ram my faith down my atheist friends’ throats, but we do have discussions (not arguments and certainly not me proselytising!) about the different way we cope with things/different driving forces in life.

Be very boring if we were all the same!

TrainspottingWelsh · 30/12/2020 21:35

I can't say that it's ever something I've really thought about. I'm an atheist, but I only struggle with people with extreme views they attribute to their religion that clash with my own moral beliefs, not the average believer. I doubt I would have wanted to raise dc with someone that wanted them to regularly participate in organised religion, or insist they believe too. But that's simply down to it clashing with how I wanted to raise dc, so irrelevant to a child free relationship or friendship.

Emeraldshamrock · 30/12/2020 21:43

I feel the similar but in reverse. I'm Catholic
I'm not deeply religious at all but have some faith.
I respect others beliefs or non beliefs whatever they may be they're none of my business.
I met a new friend school mum she is a strong atheist and insists on railroading her beliefs on to others making jokes on religious celebrations.
It turned me off her.

BettyAndVeronica · 30/12/2020 21:47

In a romantic relationship sense, yes, it would be a turn off and a no go for me.

Friendship wise, I don't mind.

tensmum1964 · 30/12/2020 21:54

Me too. I can handle a friend having a faith but couldn't relate to anyone who are too entrenched in their religion. When it comes to.a partner even a fleeting belief would be a no for me. I wouldn't have a relationship.with someone who believes in fairies so a belief in a God would have me running for the hills.

sleepyhead · 30/12/2020 21:58

I've got a "friend" who admitted as much to me.

She kindly ascribes all sort of beliefs to me to go along with her label of "religious" (I'm not particularly religious actually).

She also believes wholeheartedly in homeopathy which makes me smile.

Soooo rational unlike poor old brainwashed me Wink

Almostslimjim · 30/12/2020 22:00

You'd likely be very incompatible, so best not to even begin. I think it's probably for the best you're immediately put off!

QueenOfPain · 30/12/2020 22:05

Yeah, big turn off for me too. I wouldn’t have an issue with someone who had been raised in a religious family but had decided to step away from the religion (but not their family) personally. And would be happy to still engage in required customs and traditions as a sign of respect to their family. But yeah, I just wouldn’t be compatible with someone who held any kind of religion as central to their current existence.

thumpingrug · 30/12/2020 22:05

completely agree about the brainwashing. Weak minded fools. Best avoided.

sonjadog · 30/12/2020 22:11

Can you only be friends with people who think just like you? That sounds very limiting. Maybe you could embrace the idea that your beliefs and ways of thinking are just one of many, and show interest in other people? Otherwise it sounds like you think your way of thinking is the only right one.

Drivingthroughfords · 30/12/2020 22:18

Im an atheist and I have friends with many different religious views and we get on just fine. However, I could never date someone who is religious because they wouldn't share the same core values and to me that's a deal breaker. Same with politics!

Livpool · 30/12/2020 22:23

I am agnostic and my DH is RC although not 'deeply'. It has never bothered me
and we don't talk about religion

Hankunamatata · 30/12/2020 22:27

Really depends on the person. Made friends with a lady. She is honestly the nicest person but with a bit a fire. Only found out after years that she is very religious in a round about way. She keeps it to herself as her religion is private to her.

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