I was with my ex for 13yrs. Probably against my better judgement I did make the decision to stay by him after some cheating a few years ago. Things have changed and we're going great.
In July I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 1. I 100% got it from him as I remember him saying he was 'cut' after the time we had sex and then a few days later I had symptoms went to the docs who said it looked like herpes tested me and it came back positive. It was extremely awful and painful physically and mentally I didn't eat for almost a week lost a lot of weight etc etc.
I asked if he had been cheating when the doctor mentioned it looked like herpes and he ended it said he feels like regardless of how much he has changed I still view him the same and he feels like it will never be enough. I know it was my decision to stay after the cheating and even still now I don't know if I entirely believe that he hadn't done anything with anyone but neither here nor there.
I just truly feel like my future is ruined now I have this incurable disease. I understand it can be managed etc but I'm only 33 with 3 kids and feel like no one will want me again. I can never have unprotected sex again (obviously only with my partner not just random people) and the mood will always be ruined as it will constantly be in my head this worry of passing this thing on to someone else. I truthfully don't even want to be with anyone else again I just feel so ashamed of myself for letting this happen to me. He said that he had no idea he had it and has never had symptoms before etc and I don't think he knowingly gave it to me but I'm so angry he got it and angry with myself for taking him back. I just still feel so hurt and mentally affected by this. Aibu?